Leon's Inner Conflict

Chapter 15

I can hear the sound of myself breaking.

No, if something that should have already ceased functioning continues to move, then 'something' is wrong.

I died on that battlefield. Lost the meaning of life sameway.

Even though I thought I could finally live a peaceful life, carrying a broken heart and body is nothing but torture.

Because I'm half-smart, I can faintly sense my own end.

I'm not afraid to die.

I just didn't want to die alone, without anyone to see me off.

Since I was ennobled, many people have come to visit me.

Most of them approached me, hiding their intentions to suck the sweet nectar, wearing a mask of good intentions.

Unfortunately, I'm not stupid enough to overlook such intentions.

The more someone has been ridiculed, the more sensitive they are to the condescending gaze of others.

Ironically, I can trust the haughty noble ladies who don't even try to hide their disgust when they see my wounded self more than anyone else, which is laughable.

I can't trust anyone, I can't rely on anyone.

I numb my fear and pain with medicine and endure the loneliness.

At the very least, I wanted to leave something behind; I wanted proof that I had lived.

Every day I struggle with managing an unfamiliar territory.

Even as I feel my own inadequacies, I couldn't stop moving forward.

In a world where I was in despair, the goddess of fortune descended before me.

Hair more radiant than gold, eyes redder than rubies, a visage more beautiful than a statue.

Her very existence was beautiful and overwhelmed all others.

A person born into nobility exists on an entirely different level.

Her beauty, intelligence, and political prowess were all on another level.

She effortlessly solved the problems I had been agonizing over.

Her brilliant skills left no room for jealousy.

I half-believed that she was a gift from the gods who pitied me.

So, I decided to make her happy.

At the very least, I wanted to create a place where she could be without tears.

I realized that was the reason I survived.

I'm just a minor character in the story.

I am aware that I have never been a match for her, an important person.

Even so, my only wish was for her to be by my side when I die.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※

When I realized it, I was already holding Angie in my arms.

I don't even remember hugging her, yet she was in my arms.

Even through her clothes, I could feel her soft body, and the mix of her perfume and body scent tickled my nose.

I felt the urge to kiss her, but her red eyes were staring sharply at me.

Her eyes, like the finest rubies, darkened as if stained with blood.

Scary, really scary.

Even though Angie already has somewhat slanted eyes, her gaze at absolute zero made me feel as if I was being cut into pieces.

Help me, my wife is super scary.

I slowly turned my head to my family for help.

My brother held his head in his hands.

My sister and Finley looked at me with exasperation.

Colin averted his eyes, pretending not to see anything.

Mother, not knowing the circumstances, watched with a smile.

Father gave me a thumbs up and a guts pose.

No good, the Bartfault family members are not reliable.

In that case, the last resort.

'Lionel! Ariel! Daddy's in trouble, stop Mommy!'

I searched for my children for help, but Lionel didn't even look my way and poked at the sleeping Ariel.

Yeah, I knew it. There's no one to help me.

Angie grabbed my arm and slowly opened the arms holding her.

There wasn't much force, but her presence overwhelmed me, and Angie and I were now separated.

The silence was heavy, and Angie undoubtedly dominated the atmosphere.

"Father-in-law, Mother-in-law," 

Angie's voice was graceful, yet filled with undeniable authority as she spoke to my parents.

"Could you please take care of Lionel and Ariel for a while?"

After telling my parents, Angie turned her head towards the door, indicating that she wouldn't let me escape.

I wanted to sigh, but I wasn't so clueless as to provoke her by doing so.

I followed Angie out of the entrance.

The well-maintained corridor was polished and reflected the sunlight streaming in through the windows.

It was a testament to Ange's high level of management as the lady of the house.

I stole glances at Angie's back.

The nape of her neck peeked out between her hair and dress, showing a feminine figure with sloping shoulders, and her buttocks, which had become fuller after childbirth, looked soft even through the skirt.

The sensation of holding her a moment ago lingered, and a part of my body grew warm.

[T/N- bro she is angry stop being so horny , well next chapter is r-rated so....]

I couldn't help but smile wryly at myself, but feeling dizzy from touching my beloved wife after months was inevitable.

Lost in such foolish thoughts, I stopped in front of the door to the office.

It seemed the scolding would take place here.

The office, being the master’s domain, was designed with safety in mind.

The windows were made of bulletproof glass to prevent external attacks, the doors were made of lightweight hard-formed material, and the lock was specially designed to be difficult to open from the outside.

Who designed this? It prevents outside attacks but makes it impossible to escape from the inside.

I cursed inwardly, but it was Angie who suggested this renovation and I who approved it, so damn past me.

Angie started locking the office carefully, making sure I couldn't escape.

I hoped for a short scolding; getting seriously scolded by my wife after a long time would kill my spirit.

But nothing happened, despite my tense anticipation.

I didn't have the courage to look back at Ange.

As I steeled myself, something soft touched my back; it was the same sensation as Ange's body earlier.

From the trembling and sobbing I felt through my back, I knew what state Angie was in.

I couldn't turn around, nor did I know what to say.

I was never good with women, and sadly, until I married Angie, I never formally dated anyone.

Not knowing what to say, I began to speak.

"Angie, I'm home."

A plain greeting. I hadn't even said goodbye before going to war.

"...Welcome back."

She wrapped her arms around me, hugging me from behind.

As we pressed closer, her ample chest pressed against my back.

I couldn't help but envy the straightforward reaction of a certain part of my body.

If only I had the straightforwardness my father talked about, to hug her back, kiss her, and say I love her, it would be better, but unfortunately, my nature is twisted.

Please, Angie, don't cry. Nothing affects me more than your* tears.

[T/N- hear can be a translator error, original Japanese translation can be "someone" instead of "Your" , but your is more fitted to context so I used it]

"Uh... well, I'm back safely."

"Yeah."

"Are you angry?"

It was a silly question, but it was all I could do to keep the conversation going.

"I'm very angry. How dare you go to war without even saying goodbye to me."

Angie's voice was gentle, but her tone was resentful.

Yes, that was better than saying nothing and just crying.

"You looked so peaceful sleeping that I hesitated to wake you."

"I panicked when I woke up and you were gone. I thought I'd never see you again."

"If you had been awake, my resolve would have weakened."

"I wished it had. I wanted you by my side more than I wanted your protection."

"That's why I didn't say anything."

"Every day, I prayed to the gods from the bottom of my heart for your safe return."

With that, Angie tightened her embrace.

"I apologize. I promise it won't happen again. Please forgive me."

"That's a lie. If the same situation arises, Leon, you'll try to solve it on your own again."

I really don't have much trust, huh? Well, if it's for protecting my family, I'd do it again.

Finally, Angie relaxed her grip. When I turned around, her tear-stained face was now gazing at me with a kindness that was absent earlier. It's almost enviable how beautiful women can look even when they're crying or angry.

"Welcome back, Leon."

With elegant movements, Angie gracefully performed bow.

"I'm home, Angie."

I gently embraced Ange and kissed her on the cheek. And so, I returned to the Bartfort territory.

* * *

The chandelier's light illuminated the hall. From the edge of the hall, I observed the finely dressed nobles engaging in cheerful conversations. The victory celebration held at the royal castle was attended by distinguished nobles and military personnel who had achieved merit in battle. Beneath the cordial atmosphere, there was an undercurrent of probing intentions. Their speech and behavior were elegant, but the lurking predatory desires in their eyes were hard to miss.

I didn't want to attend such a gathering; I just wanted to go back home and see my wife and children. I planned to sneak away while Duke Redgrave and his heir, Brother-in-law Gilbert, were busy attending to their entourages.

The Duke wanted to introduce me, his Son-in-law, to the people of the royal capital and establish connections, but it was more of a nuisance to me. I sipped the wine in my glass slowly. It's probably a high-quality wine, but my palate wasn't refined enough to discern the difference from what I usually drank.

I felt out of place here and just wanted to leave. Suddenly, there was a cheer, and I turned to see a conspicuous group entering the hall. At the center of the group was a blue-haired man I recognized. It was Prince Julius Rapha Holfault, Angie's former fiancé. His amiable demeanor was befitting of a prince of a nation.

For me, he was simply someone I didn't want to get close to, being Angie's ex-fiancé. Trying to blend into the background, I moved slowly. As no one had paid attention to me so far, moving to the edge of the hall shouldn't be an issue. Keeping a safe distance where I could still see the Duke and Brother-in-law, I wished for time to pass quickly. Being unnoticed was a relief in itself. Those who approached me often looked down on me for being an upstart, flattered me for their gain, or envied me for my accidental rise to fame. I had no desire to deal with any of them.

As I tried to stay out of the way, the prince's group began moving toward me. Not wanting to be bothered by the people around them, I moved again. But as I moved, so did the prince's group. What do you guys want? You don't have any business with someone like me. Despite trying to act as if I hadn't noticed, they continued to approach until they completely blocked my escape route. Realizing there was no avoiding it, I straightened my appearance hurriedly , as the formal attire provided by the Duke's family it should suffice.

Barely suppressing the urge to sigh, I stood up straight.

"Leon Fou Bartfault , Viscount, I presume?"

"Yes, Your Highness."

As I responded with a bowed head, the eyes of the hall turned sharply on me. Honestly, I didn't want to deal with this, but being accused of disrespect and causing a problem was even worse. Bowing my head would at least hide my displeased expression, and then I'd just have to endure this ordeal.

"Raise your head and relax."

"Yes, Your Highness."

It seemed my plan to endure this quietly wasn't going to work. I slowly lifted my head and faced the prince. In my sight was an extraordinarily handsome man. In the upper echelons, beauty held significant value. The notion that the nobility's beauty increases with each generation as they blend superior traits seemed to hold true.

I thought of Angie back in the territory, an exquisite beauty far beyond my reach.

"I have heard of your exploits. Your performance in the recent battles was commendable."

"I am deeply honored."

To be honest, I didn't do much this time. Many of my subordinates were drawn to my reputation. They were mostly aristocratic youths of good family, so I tried to avoid incurring their enmity by minimizing casualties. I acted prudently to avoid unnecessary losses, refraining from any rash actions.

The principality's army, having been burned by my previous unorthodox strategies, refrained from excessive pursuit, which resulted in a stalemate. Consequently, I was mistakenly lauded as a young tactician who skillfully held the front lines with minimal losses. I wanted to vehemently deny it, but that wasn't an option. All I could do was silently hope this conversation would end soon.

A tense silence ensued, but it would be disrespectful to initiate conversation from my side. I just hoped this would end quickly and they would move on.

"Oh my, this is quite an interesting scene."

Cutting into the conversation was Duke Redgrave. Please don't get involved. This is just going to complicate things further.

"Your Highness, please do not tease my Son-in-law too much. He is still unaccustomed to such events and lacks proper etiquette."

"I only intended to ease his tension. No harm intended."

"It would be a disaster if he incurred Your Highness's displeasure. To be unjustly punished would be irreparable."

"I won't do such a thing."

"Consider this as an old retainer's advice. Bitter medicine is the best."

What a wonderfully elegant and cordial conversation. I was so delighted I nearly clicked my tongue. The prince, with a few words, cut the conversation short and withdrew. As expected, he lacked the experience to go against the wind named the Duke.

"I find it problemtic for you to interact with others without my presence, Viscount Bartfault."

The Duke's reprimand was now directed at me.

"Just because you are the same age, do not be swayed. Involvement with the royal family invites unnecessary commitments."

"I didn't approach him. If you hadn't brought me here, this farce wouldn't have happened."

"Reconnaissance of the enemy is essential in war. Never let your guard down for a moment."

Of all the words, it had to be the enemy.

I never thought the relationship between the royal family and the duke's house had deteriorated this much.

Please give me a break, I just want to live peacefully.

I down the drink poured into my glass in one gulp.

A burning sensation assaults my throat and stomach, but I don't feel even a bit tipsy.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※

I wake up to a disturbing scene, the worst way to wake up.

I wish it were a dream, but unfortunately, it's an unchangeable reality.

I just got home, and now I'm dreaming about that scene.

I desperately need a way to erase it from my memory.

I glance at the shared bed, but my wife, Angie, is not there.

She must have already gotten up, or she could be with the kids in their room.

Last night, I had dinner, took a bath, and fell asleep as soon as I lay down.

I must have been exhausted.

I had intended to use Angie's soft body as a hug pillow for the first time in months.

I shake my head to dispel the lingering sleepiness and try to get out of bed.

"…Huh?"

My body feels heavy. I can't muster any strength in my limbs. My head is spinning.

I should have rested, but the fatigue remains, maybe even worse than before I went to sleep.

I try to get up slowly, but even that feels too bothersome.

If I ring the bell, a servant would come, but I can't be bothered to move for that.

No good, sleepiness and weariness are overwhelming me at the same time.

I abandon my thoughts and close my eyes.

I feel a cold sensation on my forehead and open my eyes.

It seems I dozed off again.

Judging by the sunlight coming through the window, it's almost noon.

My thoughts are sluggish; the last time I felt like this was before marrying Angie.

"You're awake."

I turn my head to see Angie looking at me with concern.

I need to say something.

But all that comes out of my mouth is the sound of labored breathing.

"Don't push yourself."

Angie's hand is warm and comforting as she holds mine.

"You were having a troubled sleep, so I called doctor. You've been overworking yourself, and once you returned to the estate, the tension finally broke. The diagnosis is overwork."

I guess I was more exhausted than I realized.

Fighting both day and night, and then seeing such sight in the royal capital, it's no wonder I had nightmares.

Angie gently strokes my cheek. I want to fall asleep again, but my feverish body has made me fully awake.

"Here, take your medicine."

She hands me some pills that the doctor must have prescribed.

During the war, I relied on sleeping pills and stimulants, and now I've added more to the mix.

I toss the pills into my mouth, crush them with my teeth, and wash them down with water.

"Tastes awful."

"Good medicine is bitter."

Angie's words remind me of the events in the royal capital.

Angie must have grown up watching such a court; her courage and education are on a different level than mine.

"…What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

I turn my face away from Angie's probing gaze.

Her beauty now seems indistinguishable from the splendor of the royal capital.

It seems my heart is quite troubled.

"What about the children?"

"They're playing . I'm thinking it's about time to choose an educator for them, what do you think?"

"They're only one year old."

"They're already one. The sooner they start, the easier they'll adapt."

Angie must have been raised that way herself.

Our worlds are too different; I'm practically a commoner.

"Let's discuss that later. Was there any trouble in the estate?"

"Nothing urgent. There are some matters that need your approval, but your health comes first."

Angie resumes caring for me, but for some reason, I find it bothersome.

Strange, Angie is only concerned for me.

"I'm fine, Angie, you should go back to your work."

I speak gently, but in truth, just having someone nearby agitates me.

I desperately want to be alone.

"Call me if you need anything."

Angie leaves the room, looking worried.

Once I'm sure she's gone, I stare at the ceiling.

Angie is a woman far too good for me; it makes sense she would have been a queen.

To be loved by such a woman should be the ultimate happiness for any man.

Yet I can't shake this unease, something is stuck deep inside.

The medicine must be taking effect, as my eyelids grow heavy.

Everything feels too troublesome; I wish I could just disappear.

With such a desolate heart, I let go of my consciousness.

Our bedroom, which I share with Angie, has an attached washroom, bath, and toilet. If I could secure meals, I could live without leaving the room. Angie must have ordered no one to disturb me, as only my family came to visit. Even when my family came to see me, I only managed half-hearted responses. I just couldn't muster any energy. Every time I tried to push myself to do something, my limbs felt weak and unresponsive.

Angie diligently took care of me. She seemed to enjoy looking after me, as if to make up for the time we were apart due to the war. Despite having her own work, she found time to visit me in the bedroom where I lay. Despite her efforts, I adorned by my lethargy, unable to do more than sleep, take medicine, eat, and repeat.

Although my physical strength gradually returned, my spirit remained weak. Watching Angie energetically handle her work made me question my own worth. I recalled a textbook on monsters that described the lion's lifestyle. Male lions handle defense against external threats but otherwise do nothing. The females handle hunting and raising the young. The males are simply a defense mechanism and tools for producing offspring, with the females effectively controlling the pride. I couldn't help but laugh bitterly, feeling like my current self mirrored that description.

Angie is indispensable to the Bartfault domain, but I am merely a replaceable lord. My abilities have their limits, and I lack the talent to play a significant role in the kingdom's politics. I don't understand what the royal family or the duke's family expects from me. Perhaps they regret letting go of Angie's talent now. This self-questioning continued for days.

Six nights after returning to the estate, my physical strength finally recovered, but my heart remained heavy. I needed to get back to work soon to avoid hindering the domain's management. More than anything, I feared being abandoned by Angie. I slowly stretched my body, stood up, and headed for the bath. I roughly removed my pajamas and turned on the tap, watching the warm water slowly fill the small tub.

As I watched the water, I felt a gaze on me. I looked around and saw a man with a scar on his face glaring at me. It was my reflection in the mirror.

"Who are you?" 

The question slipped from my mouth, but the man in the mirror gave no answer. Leon Fou Bartfault. An upstart with slightly better skills than the average person, known for his luck and tenacity. That's my essence. I'm insufficient to influence national politics, a half-baked existence. I don't understand why someone like Angie, once a duke's daughter, loves me.

Our first meeting was the worst. I wasn't good-looking, talented, or even pleasant. Honestly, there's no reason for her to fall for me. I recalled the prince I saw at the victory celebration in the royal capital. That's what a prince from a story looks like. I knew long ago I could never be like that. If Angue, Lionel, and Ariel are happy, that should be enough. But I lack confidence in making them happy.

The duke wants to bring me to the center and entrust part of his political duties to me. I lack the capability for that. However, for Angie, who grew up in the royal capital, the duke's family is a nostalgic home. Relying on the duke's family for Lionel and Ariel's future might not be a bad choice. But that would inevitably drag the family into central politics. I don't want that, yet there's no escape.

I've been questioning myself while bedridden but found no answers. My foolish mind can't reach a conclusion, and I'm hesitant to rely on Angie. 

The sound of water reached my ears, and I saw the tub overflowing, so I hurried to stop it.

As I soaked in the water, letting the grime and sweat wash away, my dry skin gradually became moisturized. I did nothing but stare at the ceiling. When did I become like this? Not long ago, the world seemed simple: solve the problems in front of me. Now, no matter what I do, satisfying one side leaves the other dissatisfied. I'm required to balance everything and can't act on my own will. It would be easier to run away, but I can't because of my family. I don't understand the point of living while wearing down my heart.

I slowly inhaled, filling my lungs with air, and submerged my face in the water.

"Aaaaahhhh!"

The scream, unheard by anyone, dissolved into the water and flowed down the drain.

After getting out of the bath, I felt slightly calmer, which was oddly gratifying. Tomorrow morning, I'll talk to Angie and start working again. It's got to be better than lying in bed brooding. With that thought, I returned to the bedroom and saw something moving on the bed. At this time of night, only Angie would visit the bedroom. Since I fell ill, she had been sleeping in the children's room, but she must have come to check on me out of concern.

As I approached the bed, I saw something strange. Angie, covered by the blanket, wasn't even showing her head and was moving across the bed like a rolling ball. She seemed to move away from me as I got closer but didn't leave the room. Growing frustrated, I slowly approached and gradually cornered her. In an instant, I grabbed the edge of the blanket and tried to pull it off. There was strong resistance.

What is this situation? Why are we playing tug-of-war with the blanket now all of sudden? 

With a sudden yank, I pulled the blanket off, revealing Angie lying on the bed in a cat-ear bikini.

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Authors Note

┻━⁠━━━━⁠━━⁠━━━⁠┻

This is the agony chapter of Leon, the upstart noble. Without cheats, Leon would struggle in the politically treacherous court. I couldn't resist writing about Leon's struggles with the insurmountable wall between important characters and mob characters in the story. I tend to put Leon through a lot of hardship, so finding a balance is difficult.

Postscript: Thanks to the client, illustrations have been drawn by soba-sama, Yuki Sakura-sama, and Ameba-sama. Thank you.

soba-sama: [link]

Yuki Sakura-sama: [link]

Ameba-sama: [link]

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