Part-1 Ex-01 Ep-01

The image of my daughter pleading, “I’m sorry,” is still burned into my mind even now.

My daughter, Ichinose Maki, had been a “good girl” who caused us very little trouble ever since she was small.

She was, by nature, somewhat tomboyish. She got into mischief from time to time.

But even her tomboyish behavior never went beyond getting a bit overexcited and tripping over herself, and her mischief, though sometimes encouraged by her brother who was three years older, was always endearingly harmless.

I can hardly recall ever scolding her harshly.

She always cleaned up properly after playing, never threw herself onto the supermarket floor crying because she wanted toys or sweets, and even when we took her to the park, she never protested at the end by saying she wanted to keep playing.

She would respond even while watching television. When we cautioned her, she listened attentively and apologized properly.

Her sound judgment and lack of excessive attachment in all things were so remarkable that, compared to the stories I heard from other mothers about their children, it felt almost uncanny.

She was that well-behaved and sensible a child.

The first time such a child ever showed true “attachment” was toward her friend, “Matsuri-chan.”

When she was still very young, about ten years ago now, there was an incident in which Maki and Mari-chan went to the sports park in a neighboring town without telling either set of parents.

The grounds there are vast, and if one ventures a little farther in, the area connects to a deep forest. It was not a place suitable for children who had not yet entered elementary school to visit on their own.

On any ordinary day, if I had told Maki, “You must not go there alone as children,” she would absolutely have obeyed. I never imagined that she would walk such a long distance from home on her small legs, stray off the path, and enter the forest.

When the two did not return at their usual time, we grew anxious and began searching all the likely places together with Mari-chan’s parents. When we finally spotted the two of them at the sports park, a place we thought there was no chance they would be, we felt overwhelming relief.

But that relief lasted only an instant. The moment our eyes met, Mari-chan suddenly collapsed on the spot, as if a thread had snapped.

“Mari-chan?”

“Mari?”

We rushed over to them in a panic.

Looking closely, our Maki had only minor scrapes and appeared largely unharmed, while for some reason Mari-chan alone was painfully covered in blood in several places. The deepest-looking wound was on her arm, but it did not appear life-threatening, which was a relief.

“What happened? Why did you come here?”

“We came to look for presents to give to our kindergarten friends tomorrow. And then we went into the forest. When I was about to slip and fall from over there, Matsuri-chan protected me.”

Looking at Mari-chan, who had collapsed and was not moving, Maki, still dazed, managed to say that much before falling silent again. Hearing her explanation, my mind went completely blank. Why would she do something so unlike her usual self?

“Anyway, let’s go to the hospital. It would be best to have Maki-chan checked as well, Ichinose-san. We’ll take Mari.”

“Yes.”

“That’s right.”

With those words, we decided to find a nearby hospital with emergency care and head there. Just as Mari-chan’s father lifted her up and we were about to head to the parking lot—

“Wait, wait. I want to go with Matsuri-chan too!”

Maki, who had been dazed until then, shook off my hand and chased after Mari-chan’s papa. He must have wanted to hurry and get his unconscious daughter to the hospital, yet he stopped in confusion and looked at Maki.

My husband and I hurriedly caught our daughter, who looked as though she might collapse at any moment, and soothed her, saying, “It’s okay. We’re all going to the same hospital together. Calm down, Maki.”

Whether she could hear us or not, Maki struggled violently in my arms, and getting her into the car was no easy task. Maki’s examination, since her injuries were minor, ended quickly. But Mari-chan still had not regained consciousness.

While Mari-chan was in the treatment room, my husband and I spoke in hushed voices in the hospital corridor.

“From what Maki said, it seems Mari-chan was injured while protecting her.”

“Yes. And the reason they went to that sports park together was probably because we took them there the other weekend.”

“What should we do? If something happens to Mari-chan, if the worst were to happen, we would never be able to face the Nagase family again.”

Trying not to let Maki overhear, yet losing our composure under the weight of the situation, we held our heads in our hands. Between my husband and me, there formed an unspoken understanding that even if Mari-chan recovered, we might have to limit Maki’s contact with her.

Maki stood some distance away from us, motionless in front of the treatment room door, waiting for Mari-chan’s parents to emerge.

“The main injury requiring stitches is a fairly large cut on her arm, but there is no danger to her life. Since she has not regained consciousness yet, she will likely need to be hospitalized for a while.”

When we heard this from her parents, the words “stitches on her arm” made my blood run cold. But hearing that her life was not in danger brought us profound relief.

Thank goodness. Her life was safe. That alone felt like salvation, even as her consciousness remained absent. She was still such a small child.

If she had hit the wrong place, anything could have happened. It would not have been strange at all. Even so, we could not let our guard down yet.

“Our Mari is always doing reckless things, so she may have dragged Maki-chan into this. I’m so sorry.”

“No, we think it was our child who knew the place, so it was probably—”

After that exchange, Mari-mama stayed behind while Papa went to make arrangements for hospitalization, and at last we parted ways there. 

I was utterly exhausted that day. I felt nothing but guilt toward Mari-chan, and yet I was truly, deeply relieved that Maki was safe. Overwhelmed by fatigue and remorse, I looked for Maki. Since arriving at the hospital, she had remained silent the entire time.

“Maki-chan, we’re going home now.”

“Come on. We’ll come visit again.”

I called out to my daughter, who was looking down. She murmured something in a small voice, but I could not hear her clearly.

“What did you say? We’re going home now.”

“Maki, let’s go.”

“I’m sorry.”

When her voice finally reached us clearly, all of us turned toward Maki at once. Apologizing in a faint voice, Maki was crying, her face scrunched up tightly. She clutched the hem of her clothes and trembled as if she were desperately enduring something.

The four of us adults, who had been about to leave, hurried to soothe her, telling her, “It’s okay.”

As we tried to reassure her that no one was angry, Maki said something completely unexpected.

“I’m sorry, but I want to stay friends with Matsuri-chan.”

“Maki-chan?”

The earlier conversation between my husband and me flashed through my mind. She had overheard it and correctly understood its meaning. That even if Mari-chan recovered, she might no longer be allowed to play with her.

“I’ll do my best so that Matsuri-chan doesn’t get hurt. I’ll protect her, so I want to stay friends.”

That was the first truly “selfish request” my daughter had ever made.

At that moment, my husband suddenly dropped to the floor in a full dogeza* and declared, “I’ll take responsibility and commit seppuku* or anything, so please let them meet occasionally from now on,” which only caused me and Matsuri-chan’s parents to panic even more.

[T/N- Dogeza-a way to apologise in Japanese culture, you get on your knees and put your head in the floor.

Seppuku- Samurai (Japanese warrior) of past used to cut open there stomach and die to amends there "sins"]

If you commit seppuku, that becomes a criminal case.

Dear husband.

I would never be able to face my fellow mothers again.

Looking utterly dejected, Mari-papa said, “No, we do not think this is the Ichinose family’s fault at all. If anything, we are the ones worrying whether our child, being so wild, will be all right in the future.”

Mari-mama cried as she said, “Our child really is such an idiot. I feel like I have aged ten years from worry. If that is acceptable, then please continue to look after her.”

That was when it began. That was when we truly became close with the entire Nagase family. From then on, Maki began to show a little more selfishness.

It started with, “Mama, I want to take the same lessons Matsuri-chan is taking,” and even in daily life, whenever it involved Matsuri-chan, she began to assert herself. After she entered elementary school, it continued.

“Mama, I want to go play at Matsuri-chan’s house.”

“After you finish your homework. You have only just started elementary school, so you need to study properly too.”

“Ummm. Then I’ll bring my homework with me. Matsuri-chan probably has not done hers anyway.”

“Hey, wait. Well, I suppose that is fine. But do not cause trouble for them, all right?”

“Got it!”

She remained fundamentally a good child, but the moments when she insisted on her own wishes increased noticeably.

Strangely enough, that made her feel more substantial than before, and I myself could express joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness more freely in front of her. To be honest, raising her became much more enjoyable.

But little by little, there were also moments when I found myself wondering whether it was going a bit too far.