Part-2 Ch-04 Ep-04

—No way.

I lay on my bed in my room, turning the pages of a fashion magazine. On a spread featuring summer outfit coordination, there was a model who bore a faint resemblance to Mari.

—I shouldn’t get my hopes up.

Remembering Mari’s recent behavior, I repeat that warning to myself over and over. She’s clearly been acting suspicious lately. Getting flustered out of nowhere, blushing for no obvious reason.

Mari has always been a little strange in how she behaves, but recently, the nature of that strangeness feels different. No, I think it’s definitely different. If this isn’t just my misunderstanding, then she might actually be conscious of me.

In the brief moments when I feel Mari’s gaze on me, it seems to carry warmth.

Every time our eyes meet because she notices me looking at her, and then she hurriedly looks away, I start wondering why she was staring at me in the first place. And each time, my heart gets thrown into chaos.

But since it has always ended with me getting carried away on my own, I hesitate to take a step forward, telling myself that this time too might just be another misunderstanding.

Back in elementary school, when I first became aware of my possessiveness toward Mari, and later in middle school, when I realized that I liked her.

Because Mari has always prioritized me, I end up misunderstanding, getting excited and anxious all by myself, running in circles, and eventually getting hurt.

This time as well, somewhere deep down, I think maybe she isn’t actually conscious of me at all, and is simply troubled by something else.

In the end, I always fail to understand Mari’s feelings accurately, and can only keep forcing my own onto her.

Look at me more.

Look at me more and more.

But.

Before I realized it, I had stopped turning the pages of the magazine and was staring at the same spread with the model who resembled Mari.

“It’d be lonely to be apart.”

“That, I feel the same, but.”

On the day of the open campus, Mari’s expression at that moment felt slightly different. It felt like her heart was wavering. Like she truly would feel lonely if we were apart. It felt as though Mari, who usually only shows the shallow layers of her heart, was reaching out to me from somewhere deeper.

Of course, all of this could just be my misunderstanding.

“If it really is just a misunderstanding, then I’d be such a pathetic girl, wouldn’t I… me.”

Just how twisted are my feelings toward my childhood friend?

“Hm?”

A low vibration sounded, and I realized it was a notification from my smartphone. When I looked at the pop-up, it was a message from Godaiin-kun.

Since summer vacation started, we’ve been exchanging casual messages more often. The topics are things like finding a stylish café or a delicious donut shop. The kind of things that make me want to say, “Are you a girl or something?”

This time too, the message read: “It looks like there’s a summer vacation event at this amusement park, with fireworks and all. Ichinose-san, are you interested in that kind of thing? Is your schedule already full?” A link was politely attached.

“…”

I felt a little disappointed that it wasn’t a message from Mari. No, I do like amusement parks and fireworks. I clutch my head, overwhelmed by the weight of my feelings toward Mari.

Even when I’m talking to other people or browsing SNS, everything eventually turns into, “Ah, Mari would probably like this too. Maybe I should invite her next time.”

How did it end up like this?

I genuinely think that our relationship as childhood friends is a good one. It has been, for a long time. Mari truly prioritizes me above anything else. There have been countless times when I’ve seen her literally risk her life to protect me.

Even though we’re supposed to be just childhood friends. For instance, during PE, when playing ball games, she always tries to shield me so the ball won’t hit me.

If I absentmindedly step into the road without noticing the traffic signal change, for some reason Mari steps out with me.

On the forest school trip, when I tripped, she tried to catch me and ended up tumbling down the mountain herself.

…

Just recalling those scenes from the past makes my mind a mess. I grin, I get flustered, I feel a chill run through me.

—I really think she’s an idiot.

What if Mari herself gets hurt, or even dies, because of that?

Even if only I were saved, I would never be able to forget her. The memories of Mari inside me would only grow heavier and denser. I really think she’s an idiot. And she keeps doing it without even realizing it.

It’s annoying how she sometimes lacks delicacy, but the way her sense of danger is slightly off from everyone else’s has been true since she was very young.

…Come to think of it, maybe it started around the time she fell off the jungle gym as a child. Maybe a few screws came loose in her head back then.

Precisely because Mari prioritizes me above everything else, if I confessed my feelings to her, she probably wouldn’t reject me.

Leaving aside the fact that we’re both girls, I feel like if I pushed, she might say something like, “Well, if that’s what Maki wants, maybe we can try dating.”

But that would only be the result of me forcing my feelings onto her, and I don’t think I’d gain the part of Mari’s heart that I truly want.

“—Honestly, I have no idea what Mari is thinking.”

I know that I’m cherished.

But at the same time, I feel like something is being hidden. Like there’s a part of Mari, buried deep in her heart, that I don’t know.

And yet, I also think that’s simply because I haven’t tried hard enough to understand it. Being able to worry about this so leisurely is probably something only possible right now.

Next year, there are entrance exams. Before that happens, I really want to make Mari mine. I want our hearts to connect more deeply.

“To do that, during summer vacation, one more push… no, that’s not it. I definitely need to properly confirm Mari’s feelings.”

I type a reply to Godaiin-kun on the message screen.

“Thanks! This looks really great. I like amusement parks and fireworks, so I’m happy. My schedule is open, so next week I’ll invite Mari and go.”

[T/N- Friendzone final boss.]

I should properly thank him with something after summer vacation ends. He’s always giving me useful information.

Then, I message Mari as well.

“Do you want to go to the amusement park on this day next week? Apparently we can watch fireworks at night too.”

Now, all that’s left is to wait for her reply.

As I suppress my anxious feelings, I think about stepping just a little closer to Mari during this summer vacation.

End of Chapter 4