Part-2 Ch-06 Ep-04

On the way home that day, Maki followed me all the way to my house.

When Maki asked, “Can I come to Mari’s house today?” I felt guilty. Guilty for making her wait longer than expected because my conversation with Seishuku-san had dragged on, and guilty for having avoided her so much during summer vacation. Because of that, I couldn’t bring myself to refuse, and I answered, “Sure.”

Normally, Maki has such a strong will that she would barge in even if I said no, but today she was unusually reserved. That frightened me. I felt that if I rejected her here, we might drift apart completely.

Avoiding her one moment, then hurriedly pulling her close the next. I clutched my head, wondering what it was that I truly wanted.

I avoided facing these feelings because I was scared. But when it felt like I might lose her, that scared me too, and I couldn’t bring myself to fully push her away.

At the very least, it was undeniable that I had been toying with Maki’s feelings. In the middle of my roughly six-tatami-sized room, Maki sat hugging a cushion.

She leaned her back against my bed, legs stretched out awkwardly to the side, looking around the room she should have visited countless times before.

As for me, the sight of Maki in my room after so long made me tense. Trying to act normal, I ended up sitting down much farther away from her than necessary without realizing it.

The moment she noticed, a crease formed between Maki’s eyebrows.

I considered saying something like, “If you keep frowning like that, you’ll get wrinkles,” but since I was the one who caused it, and she would probably just get angrier, I stayed quiet.

As the silence stretched on, Maki slowly shuffled closer, sliding along the floor until our shoulders were just barely about to touch, then stopped perfectly.

That was our usual spot.

But right now, that distance hurt my heart.

I thought she should understand, given how much I’d been avoiding her, but since I hadn’t told Maki anything about what I was feeling, it couldn’t be helped.

“What were you talking about with Seishuku-san?”

Burying the lower half of her face into the cushion she hugged to her chest, Maki asked quietly.

I had expected her to ask the moment we met back up in the classroom, so it seemed she had been holding herself back quite a bit.

“…Something important.”

When I brushed it off like that, she puffed out her cheeks in protest and said, “What do you mean by important?” But this was something I couldn’t explain, so I replied, “It’s a secret.”

“Mari, you’ve had a lot of secrets lately.”

She said it as if squeezing the words out, then didn’t pursue it any further. She buried her face deeper into the cushion and turned away.

It looked a little like she was sulking, but it also felt like Maki was being considerate in her own way.

Normally, she would have immediately snapped back with something like, “Tell me even if it’s a secret.”

--I thought this world was the world of a game, but it turns out it’s a different world merely similar to a game. What would saying something like that to Maki even accomplish?

Thinking that, I organized my thoughts from my earlier conversation with Seishuku-san.

There are three things I can say for certain now.

First, it doesn’t change the fact that this world isn’t the real world.

Second, everyone in this world, myself included, is living with their own genuine will.

Third, this is a separate world modeled after a game, and it seems we don’t necessarily have to follow the game’s story.

The problem is the third point. If we don’t have to follow the story, then what should I do for Maki?

How can I make Maki happy?

That question is all that’s been filling my head. Still, learning that this wasn’t a pure otome game world made certain things click for me. After all, Maki and the capture targets don’t seem particularly drawn to each other.

On the contrary, the capture targets are dating other people, forming friendships, devoting themselves to club activities. Everyone is living freely. Maki herself has a completely different personality from the one I knew from the story.

Yes. Everyone except me seemed to be living their own lives as they pleased, with their own will. Just understanding the reason behind that eased the sense of discomfort I had always felt, if only a little.

The western sunlight poured in through the window, dyeing the room a warm orange. Maki neither spoke nor showed any sign of preparing to go home.

I thought it would be nice if we could just stay like this forever. The presence of Maki’s shoulder beside me, her body heat, her scent, the faint rustling of fabric every time she shifted.

Maki is here. I’m here too. We both exist in this moment, right here. That alone felt like it was enough. When I finally let out a deep, heavy sigh that had been building up inside me, Maki flinched.

Then she asked in a small voice, “…Should I go home now?” and I panicked.

No. That’s not it.

To convey that, I grasped Maki’s hand. If I didn’t, it felt like she might leave my room at any moment.

“Um… did I do something to you, Mari?”

“…You didn’t do anything.”

“I see… Then why are you avoiding me?”

“That’s…”

Because I like you.

If only I could say that.

But even if I confessed, what would I want after that?

Until now, I believed that if I just paired Maki with a capture target, that person would naturally make her happy.

But Maki herself doesn’t seem interested in ending up with a capture target. And even if things went well with Godaiin-kun, who’s been approaching her lately, and they started dating, I know I would go crazy while still harboring these feelings. I wouldn’t be able to stay by her side.

Then I should be the one to make Maki happy.

But in the end, I still don’t have the resolve to do that. That’s why I’m stuck like this. When I stayed silent without answering, Maki seemed to lose her patience and spoke in a rush.

“I don’t know what Mari is worrying about right now, but if you are worrying about something, I want you to tell me. And if you can’t tell me, that’s fine too. But if you don’t hate me, please don’t avoid me. I hate it when there’s distance between us. I really hate it.”

Seeing her plead so desperately, I replied without thinking, half-teasingly, “…Don’t you like me a bit too much?”

She answered seriously, “Yes. I like you a lot. Didn’t you know?” and my heart skipped a beat.

No. The “like” Maki means isn’t that kind.

Don’t misunderstand. Flustered, I instinctively looked away.

“…Sorry. I won’t avoid you anymore.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

As she said that, she gently stroked my head. When I glanced over, I found Maki gazing at me softly, and I felt embarrassed.

I like Maki.

But I’m scared, and I can’t say it.

Even if I confessed, I don’t think she would reject me outright.

But if I did confess, we wouldn’t be able to stay in our current relationship.

And even if things went well and we started dating, it would mean breaking every future flag with the capture targets. Can I really do something like that?

In the end, no matter how much I overthink it, I arrive at the same pathetic conclusion.

I simply lack the courage and the resolve.

End of Chapter 6