Volume 3 Episode 02

It felt like the first time I had ever spoken to Miyagi at school.

Once before, I had called her out and spoken with her in the music prep room, but that had been more like an extension of the time I spent in her room. This time was different. For the first time, I had a proper conversation with her in front of my friends.

It wasn’t anything important, yet it felt important, and that unsettled me. I didn’t need to look back—yet I wanted to.

“Hazuki, you’re spacing out. Are you really okay?”

Umina’s unexpectedly loud voice reached me, and I turned toward her.

“Sorry. I was just thinking.”

“You’re gonna bump into something again.”

She laughed lightly, and I answered, “True,” before continuing down the hallway.

No matter how hard I listened, I couldn’t hear Miyagi’s voice.

Only Umina and Mariko’s voices reached my ears.

“That girl from earlier… Miyagi, right? Are you two close?” Umina asked, as if recalling something.

“Her name is Miyagi, yeah. But we’re not really close.”

“But you were walking together during summer break.”

“With who?”

“With Miyagi.”

“You must be mistaken.”

Lies came easily to me, and the words slipped out smoothly.

“I don’t think I’d mistake Hazuki for someone else,” Umina pressed, sounding rather confident.

“Besides, I remember it clearly ‘cause it was somewhere unusual.”

The station she named was exactly the place Miyagi and I had gone during summer vacation, to play at being “friends” and watch a movie together. Which meant, without a doubt, the two she had seen were me and Miyagi. She hadn’t mistaken it.

“Come to think of it—”

By the time we reached the classroom, I decided to amend my lie, speaking slowly as if retracing my memory.

“My relatives live around there, so I went to visit. I just happened to run into Miyagi then.”

“Wow. Even Hazuki forgets stuff sometimes, huh.”

Mariko, who had been silent until now, said cheerfully as she looked at me.

“I’m human, too. Of course I forget things.”

Laughing, I stepped into the classroom, only to hear Umina’s sulky voice behind me.

“Whether you and Miyagi are close or not, I don’t really care. I just thought maybe that’s why you were harder to hang out with over summer break—‘cause of her.”

She sat down at her desk and gave me a reproachful look. Instead of going to my own seat, I stayed and kept talking.

“I told you, I had cram school over the summer, so I couldn’t hang out much. Why were you there, anyway?”

“I was on a date with my boyfriend.”

“At a place like that?”

“Yeah. We just thought we’d go somewhere different for once. No one from our school goes there, right? So we went a bit farther.”

How unlucky.

Miyagi and I had chosen that place precisely because we thought we wouldn’t run into anyone we knew. I hadn’t imagined Umina would think the same way and end up there.

“You two are close. I’m jealous.”

When I smiled and said that, the “jealous” part seemed to please her, and her mood brightened just a little. It looked like she didn’t intend to pry further about Miyagi, but I didn’t want her to recall how this whole conversation began. Keeping my smile, I steered the topic back to her boyfriend, and soon she forgot about Miyagi entirely, launching into stories about where they went and what they ate that day.

I didn’t intend to envy her happiness, but I wasn’t particularly interested either. Her voice became little more than background noise.

I lowered my gaze to my own hands. Naturally, there was no trace of Miyagi on them.

“Did you hurt yourself when you bumped into her?”

Mariko leaned over curiously, noticing I was staring at my hands.

“No. I’m fine.”

“Really?”

“See? I’m fine.”

I waved my hand to show her.

“Then you’re all set. You can hold hands with your boyfriend on your date.”

“You always say stuff like that. I don’t even have one.”

“I know. Hurry up and get one.”

“Even if I did, I probably wouldn’t hold hands.”

“Why not? You should.” Mariko tilted her head, puzzled.

“Do people really hold hands that much?”

I asked the question, not to either of them in particular. It wasn’t something I expected an answer to help with. Miyagi had crossed my mind, but she wasn’t my girlfriend, and I didn’t want to hold hands with her—or at least, I didn’t think so. Still, I couldn’t help being aware of it.

“Of course people do,” Umina said.

“Yeah, if you’re on a date, you’d hold hands,” Mariko added.

“I get it. Hazuki wants a wholesome relationship where she won’t even hold hands.”

Mariko teased, reaching out her hand, and I took it.

Her hand wasn’t much different from Miyagi’s—warm and soft. Probably Umina’s would feel the same.

But Miyagi was undeniably different from the two of them.

It wasn’t that I wanted to hold her hand. I just… wanted to touch her. Like earlier in the hallway, when I had instinctively grabbed her wrist. This feeling wasn’t nearly as wholesome as Mariko implied.

“What, did you get a crush on someone?” Umina asked, eyes sparkling with interest.

This was troublesome.

Even if I said no, they’d just keep pressing—“But you must have someone you’re into, right?”

“Who, who?” Mariko chimed in, excited.

I was scrambling for a suitable answer when the bell rang.

“Class is starting.”

Saved by the perfectly timed bell, I sat down, and soon the teacher came in.

The lesson began, and the teacher’s voice filled the room. I copied the words from the blackboard into my notebook.

On the margin of the white page, my right hand wrote “Miyagi” and then erased it. I want to talk to her at school too.

My own voice echoed in my head, drowning out the teacher’s words.

…How ridiculous.

There was nothing to talk about with Miyagi at school. Even in her room, the two of us often lapsed into silence.

I shook out the unnecessary thoughts and flipped a page in my textbook, focusing only on filling my notebook. The class ended in what felt like neither a long nor short time. Just the usual.

I was about to stand and go eat lunch with Umina and Mariko when my phone rang. Sitting back down, I pulled it out of my bag.

The message on the screen was, as always, from Miyagi. My plans for after school were set.

It wasn’t surprising anymore, even though she had called me over yesterday and again today.

She must want to ask about when I grabbed her wrist in the hallway.

The problem was, I had no way to explain why I had done it. Saying I just wanted to touch her wouldn’t convince her. She would definitely ask why I wanted to.

Because I didn’t want to hand her back to her friends.

That feeling—small as a sugar candy—was buried behind my desire to touch her. But it wasn’t something I could ever admit.

I sent back a message agreeing to come after school, then stood up. Just thinking about being questioned over the hallway incident made my head ache.

How bothersome.

And yet, seeing Miyagi itself didn’t feel bothersome.

✧✧✧✧

After school came quickly.

Parting ways with Umina and the others, I walked the familiar path and arrived at Miyagi’s house, neither too early nor too late.

Inside her room, I unbuttoned the second button from the top of my blouse.

The subtle awkwardness between us was still there, but I had grown used to it.

Taking the 5,000 yen bill, I sat with the bed behind me. Miyagi brought over glasses of barley tea and soda, placed them on the table, and after a moment’s hesitation, sat down next to me.

It wasn’t as close as before, but it was the first time since summer break ended that she had sat beside me. I felt relieved at the filled space. Things weren’t back to how they had been before, but they were getting closer. Some things wouldn’t go smoothly, but that was inevitable. If we just went through the motions like before summer break, eventually our feelings would follow.

Without a word, Miyagi spread her textbooks and worksheets across the table. I couldn’t tell whether she was motivated or not, but she quietly worked through them.

I opened my own textbooks and notebook and started on my homework.

The words I had told her yesterday—“You should apply to the same university as me”—were irresponsible. She had said there was no way she could get in, and I had told her otherwise, but in truth, at this rate, it really would be difficult.

Ever since summer vacation began, we had studied together.

The number of times Miyagi says to me, “I don’t understand, so teach me,” has definitely decreased.

Even so, I don’t think she’s anywhere near the passing line.

But if she gets serious from now on, maybe she could make it. For that, she needs her own motivation, and if Miyagi says she wants to go to the same university, I’m willing to teach her. I can’t force her, though.

It’s not like anything extraordinary would happen just because we attended the same university.

The day our relationship ends is already decided, and I’ve accepted that. I only thought, vaguely, that it might be fun if Miyagi ended up at the same university.

“Sendai-san.”

I hear Miyagi’s voice and lift my head.

“Is there something you don’t understand?”

“Not that. Today—what was that?”

I knew it. The reason Miyagi called me over two days in a row. I had already guessed, but I played dumb.

“What was what?”

“In the hallway, you grabbed my wrist.”

“I was just trying to pick up something you dropped.”

“If you were just picking something up, you wouldn’t need to grab my wrist, right?”

“My hand just brushed against yours, that’s all.”

“I don’t think you can call that just brushing.”

This is such a hassle.

I don’t want to be pressed about things I don’t want to say. And if I told the truth, it would trouble Miyagi too.

I didn’t want to hand Miyagi back to her friends—that feeling is better left unsaid.

“…What do you even want me to say? If there’s something you want to hear, I’ll say it. Just tell me.”

I propose a peaceful resolution. If there’s a specific line she wants to hear, I’d rather say it and end this. Dragging it out won’t lead to any satisfying result for either of us. But I also know Miyagi won’t be satisfied with that kind of answer.

“That’s not what I want.”

“Then what do you want?”

“Tell me why you grabbed me.”

“Because I wanted to touch you. That’s all.”

I let slip one fragment of the real reason.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Answer properly.”

“I did answer.”

“Then why did you want to touch me?”

That’s the kind of thing she really shouldn’t ask. We’d have a much more peaceful time if she didn’t.

“Miyagi, you’re asking even though you know I won’t answer, right?”

I try to break her barrage of questions, but she says nothing. With no other choice, I add:

“Sometimes, you want to touch someone for no reason.”

Saying that, I reach my hand toward Miyagi.

We’re sitting a little farther apart than usual, but she’s still close enough. I touch her cheek, pressing my palm against it. Her face twists with displeasure, but I don’t pull my hand away. The warmth that flows from that contact feels good, and I let my hand slide from her cheek down to her neck.

Right now, I think my feelings for Miyagi are impure.

“Nobody wants to touch someone for no reason.”

“If that’s true, then whenever you touch me, you must have a reason, right, Miyagi?”

“That’s—”

She falters. Instead of finishing her sentence, she peels my hand away from her neck.

“Sendai-san, you don’t make any sense. At school, here—it’s always weird things with you.”

Her voice falls as she drops her gaze.

“I don’t understand myself either. Miyagi, just hurry up and give today’s order already.”

Because I’m not confident nothing will happen if we keep going like this. I know that in front of Miyagi, the screws holding down my reason are useless. Even if we pretend everything’s the same as before, we still haven’t returned to what we were. The shape we force into place can crumble with the smallest push.

Better she give me an order—something harmless. That way it’ll be safer than letting things happen like this.

“Then… let me pierce your ears.”

The word “pierce” coming from Miyagi is so unexpected I can’t help repeating it.

“Pierce?”

“Yeah. I want to pierce your ears, Sendai-san.”

Maybe it’s payback for me touching her ear yesterday when she told me to read a book. She tugs at my earlobe as she looks up.

“No way. Absolutely not.”

I say it plainly.

Something like an earring—something that leaves a permanent mark—that’s a problem.

Miyagi always wants to leave marks on me, and she’s actually done it. I’ve allowed it so far only because they faded quickly.

But earrings are different. I can’t accept that the same way.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s against the school rules.”

Her fingers keep pressing and playing with my ear without hesitation, so I grab her arm and pull it sharply. Finally, her fingers let go, and her voice turns sulky.

“Sendai-san, your skirt’s short, your hair’s dyed—you’re already breaking rules.”

“Those are still within the acceptable range.”

“You’re always like that.”

“Like what?”

“You just make up your own rules and act like they’re the norm.”

“What’s wrong with that? I keep my skirt and hair just short enough not to get scolded. If the teachers don’t say anything, then it’s not really breaking the rules, right?”

The rules aren’t enforced strictly. They may be written clearly, but the teachers don’t apply them strictly. As long as you mostly follow them, you won’t get in trouble, and you’ll be seen as following the rules.

I just made my own rule—to stay within that “mostly okay” range—and I follow it.

“That’s unfair.”

“If you think it’s unfair, then you should do it too. Your skirt would look cuter a little shorter.”

I tug slightly at Miyagi’s half-length skirt, but before I can adjust it, the back of my hand gets smacked.

“No, I like it this length. More importantly, maybe not now, but someday—let me pierce your ears.”

“Pick a different order. That’s against the rules.”

I cut her off firmly, but she looks unconvinced. One word sums it up: she can’t accept it. That’s probably what she’s thinking.

“I’m never letting you do that.”

I emphasize it again. No matter how fixated she gets, my answer won’t change. I accept most of her orders, but there are some things I can’t.

“What’s so rule-breaking about earrings?”

“Making a permanent wound on my body—that’s like violence. Anyway, what kind of earrings were you planning? Show me.”

I have no intention of obeying her, but I am curious what she picked out. Yet Miyagi doesn’t take anything out. Instead, she mutters in a voice softer than before.

“I haven’t bought any yet… but if you’d let me, I’d go buy some.”

“Don’t bother. And I don’t even get why you’d want to pierce my ears.”

“...Just wanted to test if the teachers would get mad. I think you should get scolded once in a while.”

I can’t tell if she’s serious or lying. Either way, it’s a stupid reason. It’s the kind that makes me want to complain.

“Don’t experiment on people. Come up with a better reason.”

“So if I had a better reason, you’d let me?”

“No.”

I don’t know what her real feelings are, but telling me to let her pierce my ears is far too heavy an order.

Even if, in the future, we go to different universities and never meet again, I don’t want something that will stay with me forever. I refuse to be the only one left with a mark of our time together.

“Then stay still for a bit.”

Miyagi says it in a tone that gives me a bad feeling.

“What are you going to do?”

No reply. Instead, her hand reaches out. But it doesn’t touch my ear. It lands on my shoulder. Does Miyagi deliberately want to leave marks on me?

She’s right in front of me, yet I can’t tell what she’s thinking. We talk more than when I first started coming here, but more words don’t mean I understand her. She hides her true feelings. Today is no different. Wanting to pierce my ears without even having earrings ready—was that just an impulse, or something she’d been meaning to say? I can’t tell.

Shallow conversations make it feel nearly impossible to draw closer to each other’s hearts. But closing the distance between our bodies is simple—Miyagi presses her lips against my ear.

The black hair smelled faintly of shampoo.

Her lips—lips that had touched me many times before—settled against my skin as if they belonged there. It was starting to feel ordinary that Miyagi was closer to me than anyone else, but a sliver of reason told me I shouldn’t accept it.

“Hey, Miyagi—”

I pushed her shoulder. The heat from where we touched slid away, and a voice whispered in my ear. “You won’t let me pierce your ears, so this is a substitute.”

At the sound of her voice so near, my hand trembled as it pressed into Miyagi’s shoulder. Her breath brushed my ear and tickled.

“Just sit still. It won’t leave a mark — it’s an easy order, right?”

Her tone was as light as a snack, and something wet brushed my ear. I realized immediately it was her tongue.

Pressed flat against me, it felt lukewarm; the motion made me shiver and feel uneasy. But this had happened before. Part of me tried to obey reason, and another part tried to convince me this was nothing worth refusing.

Torn between the two, I wavered. My reason surrendered to inertia beneath the warm tip of her tongue; I kept still as ordered — and then something hard touched my earlobe.

It was probably her teeth. Things like this never end well. “Miyagi, move away.”

I used past experience and shoved her shoulder. I put strength into my hand, but she didn’t budge.

Her teeth pinched my earlobe and bit down hard.

“Ow.”

I swatted her shoulder as I said it, and her teeth sank deeper. She bit with everything she had. The pain etched the day into my memory. No — it wasn’t just pain; it was a burning. I couldn’t even notice her shampoo or feel her breath properly.

“Stop, that hurts!”

I pushed Miyagi away and she flinched. The distance she’d closed so easily separated just as quickly.

“Miyagi, you’re really biting too hard. This is worse than getting ears pierced. My ear could rip off.”

I’d never had my ears pierced, but surely it wouldn’t hurt like this. Miyagi had been sinking her teeth into my ear with brutal force. I didn’t understand where this impulse came from.

“I'm not biting that hard.”

“You are. Honestly, Miyagi, are you an idiot? This’ll leave a mark.”

I touched my earlobe and looked at my fingertip. There was no blood. Still, it felt like I was bleeding somewhere; I reached for a tissue under the table, but the box—covered with a crocodile design—was gone.

“Hey, Miyagi. I need the tissues. Don’t take them.”

I scolded Miyagi, who was clutching the crocodile box.

“It’s not a wound.”

She set the tissue box back on the table, offering a weak excuse. She must have taken it because she was annoyed at me for disobeying. Impulsive, senseless actions — that was the Miyagi I used to know.

But she’d changed. Before, when she did things I hated, it seemed she did them for amusement; now it looked different. There was no hint of pleasure on her face. Instead, she seemed anxious. She had been cruel and then acted as if nothing had happened — selfish to the extreme. Fine, it’s my fault; I don’t have to give in.

“Don’t make that face. It won’t work.”

I took a tissue from the crocodile box and wiped my ear. The thin paper stayed white — no blood.

“I don’t think you’re different.”

Miyagi said it with an expression slightly unlike her usual one and reached to snatch the crocodile back; I slapped her hand away.

“If you want to know whether I’m different, look in a mirror.”

“I won’t.”

Her face clouded. She looked as helpless as a kitten left behind, and I felt oddly guilty — as if I’d done something wrong.

“—No hurting, got it?”

Words that almost allowed Miyagi’s behavior escaped me. We shouldn’t be doing things like this, but maybe a little was okay. I wasn’t the one thinking that — Miyagi was. Her unreliable expression made me give in.

“Okay?” she asked.

“If It’s an order.”

I tugged at Miyagi’s blouse to show I would follow the order. Yes — it was an order, so there was no choice. Within the rules I’d set for myself, I had no right to refuse. So I accepted Miyagi.

“All right. Sit still.”

I heard the words again and felt warmth press closer. Something lukewarm and tentative touched my ear, as if licking away the sting left by the bite. Her tongue brushed more insistently on the spot where her teeth had been. The repeated touches, withdrawing then touching again, didn’t disgust me.

Her teeth touched my earlobe. Pain flared and I instinctively grabbed her arm. But this time she didn’t bite hard; she bit softly. She seemed to be testing how much she could do without causing pain, easing the pressure so it wouldn’t hurt. The stimulus should have been small, but all my attention went there. I realized how sensitive my ear was and felt unsettled.

I could feel Miyagi’s breath close to my ear. Her exhale fluttered my chest. And yet, having her within reach made me feel safe. Still, she was going too far. The things she was doing weren’t appropriate for us now. Miyagi was extreme.

Not everything was acceptable just because it didn’t hurt; so I pushed her forehead to create distance.

“Hey, Miyagi. It doesn’t hurt, but this is dangerous.”

“That means—”

She began and then stopped, and unusually, she said, “Sorry.”

I took a small breath and let it out slowly, then placed the crocodile toy between us. I pulled a tissue from its back and wiped Miyagi’s traces from my ear.

“What are you like at times like this?” Miyagi asked while stroking the crocodile’s head, speaking as if it were nothing. She’d swallowed words before but then said something that emptied their meaning; it made me want to sigh.

“Why don’t you try it yourself?” I reached to touch Miyagi’s ear, but she recoiled as if exaggerated — my hand didn’t reach her ear.

“Joking,” I said lightly and smiled. Getting any closer would only make things awkward. Words that had slipped out could be wrapped up as a joke and discarded.

Still, Miyagi spoke in a strangely serious voice.

“If you let me pierce your ears, I’ll do the same to myself.”

“‘I’ll do the same to myself’?” Her promise meant she’d let me do to Miyagi what she’d done to me — and the idea made me stare at her. If I paid the price of an actual hole in my ear, I could do the same to Miyagi. The thought sounded horribly tempting, and for a moment I wavered — and hated myself for wavering.

“You idiot. More importantly, Umina said she saw me and you together.”

I cut off the dangerous thread of conversation and changed the subject; Miyagi’s attention snapped to the name Umina.

“When was that?”

“The day we went to the movies. Umina was there too. I told her we just ran into each other.”

“She believed that?”

“Maybe. I don’t care if she believes me or not.”

“I won’t go out with you again, so it doesn’t matter.”

Miyagi spoke coldly and thumped the crocodile’s head. I slumped back against the bed, watching her sulky face.

“You still want to go out again, don’t you?” I said on purpose, and she answered immediately.

“I won’t go out with you again.”

When Miyagi pulled back like a stretched rubber band snapping, it was terrifying how cleanly she did it. I didn’t know whether she did that with everyone or only with me, and that silenced me. It’s cruel to come close without caring for the other person’s feelings, then push away once satisfied.

“There’s nowhere for the two of us to go anyway.”

That wasn’t exactly what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t find another line. I sighed, then threw the crocodile at Miyagi.