Volume 4 Episode 05

Before winter break, we definitely made a promise. So, truthfully, She should have kissed me right after studying, and this isn’t the right timing. But if Sendai-san wants to, I thought it would be okay, and I felt like specially allowing her, who said, “I’ll exercise my right a little more.”

But her definition of “a little more” is absolutely wrong. She said, “don’t get angry,” then kissed me once. And now I’ve just received the third kiss.

I don’t mind her exercising her right, but she should at least respect the “a little more” she added herself. Sendai-san, who is still leaning in as if it’s not enough, is clearly kissing too much.

Before the fourth kiss, I push her forehead with my hand.

“Sendai-san.”

I put strength into my hand and push the approaching face away. Yet she peels my hand off and kisses me as if to steal my words.

The familiar softness and warmth reach me, then quickly separate. And our lips meet again.

I think Sendai-san’s lips feel good.

Earlier, when I touched her body, my heart felt like it would break.

It was beating maybe twice as fast as usual, and I couldn’t breathe properly.

My hands and face were hot, and I didn’t feel like myself.

I’m still nervous now, but it’s different from before. I have the composure to find the softness and warmth transmitted from our overlapping lips pleasant.

But if she doesn’t stop soon, I’ll be in trouble.

I push Sendai-san’s shoulders and separate our bodies.

“Even as payment, that’s too many kisses. This isn’t ‘a little.’”

When I say that, her finger touches my lips.

“Number of times wasn’t specified.”

“Then I’m specifying now.”

“That specification applies starting next time.”

A voice lightly rejecting my words reaches me, and Sendai-san’s lips touch mine again.

Over and over.

So many times that counting becomes bothersome. Every right she exercised was just touching lips, and even now our lips are only touching. She might be considerate so it doesn’t become “weird,” but it’s unlike her.

The Sendai-san I know is pushy, perverted, and not gentle.

Someone who only gives light kisses like this feels too kind. It’s not that I feel unsatisfied with the pleasant kisses, but it throws me off.

I start thinking maybe a slightly deeper kiss would be okay. No.

If I keep allowing Sendai-san like this, things will get strange again. In the first place, Sendai-san doesn’t become gentle with me for no reason.

“If you do any more, I’ll really get angry.”

The instant our lips separate, I declare it before the next kiss.

“It’s fine, just a little more.”

“It’s not fine. Your ‘little’ is a lot.”

“Stingy.”

“I’ll be stingy, so stop.”

I slide backward and put distance between us. Then I turn off the nightlight and plunge the room into darkness.

“Go to sleep now.”

I announce what should be done at night and pull the blanket. But Sendai-san is in the way, and I can’t pull it properly.

“Then I’m sleeping, so Miyagi, go back to your own territory.”

A hand reaches from somewhere and pushes me.

“...No.”

After school, when Sendai-san who came to my room leaves, almost no one else is in this house. Whether the weather is good or bad, once night falls I’m alone. I’m used to having no one here, but the time until morning is too long to spend alone. Even if I’m just sleeping, sometimes unknown things appear in dreams, and I feel uneasy.

On such a night, unusually, someone else is here.

If so, I should make use of that someone.

Even if that someone is Sendai-san.

And the closer the distance, the better.

Her stomach was warm, and her lips were warm too.

Being alone is cold, so she can serve as a warmer.

I forcibly pull the blanket toward me and slip into the futon before her.

“Hey, why are you trying to sleep on this side? If Miyagi sleeps here, I’ll go to the bed.”

Rustling sounds tell me Sendai-san is trying to stand.

“The bed is my territory, so no.”

I grab and pull Sendai-san.

“Even if You’re not using it?”

“Right. Even if I’m not using it, that’s my territory, and your territory is here.”

“If you want to sleep together, just say you want to sleep together.”

“That’s not it. More importantly, get my pillow from the bed.”

“I can’t see anything.”

With the nightlight off, the room is completely dark; nothing is visible.

But Sendai-san has come to this room more times than she can count.

“Even if you can’t see, you roughly know where the bed is, right?”

“You really are selfish, Miyagi.”

An exasperated voice reaches me, and Sendai-san’s presence moves away. But soon it returns, and something like a pillow is placed on the futon.

“Move over a bit more.”

Sendai-san says while pushing me.

I grope for the pillow, make space, and Sendai-san straightens the blanket before slipping in beside me.

“It’s cramped.”

An unhappy voice accompanies a light kick to my calf, but if I move any farther to the edge, I’ll fall off the futon, so I turn my back to Sendai-san and close my eyes.

The dark room becomes even darker.

It’s dark enough that a ghost behind me wouldn’t be strange.

But today Sendai-san is here.

“What’s your goal?”

A low voice asks as I’m poked in the back.

“It’s fine. Doesn’t matter where I sleep.”

I pull the blanket and curl up.

“If you pull too much, I’ll be cold.”

Complaints come from behind, but when I stay silent, instead of the blanket, for some reason my sweatshirt is pulled. A palm presses against my back. Even through fabric, it’s a little ticklish, but warm and pleasant.

The transmitted body heat reminds me of Sendai-san’s body hidden beneath the sweatshirt.

Back then, I thought if I touched her I might be able to believe her unbelievable words, and my anxiety might disappear. But far from disappearing, the anxiety grew larger. Even though I saw the necklace with my own eyes and knew she was keeping that promise, I still can’t believe she’ll continue keeping promises in the future.

Even now Sendai-san is right beside me, and I can touch her, yet if I turn around it feels like she’ll vanish like a ghost. I’m not scared.

I silently recite the spell I’ve repeated countless times on lonely nights.

I curl my back more and grip the edge of the futon.

When I open my eyes and squeeze them shut again, the body heat from my back becomes vague, and it feels like I’m alone. A little fear makes my shoulders and arms tense.

“Miyagi.”

A small voice calling me makes the blurred warmth solid again.

There is definitely someone in this room, and that someone is Sendai-san.

The hand pressed against my back grabs my sweatshirt once more.

Anticipating she might call me by my first name, I speak first.

“If you call me Shiori, I’ll remove the condition if kissing you every day you come here.”

Calling someone by my first name is ordinary, nothing special. Maika and Ami both call me “Shiori,” and in the past others did too. Yet being called by my name by Sendai-san feels special, and I don’t want it.

“It’s fine to call you Miyagi, right?”

Saying that, Sendai-san calls, “Miyagi.”

Miyagi.

Miyagi, Miyagi.

The voice repeatedly calling me makes the tension leave my body.

“Sendai-san, you’re noisy. Go to sleep already.”

A “yeah” reaches me, but instead of sleeping, Sendai-san touches my hair.

She strokes it as if combing with her fingers.

Over and over.

The gentle hand and transmitted warmth make my eyelids just a little heavy. When I slightly straighten my curled back, a small “good night” accompanies the hand moving away.

✧✧✧✧✧

I forgot to set the alarm clock.

I have no memory of setting my phone alarm either.

School is on break, so it doesn’t matter, and there’s no need to wake early.

Yet my eyes open on their own, and when I move, Sendai-san is beside me.

“…Why?”

I close my eyes once, then open them wide.

I look beside me.

Sendai-san’s peacefully sleeping face is clearly visible.

With a hazy head, I trace my memories.

Yesterday, Sendai-san came over. We ate together.

She ended up staying the night.

Because I told her to stay.

That memory is correct.

Digging further, I find things I don’t want to acknowledge as true.

—The reason Sendai-san is sleeping next to me.

It’s because I willingly entered the futon laid out for her and fell asleep.

“My body hurts."

Because we slept side by side on a futon too narrow for two, my joints feel like they’re about to creak. I let out a small breath, then reach out and lightly tug the bangs right beside me.

“Nn...”

Her lips move sluggishly, and an unintelligible sound leaks out.

Still, Sendai-san doesn’t wake. 

I touch her cheek with my fingertips and stroke down to the tip of her chin.

She must be sleeping deeply; she doesn’t even twitch.

“...Hazuki.”

I softly call her name, but since she says nothing, I take a strand of her long hair. I pull it toward me and brush my lips against the slightly brown hair that never gets scolded despite breaking school rules.

I hadn’t noticed yesterday, but the hair has a nice texture and smells the same as mine.

I release my lips and move a little closer to Sendai-san.

Not just the hair; her whole body smells like me. This Sendai-san, wearing my clothes and carrying my scent, is one only I know. I can even call her my Sendai-san. But I probably won’t ever see her sleeping like this again.

I reach out and touch the necklace chain at the collar of her sweatshirt.

The promised day is approaching. Winter break will end soon, and once the new year comes and I tear off a few calendar pages, graduation will be here before I know it. When that day arrives, high school life ends, and whether I like it or not, a new life begins. I let out a small breath.

When my fingertips crawl along the chain, Sendai-san suddenly twitches, and my heart nearly stops. I hurriedly pull my hand from the necklace and quietly slip out of the futon. I grab a change of clothes, leave the room without making a sound, and head to the bathroom. I brush my teeth, change, and go to the kitchen.

I already know what’s in the fridge without opening it, but I check anyway. As expected, almost nothing. I take bread from the freezer, put two slices in the toaster, and prepare plates and glasses. Before I can go call her, Sendai-san appears.

“Morning. What are you doing?”

She speaks in a sleepy voice, still wearing the sweatshirt, and looks at the toaster.

“Morning. I think it’s obvious.”

“Are you maybe making breakfast?”

“Not maybe. Definitely breakfast.”

“...Miyagi, I have prep school this afternoon, so if it snows I’m in trouble.”

“If you don’t want to eat, just say so.”

I lightly kick the leg of the rude Sendai-san. I’m bad at cooking and usually eat casually, but I almost never skip breakfast. I can at least toast bread.

“Just kidding. Can I go change?”

Sendai-san says while tugging the hem of the sweatshirt.

“No. The bread will be ready soon.”

I open the fridge, and for some reason Sendai-san peeks in too.

“There was jam, right?”

Her voice sounds right by my ear, so I push her forehead.

“There is, but it might be past the expiration date.”

“Seriously?”

“There’s butter, so it’s fine.”

I hand her the butter container from the back of the fridge, and she makes an unnecessarily disappointed sound.

“It would be delicious if we spread it together.”

“You’ll get fat.”

“Well, true. So, expiration date?”

Urged by her voice, I reluctantly pick up the jam jar and check the numbers.

“Barely okay.”

I hand the jam to Sendai-san, take out orange juice too, and close the fridge. Sendai-san puts the butter and jam on the counter table, and the toaster makes a pleasant sound. I take out the bread, put it on plates, pour orange juice into glasses, and carry everything to the counter table.

We sit side by side and say “let’s eat” to our far-from-luxurious breakfast.

Our voices overlap, and I look at Sendai-san.

Mornings with my father are extremely rare.

Mornings with my mother don’t exist.

A morning with someone beside me is unusual.

I spread butter on my bread. When I take a bite, Sendai-san, having finished spreading jam over her butter, looks at me.

“Put some on yours too, Miyagi.”

The jam jar slides across the table toward me. In restaurants, I often see bread with both butter and jam, but I’m not in the habit of spreading both at once.

Butter is butter, jam is jam.

Bread with them separate is enough. 

But Sendai-san is looking at me with expectant eyes, so I modestly spread jam over the butter. The crust crunches, and the flavor of milk and strawberry spreads in my mouth. As I eat with more crunching, the saltiness of the butter and sweetness of the jam blend just right.

“Delicious?”

When asked, I answer, “More than I expected.”

Breakfast is just to fill the stomach; as long as it’s not something I hate, taste never mattered. But it’s delicious enough that next time I might spread a little more jam.

“Good.”

Sendai-san smiles brightly and drinks her orange juice. Come to think of it, during summer break we made and ate French toast together. Besides that, we’ve cooked and eaten together in this place many times. Looking back, meals and Sendai-san are deeply connected. Eating together has become normal, and if we stop meeting, meals might become boring.

I take a sip of orange juice.

I’ve come to find dinner with Sendai-san delicious.

I found breakfast with Sendai-san delicious.

Even though for years I ate alone morning and night, because of Sendai-san I’m starting to strongly feel I don’t want to eat alone. The me who was used to being alone is changing into something different.

I empty the glass of orange liquid and put the remaining toast into my stomach.

The slightly burnt bread mixed with butter and jam seems to close a hole that was starting to open somewhere in my body.

“I’ll wash them, so go change. Also, there’s a new toothbrush in the bathroom.”

I tell Sendai-san while clearing the plates.

“Thanks. There’s still time before prep school, so I’ll help wash first.”

“No need. If you don’t want to change, that’s fine too.”

“I’ll go change.”

Sendai-san pops the last piece of toast into her mouth in one bite and stands. She goes to the room, and I’m left alone.

I take away the dishes and glasses she used and turn on the hot water.

While washing the dishes with a soapy sponge, I glance at the clock.

A few more hours.

It feels like not much time has passed since Sendai-san came yesterday, but soon I’ll be alone again. The slight loneliness I feel is because I know the person who was beside me all night won’t be here tonight.

There’s no way Sendai-san won’t go to prep school, and there’s no way she’ll stay again tonight. I know that, but her leaving feels very unpleasant.

I finish washing all the dishes and turn off the water. When I return to the room, Sendai-san, already fully ready, is waiting.

“There’s time, so let’s study.”

She says while spreading reference books on the table.

“We will... but...”

“But?”

“No kiss quota for today.”

I sit beside her and answer; Sendai-san makes a puzzled face.

“Why?”

She’s probably asking even though she knows.

Yesterday she kissed me that many times saying it was payment for teaching, and demanding payment again today is just too greedy.

“Number limit. You already used yesterday’s and today’s portion yesterday.”

“I never heard anything about a number. How many is that limit?”

“I’m not telling Sendai-san.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? If I don’t know, I can’t stay within the limit.”

“When I say no, it’s over.”

I open the reference book and look at the lined-up text.

I haven’t decided on a number, so I can’t answer, and even if I did, Sendai-san would break it immediately, so it’s meaningless. Besides, if she kissed me like yesterday, something might happen, and I absolutely don’t want that.

“You really are selfish, Miyagi.”

“You’re the same, Sendai-san.”

I answer without looking at her face, and “Well, I won’t deny that” comes from beside me; the conversation abruptly stops.

We continue studying quietly without further talk, and before I know it, it’s afternoon. We eat lunch together, and soon it’s time for Sendai-san to leave; I hear her say it’s about time to go.

“I’ll walk you down.”

I tell Sendai-san, who is holding her coat and bag.

“It’s cold, so it’s fine.”

“It’s okay. I’ll be right back.”

I take a down jacket from the closet and put it on. Sendai-san says, “Then I’ll go down with you.”

We leave the apartment together and lock the door. We walk down the hallway and ride the elevator.

Passing through the entrance hall, we open the door to the outside, and a gust of wind blows in. I involuntarily shrink my neck, and a voice comes from behind.

“So cold!”

The heat-loving Sendai-san looks cold.

The wind that came in is colder than expected, so I understand. After a few steps outside, it’s cold enough to make me want to turn back. When I look at Sendai-san, she has an unhappy face.

Our breath isn’t white yet, but both sun and clouds look far away. The sky is dyed a pale blue like an iceberg, and just looking at it makes my body shiver.

“This is fine. Thanks for letting me stay.”

Sendai-san puts her hands in her coat pockets while looking cold, then adds, “See you.”

Normally we would part here, and I would go back inside the building.

But today I grab the arm of Sendai-san, who is about to walk away.

“Miyagi?”

There’s nothing I forgot to say, nothing I have to say. My hand just moved on its own and grabbed her arm, so no words come to mind. Yet I can’t let go and just stare at her.

“I’ll be late for prep school.”

Saying that, Sendai-san takes her hands out of her pockets. Then she grabs my hand that won’t release her.

“Aren’t you going to be late?”

When I ask, “Yeah, so I’m going now” comes back in words that sound like she’s about to start walking, but Sendai-san doesn’t move and doesn’t let go of my hand either.

“Miyagi, next time will be next year?”

Sendai-san tightly squeezes the hand she’s holding.

“That’s the plan. I’ll contact you when I decide a day I want you to teach me.”

“Got it.”

The squeezed hand is released.

Sendai-san isn’t kind.

I know that well, but studying is important to her, prep school is important, and she doesn’t think I’m that important. So I’ll be alone in that house again.

“See you.”

Sendai-san starts walking.

“See you later.”

A hand waves in response to my voice.

Sendai-san’s back grows smaller.

I’m used to being alone, yet thinking about returning alone to the room where Sendai-san was until just now makes me feel terribly depressed.

✧✧✧✧✧

Happy New Year.

When I wake up and check my phone by the pillow, messages saying it’s January 1st have arrived from Maika and Ami. I reply the same way: “Happy New Year.”

There’s no message from Sendai-san.

Of course, no call either.

She wouldn’t call at the exact moment the year changes, and she doesn’t send “happy new year” messages. I didn’t call or message her either, but I think she could at least contact me.

I lie there staring at the phone screen.

The ringtone doesn’t suddenly sound.

“It’s fine.”

Sendai-san isn’t here, but today I’m not alone.

Unusually, my father is home, and we’re eating together.

When I was little, I loved New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day when my father was home. After entering middle school, it stopped feeling special, but having someone home is reassuring. Now I’m more concerned about the phone that has no contact from Sendai-san than eating with my father.

I roll over and stroke the head of the black cat plush toy by my pillow. Then I place the phone next to the black cat and crawl out of bed.

I stretch greatly and leave the room.

I brush my teeth, return to the room, change, and head to the living room.

I greet my father with “Happy New Year” and eat breakfast together.

Compared to school days, time seems to pass quickly, but since nothing interesting happens, it also feels long. Somehow I open a reference book and sit at the desk; before I know it, it’s evening, and I’ve finished dinner without doing anything besides studying.

The phone watched over by the black cat receives several messages, but all are from Maika or Ami, none from Sendai-san.

In the end, just because it’s January 1st doesn’t mean anything special happens.

Aside from studying, it was a day no different from last year, and I went to sleep a little earlier than usual, just like last year.

The next day is the same.

When I wake up, I’m alone in the house just like last year, and before I know it, it’s night.

The clock shows past ten, and I lie on the bed.

Alone in the room where I slept with Sendai-san a few days ago.

I’m not lonely, but it’s boring.

I pull the black cat plush toy closer and tug its ear. The black cat doesn’t meow, but instead my phone rings. I pick it up from the pillow and look at the screen: a message from Sendai-san saying “Are you alone right now?” that doesn’t feel like New Year’s at all. I reply “Yes,” and immediately a call comes from her.

The ringtone sounds once, and I hesitate.

If I answer right away, it’ll seem like I was waiting for her call, so after three rings I sit up and answer. “Hello,” I say toward the phone, and “Happy New Year” comes back. On the phone, her voice feels close.

It reminds me of sleeping in the same futon.

Her voice was close then too.

I tightly grip the phone.

A call is no big deal.

“...Happy New Year.”

I say the greeting I didn’t say to Sendai-san last year and wait for her words. But she says nothing.

“What do you want?”

Since I have no choice, I speak first.

“I was wondering when I should go to your place.”

“I told you I’d contact you when I decide.”

“That’s why I’m asking, because there’s no contact.”

“No contact means I haven’t decided yet, so wait a bit longer.”

New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day aren’t days to call her over for studying. I have that much common sense. It’s only the second today, still within New Year’s, so it’s hard to call her. So it’s unfair to be spoken to as if I’m wrong for not contacting sooner.

“Winter break will end while I’m waiting, so decide now.”

Sendai-san says in a tone that decides it’s my fault.

“I have plans too, and I can’t decide right now if you suddenly tell me to.”

I don’t really have plans, but I don’t want to decide immediately. If her business is deciding the next schedule, once I decide, everything ends and the call will be over.

I think we could talk a bit more to kill time.

“You have plans, Miyagi?”

A voice that sounds like she’s surprised reaches me, and I get a little irritated. It’s annoying that she assumes it’s normal for me to have no plans.

“Can’t I?”

“It’s not that you can’t… What have you been doing since then?”

“Since then” probably means since the last time we met.

“Nothing special.”

“New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day too?”

“Nothing to do.”

“Did you meet friends or anything?”

“You really ask things like a parent right away, Sendai-san.”

My father doesn’t try to keep track of what I do, but parents you see in manga or on TV often do. Sendai-san is like those parents and sometimes wants to know what I’m doing. I don’t find it annoying, but I think knowing what I did wouldn’t be interesting for her.

“It’s fine to ask. There’s nothing else to talk about. So, did you meet Utsunomiya or anyone?”

Sendai-san says in a voice I can’t tell if she’s interested or not.

“No. Everyone’s busy with exam studying this time of year. You didn’t meet friends either—”

I start to say “right,” then remember. But before I can say what I remembered, Sendai-san mentions Ibaraki-san’s name herself.

“I went to the first shrine visit with Umina and the others and prayed for passing.”

At the name I didn’t really want to hear, I flop onto the bed. I reach for the black cat and pinch its ear.

“I prayed for you too, Miyagi.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“But you don’t go to the first shrine visit, right?”

She says it as if it’s decided, and I stroke the black cat’s head.

“I don’t believe in that stuff.”

“I don’t really believe either, but it’s about the feeling. The feeling.”

Sendai-san doesn’t seem like the type to pray for exam success. If she had time to cling to a god, she would be studying instead. If that kind of Sendai-san had prayed for me alone, that would be nice, but she wasn’t alone. She just did it while going to the first shrine visit with Ibaraki-san.

It doesn’t feel like her heart was really in it.

Even so, I feel it would be wrong to deny Sendai-san any further, so I shut my mouth. Then I no longer know what to talk about.

“Have you decided on a schedule yet?”

Sendai-san drags out the almost-forgotten promise of the next study session and reconnects the broken conversation.

“Are you free the day after tomorrow?”

“Not tomorrow, but the day after?”

“Yes.”

“If evening is okay.”

“Then come the day after tomorrow.”

“Why not tomorrow?”

“Because it’s still within the first three days of the new year.”

Considering Sendai-san’s family situation, the first three days probably don’t matter to her, but I show a little consideration anyway.

“You care about that kind of thing.”

“I don’t, but you have your own studying to do, right, Sendai-san?”

When I say that, “Well, yeah” comes back, and she adds, “Then the day after tomorrow it is.” The call ends, and the voice that had felt close doesn’t just grow distant; it disappears completely. The room with no one to talk to becomes too quiet, and my mood grows heavy.

Winter break is short.

If we meet the day after tomorrow, that will probably be the last time.

Both Sendai-san and I are exam students.

I’d be troubled if she blamed failing university entrance exams on me disturbing her studies. It’s not like I absolutely have to go to the same university as Maika, but I’d rather pass than fail. This is the time when we both need to face studying more seriously.

If we weren’t exam students, I think I could have called Sendai-san over more casually.

Last year I could have called her as many times as I wanted.

One year ago, we kept the promise not to meet on holidays, so we didn’t see each other, but I still end up thinking like that.

Winter break really is boring.

I let out a big sigh.

I place the black cat plush on top of the phone by my pillow and turn off the light.

It’s early to sleep, but I close my eyes.

The night passes quickly, and morning comes. I study more seriously than last year and spend a long day. Before sleeping, the phone doesn’t ring.

No messages arrive, no calls come.

I sleep early, wake early, and put the black cat on the bookshelf. When the promised evening arrives, the intercom rings, and I let Sendai-san into the otherwise empty house. She says, “Long time no see,” takes off her shoes, and repeats the “Happy New Year” she was supposed to have said on the phone. Since I have no choice, I also say, “Happy New Year.”

“Wait in the room.”

I tell Sendai-san, who has taken off her coat, and go to the kitchen.

While putting cookies on a plate, I think.

I heard Sendai-san’s voice on the phone two days ago.

Thinking that way, her “long time no see” feels incorrect, but it has been a while since I last saw her face, and I thought the same. Last year’s winter break was different because we didn’t meet even once. And when I think like that, her casual “long time no see” feels like an overstuffed bag weighing on my shoulders. It’s just an ordinary phrase, yet it starts to feel important.

I open the fridge and take out cider and barley tea.

Because I think too deeply, meaningless words gain meaning. There’s no need to voluntarily give significance to things that have none.

I pour cider and barley tea into glasses and put the bottles back in the fridge. Carrying the tray with plates and glasses, I return to the room, where Sendai-san is waiting with her reference book open.

When I place the plates and glasses in the empty space on the table, I hear, “Thanks.”

Turtleneck sweater and jeans.

Unusually, her neck is hidden. Her hair isn’t tied either. A Sendai-san who looks like a stranger is watching me.

“Aren’t you sitting?”

Still standing in a daze, I’m pulled by her words and sit beside her. For some reason I touch the buttons of my own blouse, and she calls, “Miyagi.”

“Is anyone home today too?”

“No.”

“Parents working?”

Sendai-san takes a cookie and bites it.

“Yes.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Same as today.”

It doesn’t mean anything in particular.

The questions are asked in a light tone. Before winter break, I could have answered and let it drop. But now it’s different. They don’t feel like completely meaningless questions.

I get ahead of her and tell Sendai-san.

“...I’m not letting you stay tonight.”

“I’m not asking to stay.”

My words are immediately denied, and now I’m the one asking.

“Then what were those questions about?”

“I just asked because it seems no one’s home.”

Saying that, Sendai-san pokes my workbook with the tip of her pen.

“Anything you don’t understand?”

“There is.”

“Where?”

I can tell she’s trying to change the subject.

Even if she isn’t asking to stay, the questions seemed to have some kind of meaning. But I don’t think I’d get a proper answer even if I pressed, so I let the urge to ask fade and pick out the parts I don’t understand from the workbook and say them aloud.

This time I get a precise explanation without evasion.

The room isn’t as cold as school or overly hot, so it’s comfortable, and I prefer hearing Sendai-san’s voice to a sleepy teacher’s. Studying isn’t fun, but it goes better than when I’m alone.

That’s why I called her today. If I can solve the problems I don’t understand, that’s enough. Still, I’m conscious of the person beside me and look at Sendai-san.

Her long hair falling over her shoulders looks annoying.

Of course, the pretty nape I’m always able to see is hidden.

Both the hair and the turtleneck sweater feel like bad things. They’re hiding what I want to see.

“If you’re going to stare, look at this, not me.”

Sendai-san points at my notebook.

I do as told and look at the notebook; she says, “Ask if there’s anything you don’t understand,” and starts her own studying.

The room suddenly becomes quiet.

I silently move my pen, and quite a bit of time passes. When I reach for a glass, the once-cold cider has become lukewarm. I look at the glass with its half-remaining clear liquid.

I think about going to the kitchen but decide not to. I shift my gaze from the glass to Sendai-san.

The long hair and turtleneck sweater feel terribly obstructive. They’re hiding what I want to see.

“What? Want a break?”

Perhaps feeling my stare, Sendai-san looks up.

“It’s okay to rest, but is time all right?”

I ask while still looking at her neck.

“Still fine. Want to take a short break?”

“Let’s eat. You’re staying for dinner, right, Sendai-san?”

“I’ll eat.”

Sendai-san closes her reference book and asks, “What are we having?” I don’t answer that and instead reach for the hidden neck.

My fingertips touch the sweater.

But the hand is immediately pushed back by Sendai-san. 

“Are we not eating?”

“Actually, let’s take a little break first.”

“If we’re taking a break, then rest quietly… or does Miyagi want to ‘take a break’?”

The emphasized word brings back memories of summer vacation.

During last year’s long, long break, the word “break” had meanings beyond its original sense of “rest for a short while.”

Using the word “break” as a trigger, we kept doing things that weren’t what friends do.

“We’re not taking a break. I was just bothered because I can’t see your neck.”

Winter is different from summer.

The break is short, and graduation is near.

We have to prepare to head to different worlds.

“It’s not my neck you want to see, it’s something else, right?”

Sendai-san says in an annoyed tone and turns her whole body toward me. Then she touches my hair and runs her fingers along my nape.

“If you already know, then show me.”

I think Sendai-san is mean.

She knows what I want to see and doesn’t say it.

She won’t show me and just touches me instead.

The fingers slowly crawling along my nape tickle.

I grab her hand and try to pull it closer. But her hand slips away smoothly.

“We didn’t promise I’d obey orders during winter break, right? Besides, do you really think I’m not wearing the pendant?”

“You might not be.”

“Trust me a little.”

I want to trust her if I could.

Then I wouldn’t need to think about checking.

I wouldn’t think about wanting to keep her tied with something like a collar.

But Sendai-san only does things that make her untrustworthy. She deliberately hides things I can’t believe even when I see them with my own eyes. That’s why I end up doubting.

“...You’re deliberately hiding it today, aren’t you?”

I stare at the neck hidden by the sweater.

“Not really, but do you want to see that badly?”

“If I say I want to see, will you show me?”

Sendai-san smiles at my words.

“I’ll show you if Miyagi keeps her promise.”

“What promise?”

“It’s okay to kiss, right?”

Saying that, she undoes one button of my blouse without asking.

“Eh.”

A voice escapes before I can grab the hand undoing the button at the unexpected action.

“What?”

“I didn’t say you could undo the button.”

I protest against the selfish Sendai-san, but her hand doesn’t listen. She undoes another button and strokes my collarbone.

“If you want to see the pendant, stay still.”

“...What are you planning to do?”

“I said kiss, didn’t I?”

Sendai-san brings up the promise I cannot refuse. We just finished studying, so I can’t refuse the promised kiss.

Her fingertips crawl along my nape toward the back of my neck.

This isn’t part of the promise, but before I can complain, she places a kiss just above my collarbone.

Does this kind of kiss count as part of the promise?

While I’m wondering about something that seems important yet not that important, her lips touch my nape. They press softly, then she kisses a different spot.

Touch, then separate.

Her lips trace my nape, moving upward.

The breath blowing on me tickles, and my nape tenses.

The warm feel of her lips almost stops my breathing.

I don’t know if this is okay, but it doesn’t feel like something I need to push her body away for. This is probably within the promise, so there’s no helping it.

The lips that had been repeatedly kissing my nape press strongly near my ear, and I involuntarily grab Sendai-san’s arm. Yet without hesitation, she sucks hard on my skin. It’s not painful enough to complain, but it feels like being pricked by a needle.

Instead of pushing her shoulder, I dig my nails into her arm, and she bites my neck. But the lips immediately separate, and something wet attaches to my earlobe. It’s warmer than lips; definitely her tongue, licking along the outline of my ear.

In sync with the tongue pressed against my ear, a shiver runs around the back of my heart. The sound of Sendai-san inhaling and exhaling feels strangely close, and it seems like our heartbeats synchronize.

My breathing almost falls apart from the too-close body heat, so I steady it.

Our breaths overlap in timing, and I push Sendai-san’s shoulder hard.

“This isn’t a kiss.”

“You didn’t tell me to stop, Miyagi.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s okay just because I didn’t say stop. And what’s with undoing two buttons? You could have done it without undoing that many. And there’s definitely a mark now.”

I stroke the spot Sendai-san sucked hard. But my fingertips don’t have eyes, so I can’t tell what it looks like.

“We didn’t decide where I could kiss back then, right? So no matter where I kiss, you can’t complain.”

She says it calmly, then presses the spot that probably has a mark with my hand still on it.

Her fingertips move, touch my ear, and comb through my hair.

And because she casually brings her face close, I end up pushing her shoulder again.

“There’s a mirror on that desk over there; go get it.”

I’ll accept that not specifying kiss locations was my fault. But that doesn’t mean leaving a mark is okay. Sendai-san has told me many times not to leave marks, so I think it’s fine to give her an order after she did something that would leave one.

“If it’s a mark, there isn’t one.”

“I’ll check myself.”

When I say it firmly, Sendai-san reluctantly goes to get the mirror.

It’s not the first time she’s kissed my nape.

But she’s never left a mark like this before.

It has turned red where she bit me.

But those bite marks disappeared before a full day passed.

“Here.”

She hands me the mirror, and I look at my nape.

It’s in a place where she didn’t need to undo buttons; there’s a clear red mark on my nape. It’s in a perfect spot: even if I button the blouse all the way, it won’t be hidden, yet it’s not too obvious.

“There’s a little mark, but your hair will cover it, right?”

Sendai-san says irresponsibly.

If she says hair will hide it, it feels like it might, but it probably won’t hide completely. She did it on purpose.

She deliberately left a mark in a visible place.

“It might not stand out, but it’s definitely in a place people can see.”

“No, it can be hidden.”

Sendai-san says something careless and touches my hair as if to prove her words, trying to cover the mark. The ends of her hair brushing my nape tickle, so I slap her hand and shove the mirror at her.

“Absolutely impossible. What if someone sees?”

“School’s on break, so it’s fine.”

“My parents might see.”

“You said they’re working and not home today or tomorrow. It’ll probably be gone by the day after, so it’s okay.”

So that’s what it was.

I now understand the meaning of the questions she asked before we started studying.

“Even if my parents aren’t here, I might meet friends.”

“Who was it that said everyone’s busy with exam studying this time of year?”

“...Saying things like that makes you a bad person.”

“Not as bad as Miyagi.”

Sendai-san smiles and says something awful.

Then she grabs my arm.

“Can I kiss you one more time?”

She casually says something terrible, so I block the right she’s trying to exercise.

“No. Instead, show me the necklace.”

Now it’s her turn to keep the promise, so I reach for her. But before I can touch her nape, the necklace is pulled out from under the sweater.