Volume 4 Episode 06

Since then, I haven’t had a chance to exercise my right. Winter break has reached its final day without Miyagi ever calling me. Winter is too short and boring. I walk through the streets that are just starting to grow dark at a speed that is neither slow nor fast.

I’m coming home from prep school and know I should go straight home, but my feet automatically head in the opposite direction. My will is in my feet, not my head, and I keep walking with an unclear destination.

I turn a few corners and almost bump into someone walking hunched against the cold.

I wanted to pretend I didn’t know where I was going, but the familiar scenery makes it impossible not to know. After walking several dozen meters, I arrive at the bookstore where I once forgot my wallet and Miyagi gave me five thousand yen.

I hesitate at the spot where the automatic door seems about to open but doesn’t.

Should I go in, or turn around and go home?

I’m not so pressed for time that I have to rush home and study.

“...Come to think of it, I haven’t bought it yet.”

I remember I still haven’t bought the magazine Umina always reads. School starts tomorrow. I don’t strictly need it, but it would be better to have if I want to join the conversation, so I enter the bookstore.

I do a full lap around the large store.

I’m not so short on time that I have to buy the magazine and leave immediately. I do another lap and slowly head toward the magazine section.

“She wouldn’t be here, right?”

About a year and a half ago.

When I was a second-year, I met Miyagi here, and in her room we made the contract where I obey orders in exchange for five thousand yen. I’m still obeying orders in exchange for five thousand yen. We break promises sometimes, but it feels like the relationship hasn’t changed since then.

That said, it’s not completely unchanged.

Many things have happened, and parts have changed. But the root of the relationship doesn’t feel like it has shifted much.

This winter break is the same.

The payment is kisses instead of five thousand yen, but we’re still satisfying desires in exchange for something. It doesn’t feel like the relationship has changed significantly.

I stop in front of the shelf lined with magazines and pick up one of the books with flashy lettering.

I flip through the pages and put it back where it was.

After repeating that a few times, I take the magazine Umina buys every month and head to the register.

My wallet is in my bag. No five-thousand-yen bill appears from behind me; I pay with my own money and receive the bag with the magazine.

I check my phone; not much time has passed.

My feet automatically move toward the manga section.

I walk leisurely and approach the shelves packed with manga, and a familiar back comes into view. She’s wearing an unfamiliar coat and a scarf she never usually wears, but it’s unmistakably Miyagi.

Even though she wasn’t here when I did two laps.

Miyagi is checking new releases and doesn’t notice me.

I hesitate the same way I did when I entered the store.

I didn’t come to the bookstore because I wanted to meet Miyagi, yet if I call out to her it will seem exactly like that.

By chance.

Just happened to.

Not on purpose.

I came to buy a magazine and Miyagi was just here. I line up excuses in my mind and grip the bag with the magazine tightly. I didn’t come to meet Miyagi, but it’s true I thought she might be here. I’m dissatisfied with our current relationship.

I’m dissatisfied that I have to line up so many excuses just to speak to her. I don’t know if it’s the same kind, but Miyagi seems dissatisfied with the relationship too. Otherwise she wouldn’t want to sleep together or keep checking the pendant. If the same as always was fine, she wouldn’t say things like “teach me during winter break” or “you can stay over.”

I take a small breath.

“Miyagi.”

I call out at a volume that won’t disturb the people choosing books.

But Miyagi doesn’t look at me. It feels like she’s ignoring me even though she heard, or maybe my voice was too quiet and she didn’t hear.

My feet almost start to walk away.

And I feel disappointed in myself for that and in Miyagi for not turning around.

I know how to remove the dissatisfaction.

We just need to change the promise a little.

For example, make it okay to talk at school.

For example, make it okay to meet on holidays.

For example, decide to become friends.

There are many other things we could change, but I don’t have the courage to make a promise big enough to choose one of them. The courage I have is only enough to call Miyagi one more time.

“Miyagi.”

I say it a little louder than before, and Miyagi turns around and calls me “Sendai-san.”

“Did you come to buy manga?”

I stand beside her and look at the book in her hand.

“Yeah. You?”

“I came to buy the usual magazine.”

I show her the bag in my left hand, she says “I see,” and the conversation stops. Miyagi steps a few paces away from me and picks up several manga volumes. My eyes go not to the manga in her hand but to the scarf covering her neck.

“Then I’m going to the register.”

Miyagi says it like she’s declaring she’s leaving first and starts walking.

I silently follow behind her.

“...Sendai-san. I’m going home after I buy these.”

Miyagi stops walking.

“Yeah.”

“Why are you following me?”

“You didn’t say goodbye.”

I understood she wanted to leave me behind, but she didn’t give the greeting that today would be farewell.

“Bye.”

Miyagi says that and starts walking again.

I follow behind once more.

This time she says nothing.

Miyagi pays, receives the bag with the manga, and leaves the bookstore without looking back. As I walk behind her, a cold voice reaches me.

“Don’t follow me.”

“Why?”

I ask the back that only shows me her back.

“I don’t want to be seen walking with you, Sendai-san.”

“We won’t run into anyone we know that easily.”

“We were seen together during summer break by Ibaraki-san, remember?”

“Did we?”

The memory is perfectly clear, but I won’t admit it.

As Miyagi says, Umina saw us when we were out pretending to be friends. But that doesn’t mean the same thing will happen today.

“You definitely remember, Sendai-san. You should stop saying random things right away.”

“You’re too picky, Miyagi. Random is fine. Umina’s probably not around here.”

“She might be walking somewhere.”

“I think Umina’s at home, and walking just a little should be okay, right?”

“...Just a little?”

Miyagi stops dead and turns around.

“Just a little.”

“...Well, walking a little is fine, I guess.”

It’s not exactly welcome, but it’s not a voice that hates the idea either. I say “Then, up to there” while taking three steps forward and standing beside Miyagi.

“Sendai-san, where exactly is ‘there’?”

“There is there.”

I haven’t decided where “there” is, so I don’t know either. Miyagi doesn’t pursue it further.

We somehow start walking together, and I tug the scarf that has been bothering me since we were in the bookstore.

“It’s unusual for you to wear a scarf, isn’t it?”

“It’s not unusual. It’s cold today.”

It’s true that today is colder than usual and our breath is white.

But even on days cold enough for snow, Miyagi never wore a scarf. In my memory she sometimes wears a warm-looking coat, but never a scarf. Even when she was shivering, she didn’t wear one. So “because it’s cold” isn’t the reason.

“Let me borrow it for a second.”

I tug the scarf again.

There’s no way she’s wearing something she never usually wears for no reason.

“No.”

“Come on.”

“If you pull it, it hurts.”

Miyagi says it in an annoyed voice and pushes my shoulder. But when I still don’t let go of the scarf, she stops walking and lets out a sigh big enough to turn the whole town white.

“I’ll take it off, so let go.”

I obediently release my hand at the irritated voice. Immediately the scarf is removed and comes into my hands.

“...Why were you wearing the scarf?”

I stare at the turtleneck knit that appears from beneath it.

“I told you, because it’s cold.”

“I thought you were hiding something.”

This is unfair.

The reason Miyagi, who never usually does, was wearing a scarf. That was to hide the hickey I had given her a few days ago. I thought that if the scarf came off, I might be able to see the mark that could still be there.

“It’s gone.”

Just as I hadn’t said what I was hiding, Miyagi doesn’t say what has disappeared.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Show me.”

“No.”

A voice colder than the winter wind reaches me, and the scarf disappears from my hands. Miyagi shoves the bag with the manga at me, rewraps the scarf, and when she snatches the bag back, she starts walking slowly.

She retraces the path I walked with Miyagi for the first time when we were second-years.

Back then, Miyagi was silent and didn’t speak; now she is silent too. But unlike then, the silence doesn’t bother me now. I don’t think I should have just gone straight home.

“Sendai-san, how long are you going to follow me? Your house isn’t this way.”

An unhappy voice tells me she doesn’t feel the same.

“I said up to there.”

“We’re already there. Bye, see you.”

Spiky words come out with white breath.

“Wait.”

I grab the arm of Miyagi, who is trying to leave as if running away.

“I won’t wait. Let go.”

“If you want me to let go, show me your neck.”

“I said no.”

“I want to see. Show me.”

If it’s really gone, I want to put another one.

This time, one that won’t disappear so quickly.

One that will be visible at school.

“Absolutely no.”

Miyagi slaps the hand holding her arm.

“Stingy. I’m not telling you to take your clothes off; it’s fine.”

I reluctantly let go but complain because I’m not satisfied.

“If you told me to take my clothes off here, you’d be more than a pervert; you’d deserve to be arrested. Should I report you so you get caught?”

“You really are awful, Miyagi.”

Whether the mark I left is still there or not, nothing changes between us. I know something like that won’t change our current relationship, but I wish something would. Otherwise, even if Miyagi gets into the same university as Utsunomiya, I feel like she won’t meet me anymore.

“Sendai-san, I’m really going home, so don’t follow me.”

“Got it. See you.”

There should be something else to say, but these are the only words that come out.

“Bye.”

Miyagi waves without saying “see you.”

When I wave back, she starts walking toward her house.

✧✧✧✧✧

“Yes.”

The moment I step inside, a five-thousand-yen bill is handed to me.

Winter break is over, and the relationship with kisses as payment is over too. That means we have no choice but to return to a relationship mediated by five thousand yen.

“Thanks.”

I say thank you and grab the edge of the offered bill. When I pull, I feel resistance. But when I put in a little more strength, the five-thousand-yen bill immediately comes to me.

As always, the bill didn’t come smoothly, so I call her name.

“Miyagi?”

“It’s nothing.”

A voice that sounds like anything but nothing reaches me.

Her mood has been bad since the moment we met.

But my mood isn’t much better either. I expected not to be called right after winter break ended, but I didn’t think almost a week into the new semester would pass without being called.

“Isn’t calling me a bit late?”

“I can call whenever I want.”

“You can, but it’s not good.”

If I’m not called like this, I’ll face the real exams without seeing Miyagi.

The exam days were that close. 

It’s a time when we both have to concentrate on ourselves, and I was able to study more because I wasn’t called. That was helpful in its own way, and I was fine not meeting, but it wasn’t fun.

And, as expected, she never contacted me with any reason like “because the real exams are close” or “because I want to concentrate” for not calling me.

Miyagi really is no fun.

“I was kindly not calling you to help you focus for the real exams, so be grateful.”

Miyagi says it in an obnoxious, self-important way and enters the room.

“I never asked you to be kind.”

I close the door with a snap, take off my blazer, and undo the second button from the top of my blouse. When I sit in the usual spot, Miyagi comes beside me. My eyes automatically go to her neck. The blouse buttons are fastened all the way up, and no mark is visible on her nape.

Of course.

A lot of time has passed since then.

If a mark remained, it wouldn’t be one I made; it would mean someone else made it. So an unmarked neck should be something to celebrate. Yet there’s a part of me that feels disappointed.

I reach for Miyagi’s neck.

But before my hand touches, Miyagi stands up.

“I’ll get drinks.”

“I don’t need any.”

“Even if you don’t, I do.”

She says it in a flat voice and leaves the room. Left alone, I line up reference books and workbooks on the table and collapse face-down onto them.

Once I take a few university entrance exams, the promised graduation ceremony will arrive soon.

Very little time remains for us.

“Sendai-san, what are you doing?”

I don’t know when she came back, but Miyagi’s voice sounds nearby.

“Sleep-learning.”

“You’re awake.”

“I’m sleeping.”

I answer while still face-down on the table and get treated coldly with “You’re in the way.” Pushed from the side, I raise my face and see barley tea and cider lined up across the reference books. I take a sip of barley tea and ask.

“Do you think you’ll pass the university exams?”

“What about you, Sendai-san?”

“Probably, I think it’ll be okay.”

I couldn’t go to the high school my parents wanted.

I can’t go to the university they want either.

The university I chose out of inertia is different from their hopes, but it still requires decent academic ability. The prep school says I’ll pass, but it would be a lie to say I have no anxiety.

There’s no absolute in this world.

But making a fuss now won’t help, and I’ve done everything I can. If I fail, there’s always the safety school. That’s all I can think and do.

“So, how about you, Miyagi?”

“I’ll probably pass at least one.”

“Isn’t that too half-hearted this far in?”

“I don’t have much confidence.”

Miyagi says it unreliably.

That won’t do.

Miyagi has to pass university.

If she fails the exams, she’ll stay here.

And even if Miyagi stays here, I’m leaving. Even if I fail, I plan to attend a prep school somewhere else, so only futures that never intersect will remain.

“Study properly and have a little more confidence.”

If she says she has no confidence, even things she could pass might fail. I don’t know which university Miyagi chose, but it would be a problem if the option of entering the same university as Utsunomiya disappeared. I want her to take the exams with the spirit of passing all of them.

“I hate studying.”

“If you say that, you’ll fail, so say something more positive.”

“Impossible. If you’re that worried, let’s start studying.”

“Hmm, give me an order first. I’m not in the mood.”

It feels like a long time since I last said the word “order.”

“Study first. The real exams are almost here.”

Unusually serious, Miyagi grips her pen and looks at the workbook. But I can’t bring myself to look at the workbook like her. There are too many things bothering me; I want to reset my feelings.

“It’s fine to start with an order. If I have to do something anyway, doing it first will calm me down for studying.”

“Then teach me a way to definitely pass.”

“I want to know that myself. Make it a more realistic order.”

“If you insist, then you think of the order content, Sendai-san.”

Miyagi looks up from the workbook and says it in an annoyed tone.

“Me?”

“Yes. Decide yourself what you want to be ordered to do.”

“Isn’t it weird to think of an order I have to obey myself?”

I’m used to obeying orders, but not to thinking of them. And thinking of an order I myself have to follow feels like having some special fetish; it’s hard to accept.

“If you think it’s weird, study first. I’ll think of something by the time we finish.”

“...I’ll think now.”

Miyagi’s proposal is too rough.

But it’s better than receiving an excessive order from her.

I stare at the sweaty glass and think. A safe order Miyagi would probably accept. I move my gaze from the glass of barley tea while racking my brain for something safe that Miyagi would accept.

Workbook.

Eraser.

Pencil case.

The hand holding the pen.

My eyes stop there.

“I’ve decided.”

“What?”

“Order me to ‘cast a charm.’”

I smile at her, but Miyagi frowns.

She’s probably wondering what kind of “charm” I mean. But it’s the same as a question with no answer; no matter how much she thinks, she won’t figure it out.

“...Cast a charm on me.”

After thinking for a full ten seconds, Miyagi gives the order as if she has given up.

“Then lend me this for a second.”

Saying that, I take the pen from Miyagi’s hand.

But the pen isn’t what I need, so I place it on the table. I grab the wrist of the clearly wary Miyagi and bring my lips to her fingertips. When I lightly touch the tip of her nail, the hand I’m holding stiffens.

“A charm so you’ll write the correct answers. You said ‘teach me how to definitely pass,’ right, Miyagi?”

I give a simple explanation so her hand won’t escape.

“I’ve never heard of a charm like that.”

“Maybe it’s just one you don’t know?”

I put strength into the hand holding her wrist and pull it toward me. Then I kiss the hand that has touched me so many times before.

The back of her hand.

Above the knuckles at the base of her fingers.

Around the middle of her middle finger.

As I drop kiss after kiss, the strength drains from her hand.

Touching any part of her body with my lips is something I’d never do to anyone else. Because I only do it to Miyagi, this act feels warmer and better than touching with my hands.

I press my lips hard enough against the back of her hand to feel the bones. When I lightly suck, her hand tries to pull away, so I kiss her fingertips one last time and release her wrist.

“...This is a charm you just made up, isn’t it, Sendai-san?”

Miyagi says it with a face that looks nothing but displeased and stares at her fingertips.

“Even if I made it up, if it works, there’s no problem.”

Honestly, if it’s the same kind of kiss, I’d rather do it on her neck and leave a visible mark, but if I did that, I’d definitely be kicked out of the room. She might even never speak to me again.

“Doesn’t seem effective.”

I hear a curt voice and take Miyagi’s hand again.

“It is.”

I say something with no basis and kiss her fingertips. Then I take her index finger into my mouth. I press my teeth against the knuckle and push the pad of her finger with my tongue. When I slowly run my tongue along it, Miyagi angrily pulls her finger out.

“Stop it.”

“Why? You like this kind of thing, Miyagi.”

There was a thorn in her voice, but she doesn’t resist even when I hold her hand.

I’ve been ordered to lick her fingers many times in the past. She has no right to resist now.

I look at Miyagi. She won’t meet my eyes, but she doesn’t look like she’s angry enough to kick me out. When I press my lips to her palm, her arm twitches. I slip my tongue between her fingers.

“Sendai-san!”

Unusually, Miyagi raises her voice, slaps my arm, and digs her nails into my uniform. At the dull pain, I let go, and Miyagi pulls tissues from the box on the shelf and wipes her wet fingers.

I’ve seen this scene several times before and was fine with it until now. But today it looks like she’s wiping me away along with the saliva, and it irritates me.

More precisely, it pisses me off.

I reach out and touch her nape, and Miyagi leans back just a little. Right now, even that small movement is unforgivable. I pull Miyagi close and touch her cheek with my lips.

She’ll definitely resist.

That’s what I thought, but she puts her arms around my back.

Our bodies press together more than necessary.

“...Miyagi?”

Instead of an answer, breath blows against my ear, and something hard touches me. I immediately realize it’s teeth, and I can imagine what will happen next. But before I can pull away, she bites my ear.

“Ow!”

I involuntarily cry out, but Miyagi doesn’t let go. On the contrary, she bites harder, and it hurts enough to feel like my ear might come off. I grab her shoulders and push her away, and Miyagi says unhappily,

“What is it with you, Sendai-san?”

“That’s my line. Stop biting when you don’t like something. It really hurt.”

“You’re the one doing weird things.”

I don’t know if the “weird things” she’s talking about are licking her hand or hugging her, but apparently she didn’t like it.

“Even so, there’s no need to bite for real.”

“This isn’t a charm.”

“It is a charm. And you’re the one who told me to think of the order, Miyagi.”

If we trace it back, it’s Miyagi’s fault for not thinking of the order herself.

Maybe she thinks so too; she doesn’t talk back and just sulks.

“Anything you want to say?”

When I ask, Miyagi picks up the pen that was lying there.

“If I fail, I’ll hold it against you. I don’t want to study for exams another year.”

“Then shall I cast the charm one more time?”

“No need.”

Miyagi looks down at her notebook without looking at me.

But no words are written on the blank page.

“Miyagi.”

“What?”

“Take the exams seriously.”

“I’ll do it seriously even if you don’t tell me, Sendai-san.”

Miyagi says without raising her face.

In exchange for a half-hearted charm, I can’t say anything as heavy as “definitely pass.” Still, I wished for Miyagi to definitely pass.

✧✧✧✧✧

After-school is approaching, and the classroom is restless.

Homeroom feels like a formality; even the teacher looks unmotivated. While the teacher searches for words to end the day, I shift my gaze to Umina.

The common entrance exam test went smoothly.

I’m not sure how serious she was, but Umina said she was fine. Mariko laughed and said she somehow managed. I can’t say for sure it’s absolutely okay, but I think I did well too. But I don’t know how Miyagi did.

I haven’t seen her since the day I cast the charm, and there’s been no contact, so there’s no way to know. Normally, in times like this, people would at least message whether the test went well or not, but we’re not that kind of relationship. We’re study partners but not friends; Miyagi is cold to me. I return my gaze to the front of the classroom.

The teacher looks around the room, announces something not very important as if it were a big deal, and ends homeroom. The classroom immediately becomes noisy, and after-school arrives.

“Hazuki. There’s somewhere I want to go today; come with me.”

Umina’s voice reaches me, and I hesitate to answer. I stand up but can’t immediately say “Sure.”

“Huh? Do you have plans?”

Umina puts her bag on my desk and asks, but her face isn’t very happy.

I should say “No plans, let’s go” even now. There’s not much time left as high school students, but it’s better not to upset Umina.

I raise the corners of my mouth and make a smile.

Just as I’m about to say “No plans, let’s go” to fix Umina’s mood that was starting to sour, Mariko’s voice comes from beside me.

“It’s fine with just the two of us today.”

“Ehh.”

Umina clearly voices her dissatisfaction, but Mariko picks up Umina’s bag, grabs her hand, and starts walking.

“Sorry. I’ll make it up next time.”

I call out to their backs, and Mariko waves lightly in response.

I look down at the bag containing my phone.

I didn’t desperately want to see Miyagi.

But the me who hesitated when Umina invited her is the real me.

I take out my phone and type a message to Miyagi.

『Call me over already』

I hesitate a little and press send.

I’m the one contacting Miyagi who never contacts me.

I’m dissatisfied that this is how it is, but if I don’t contact her, she might never contact me for life, so there’s no choice.

I let out a sigh.

One minute, two minutes.

Time passes slowly, and even after five minutes since sending the message, the phone shows no reaction. Just as I thought.

Miyagi doesn’t reply. I think about summoning her to the music preparation room but decide against it. If she doesn’t reply to this message, she won’t come even if summoned.

Miyagi’s class is next door.

It would be faster to catch her directly.

I put on my coat, take my bag, and go out into the hallway. The door to the neighboring class is closed; I peek through the small window. Miyagi is about to leave the classroom through the back door with Utsunomiya and the others, so I shift my gaze to the hallway.

Our eyes meet.

Before I can call out, Miyagi says, “Forgot something,” and goes back into the classroom.

A second later, my phone vibrates.

『Come to my place a little later』

That message was definitely sent because she thought it was better than being spoken to in front of Utsunomiya and the others.

The thought makes me click my tongue. I want to drag her out of the classroom. I want to declare in front of Utsunomiya and the rest that Miyagi and I have always spent after-school time together, that we met during summer break and winter break too.

Of course, I won’t actually do it. It would make the little high school life we have left unbearable.

『How much is “a little”?』

Leaning against the wall between the two classrooms, I send the reply.

While I idly look around, Utsunomiya and the others who had been waiting for Miyagi go back inside, probably because the hallway is too cold. In the meantime, more messages arrive.

『A while after I leave the classroom』

『Got it』

『I’m leaving the classroom now, so don’t talk to me』

『Yeah, yeah』

I send a message saying I’ll keep the almost-broken promise of not talking at school and look into the hallway.

Miyagi comes out immediately and starts walking with Utsunomiya’s group.

I don’t know exactly how long “a while” is, but I wait five minutes and then leave school too.

I walk toward Miyagi’s house at a pace that doesn’t become too hurried.

The slowly flowing scenery is dull.

There are no green leaves on the roadside trees, and the clothes of the people walking by look drab.

The colorless winter landscape depresses me just by looking at it, and the wind is cold. I was supposed to be walking at a speed that wasn’t too slow or too fast, but my tempo quickens. Even though I left five minutes later, I catch sight of Miyagi’s back, who left school earlier.

“Miyagi.”

I call out when we’re about a minute from the apartment building.

But Miyagi doesn’t stop.

I line up beside her in front of the building, and we go inside.

“Sendai-san, I told you to come to my place a little later, right?”

“I left school a little later but caught up.”

We pass through the entrance hall and ride the elevator together.

“Caught up? That’s weird. You hurried, didn’t you?”

“It’s just that you walk slowly, Miyagi.”

“You’re the one walking fast.”

Complaining, we get off the elevator with Miyagi and walk to her door. I enter after her as she unlocks it. She says, “Wait a sec,” and disappears into her room. When she comes right back, she hands me a five-thousand-yen bill.

“Thanks.”

When I pull, I feel a slight resistance, but it quickly comes to me. I put away the received five-thousand-yen bill and look at Miyagi; she has an odd expression.

“Miyagi?”

“It’s nothing.”

We repeat the same exchange as last time, and Miyagi disappears into the kitchen. I go to the room first, take off my coat and blazer, undo one button of my blouse, and take a manga volume from the shelf guarded by the black cat. I lie on the bed flipping through pages when the door opens and Miyagi places barley tea and cider on the table.

“What temperature should I set the air conditioner so it’s not too hot?”

While hanging my coat and blazer on hangers, Miyagi asks.

“Taking it off is just a habit, any temperature is fine. I’ll say if it’s hot. So, Miyagi, you have something to tell me, right?”

I close the manga I was reading and sit up.

“Something to tell?”

Miyagi sits with the bed as a backrest and looks at me with a face that says she has no idea.

“How were the exams? Did they go well?”

“Do I need to tell you that, Sendai-san? I said I’d tell you whether I passed or not, but I never said I’d talk about whether the tests went well. And there are still exams left.”

“You can say right now whether they were good or bad. Don’t be stingy, just tell me.”

I grab a pillow and lightly hit Miyagi’s head with a thump.

There are still exams to take, and this isn’t the end. As she says, she has no obligation to report to me whether the tests went well. Since we didn’t promise that, wanting to know is just my selfishness. But I can’t suppress the desire to know.

“Miyagi.”

I hit her head with the pillow again, and Miyagi frowns.

“...So-so.”

After a short pause, an ambiguous reply comes.

“So-so? What does so-so mean?”

“I can’t help it if it was so-so. Anyway, how were yours, Sendai-san?”

“So-so.”

When I return the words I just heard, Miyagi turns her back to me.

Even without seeing her face, I can tell she’s in a bad mood.

Miyagi takes a glass and drinks the cider. The half-empty glass is placed back on the table.

I’m used to silence. In the first place, I knew she’d get upset and still answered “so-so.” Even so, the heavy air filling the room bothers me, and I open my mouth.

“Hey, Miyagi, are you going on a graduation trip or anything?”

I bring up a boring, ordinary topic.

“No. You, Sendai-san?”

“Not really a trip, but I’m supposed to go out with Umina and the others.”

“Oh.”

A slightly low voice answers.

When Miyagi turns to look at me, she stands up and snatches the manga that was on the bed.

“I was reading that.”

I don’t particularly want to read the rest, but I complain anyway.

“It was closed, you weren’t reading.”

“I was about to read the rest.”

“I’m giving an order, so read the rest later.”

Saying that, Miyagi puts the manga back on the shelf.

“What are we doing today?”

“Sit properly over there.”

An order flies from in front of the closet.

“On the bed?”

“Yes.”

Following Miyagi’s words, I sit on the bed, and the closet is opened. Then Miyagi takes out a light-blue towel.

“Catch.”

At the same time as the words, the towel is tossed, but it lands in front of where I am. Miyagi doesn’t care. Before I pick up the towel, she gives the next order.

“You know what to do with that, right?”

She says it in a quiet voice and points at the towel.

“Do it myself?”

I pick up the light-blue towel and ask.

Comparing with the past, I know what I’m supposed to do, but thinking about what will happen after this order makes me not want to obey actively.

“Do it yourself.”

Miyagi has bad taste.

She only gives orders that can’t be done openly.

Well, the fact that I’m being ordered by Miyagi itself can’t be done openly either.

“Hurry up.”

When I hesitate with the towel in hand, Miyagi urges me.

Whether I do it myself or Miyagi does it, the result is the same.

The fact that I’m being blindfolded is unchanged, and we just move forward. I’m resistant to blindfolding myself, but if I dawdle, Miyagi’s mood will worsen further, and the next orders might become even worse.

I cover my eyes with the light-blue towel.

Blindfolding myself increases the sense of immorality.

Miyagi really has bad taste.

“I can’t see anything, it’s boring.”

I complain to Miyagi, whose position I can’t clearly tell.

“It’s not meant to entertain you, Sendai-san.”

A voice answers from in front of me.

“Then does that mean it’s fun for you, Miyagi?”

“It’s not fun.”

Miyagi doesn’t just have bad taste; her thinking is strange too.

I don’t understand the meaning of making someone do something that isn’t fun.

“So what am I going to have done to me?”

I ask to distract from the anxiety of not being able to see. But no answer comes back. 

“Miyagi?”

When I call the name of the person who should be right in front of me, a hand touches my cheek.

The hand gently strokes my cheek and traces my lips.

My body stiffens involuntarily.

I remember being blindfolded during summer break. But the hand soon moves away and doesn’t kiss me like that time.

“Sendai-san.”

Miyagi calls me quietly.

She doesn’t touch me, but I feel her gaze. The towel covering my eyes is in the way, so I can’t tell if she’s really looking, but I feel restless. The area around my neck tingles.

“Answer me.”

Miyagi says it as if angry at my silence. When I still don’t reply, she calls “Sendai-san” once more.

“What?”

“Say you hate me.”

“Huh? What, suddenly?”

“Just say it.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

The voice I hear is the same as always.

It’s the slightly low voice she uses when she’s in a bad mood.

It’s not unusual for Miyagi to say incomprehensible things. Her actions are often unpredictable, and I think there’s no point worrying about them. But this order feels like something I shouldn’t obey without understanding the meaning.

“Hate what exactly?”

I slightly raise my face as if to meet her eyes with Miyagi and ask carefully.

The eyes covered by the towel won’t meet hers, but I want to know her true feelings, so I look with eyes that cannot see.

“...Me.”

She mutters.

Right now.

I want to see Miyagi’s face right now.

My hands are free.

I touch the light-blue towel.

I try to remove the towel that’s only in the way and see what expression Miyagi has. But before I can untie the knot, my hands are grabbed. Then the towel is tied tighter.

“I didn’t say you could take it off.”

Miyagi’s voice reaches me, and the spot beside where I’m sitting sinks. Without refusing, my arm is pulled. When I’m turned toward where Miyagi is, I’m pushed down. Thanks to the futon, my back doesn’t hurt, but being handled roughly while blindfolded is scary. I was about to complain, but Miyagi’s voice comes first.

“Hurry up and say it.”

Her fingers touch the pendant chain and slowly pull it out.

The blouse buttons aren’t undone.

The pendant is pulled hard, and the chain digs into the back of my neck.

“You’re pulling too much. It hurts, and it’ll break.”

Miyagi seems to be holding the pendant top, so my neck isn’t strangled, but it feels like she might tighten it until I can’t breathe, and a chill runs down my spine. I can’t see, so I don’t know what she’ll do, and my breathing quickens a little.

“Let go.”

I say it strongly, but the pendant keeps being pulled.

The pain from the chain makes me frown.

“Miyagi.”

No answer.

Instead, heat approaches, and my senses sharpen. When I call “Miyagi” again, the pendant is released, and she bites my nape. Teeth sink into my skin together with something warm. But it doesn’t hurt enough to make me cry out. Maybe because it’s better than the pain of the chain digging in, or maybe because Miyagi’s lips are touching me; I can endure the pain.

However, no more pain is given. Miyagi’s lips and teeth move away, and something that isn’t lips touches the bitten spot. It’s probably a finger; it strokes my neck, casually strokes the chain, and strokes above my collarbone too.

Naturally, one button is undone, and my tie is loosened.

I look at the Miyagi I cannot see because of the towel.

Imagining what will happen next, I let out a small breath.

But Miyagi doesn’t tie my wrists.

She only loosens my tie and does nothing more.

She could have tied my hands from the beginning, and if she wanted to tie me, she would have already done it.

So today, I probably won’t be tied.

Probably, she wants me to touch her.

I make that convenient interpretation for myself and search for Miyagi’s arm and pull it close.

I put my arms around her back and stroke her hair.

My hand isn’t brushed away, and she doesn’t try to escape.

“Do you hate me, Miyagi?”

I ask while stroking her hair like combing it.

“...Yeah.”

After a pause, I hear the answer.

“Then say you hate me clearly. If you do, I’ll obey the earlier order to say I hate you.”

I grope for her cheek, stroke it, and touch her lips with my fingertips.

Miyagi says nothing.

“I won’t get angry, so say it.”

The lips under my fingertips don’t move.

If she said she hated me here, I’d be surprised. She doesn’t mind when I put my arms around her back or touch her hair; saying she hates me would be forced.

When I slowly move my fingers away from her lips, Miyagi’s body pulls back a little, and her hand touches the pendant. She traces the chain so hard it feels like it will leave a mark on my skin, and her fingertips reach the pendant top.

“Give me the necklace back.”

She pulls the pendant so strongly that I’d believe her if she said she was going to break it.

Without hesitation, I remove the towel covering my eyes.

A very displeased face, yet one that looks like it might cry.

In my eyes, freed from darkness and pressure before she could stop me, is reflected a face with deep wrinkles between the brows. My vision is still blurry from being released from the darkness, but what I see is definitely Miyagi.

“I told you not to take it off without permission.”

Miyagi lets go of the pendant and snatches the towel.

“More importantly, what do you mean ‘give the pendant back’?”

“There’s no reason.”

A voice that is not just curt but emotionless reaches me.

I grab Miyagi’s blouse.

“Then I won’t give it back. You’re the one who said to wear the pendant until graduation, Miyagi. Keep the promise properly.”

“You break promises too, Sendai-san.”

Miyagi says it like she’s biting and peels my hand off her blouse.

“Even if I break them, you keep yours, Miyagi.”

When I say the selfish words, Miyagi silently tries to rip the pendant off.

“I’m not giving this back.”

I slap her hand and emphasize it.

Even so, the pendant keeps being pulled, so I slap her hand again. Then the chain digging into my neck loosens, and her hand moves away.

“Hey, Miyagi. There are still exams left, so stop saying weird things. It makes me depressed.”

I push Miyagi away and sit up.

“You never get depressed, Sendai-san.”

She says it in a small voice and lies face-down on the bed.

“You’re an idiot, Miyagi.”

I lightly hit her head with a pillow with a thump, get off the bed, and ask.

“Next?”

“Huh?”

Miyagi raises her face and looks at me.

“When should I come here next? You decided to call me and pay five thousand yen until graduation, so hurry up and say it.”

“...I’ll contact you.”

“You definitely won’t. Decide it now, here.”

When I urge her strongly, Miyagi buries her face in the pillow.

“Six days from now.”

A muffled, indistinct voice reaches me.

That feels far away.

But the exams aren’t completely over yet, and we both have to study, so a promise of six days from now isn’t strange.

“Got it. And what are you planning to do when it becomes optional attendance?”

I voice the other thing that was bothering me.

Starting in February, third-years can attend school optionally; it’s up to each student whether to go or not. Most students choose not to go. Both Umina and Mariko said they won’t go during optional attendance. I plan not to go either.

I hadn’t asked Miyagi what she would do yet.

“...”

She definitely heard me, but Miyagi, face buried in the pillow, doesn’t move an inch.

“Miyagi, optional attendance isn’t a holiday.”

We have a promise not to meet on school holidays.

But optional attendance can be considered a school day.

“Miyagi.”

When I call her name to urge a reply, a small voice answers, “I’ll call you even if you don’t tell me to.”

---

[T/N- In Japan there are two types of exam 1st happens in January " 大学入学共通テスト" , it's a nation-wide exam to go into the university like chinese Gaokao or Indian JEE/NEET .

AND 2nd is 二次試験 / 個別試験 , it's a in university test for public universities it will be 国公立大学 二次試験 or for private universities 私立大学 入試. That's all I could find out through the web]