Volume 6 Episode 01

On Sunday, I did something with Miyagi that cannot be called roommate-like.

I hadn’t thought it would have no effect at all the next day, so on Monday morning I expected Miyagi wouldn’t be there. I didn’t think she would fail to return that same day, but considering Miyagi’s personality, it wouldn’t have been strange if she chose not to come back.

But I didn’t think she would stay away for three whole days.

“She’ll come back soon, right?”

After letting out a sigh, I pour orange juice into a glass.

I thought that after one day her feelings would settle and she would return looking awkward.

Even though I thought that, on the morning of the fourth day I feel uneasy that Miyagi still hasn’t returned.

That was the result of Miyagi accepting my request, and the relationship between me and Miyagi remains unchanged as roommates, but I can understand that it must have been difficult for Miyagi to face me as a roommate on Monday morning.

Even I didn’t know what kind of face to make when meeting Miyagi.

That’s why we needed time.

But three days is long.

Holding the glass filled with orange juice, I return from the shared space to the room.

I’m not that worried about Miyagi’s whereabouts.

“She’s probably at Utsunomiya’s place, right?”

I sit on the floor, drink about half the orange juice, and set the glass on the table.

Because the only reply I received on Monday to the message I sent Miyagi saying, “Are you at Utsunomiya’s house?” was “No need to worry,” I think this idea isn’t wrong. If it were different, she would probably send at least one complaint like, “It’s not Maika’s house.”

At times like this, I feel relieved that Miyagi has somewhere to go, but I have complicated feelings that the person is Utsunomiya.

It’s not that I think there’s something between her and Utsunomiya.

It’s simply that even though there’s probably nothing, I’m still dissatisfied.

Even so, it’s far better than not knowing whose house Miyagi is staying at and worrying about her location. However, if Miyagi doesn’t come home like this, it seems Utsunomiya will end up becoming Miyagi’s roommate. That would be a problem.

Miyagi has to return to this house soon.

I collapse onto the bed.

I washed the cover and the sheets too.

Even so, it feels as if Miyagi’s scent is still there. I don’t regret what happened on Sunday. But I regret that this room became that place. When I’m on the bed, I can’t help remembering.

Miyagi was here. I touched her, kissed her, and did more than that.

The memories are vivid, and because Miyagi isn’t here, I remember them all the more.

If we ate meals together as usual and spent time as roommates, it seems I could lock the memories inside dreams, but when the person herself is absent, the guilt fades and the fantasies run wild on their own. It really becomes unbearable.

While feeling anxious about Miyagi not returning, I think about Miyagi from Sunday.

I slap my cheek with a smack, then pick up my smartphone.

I sent Miyagi a message a little while ago asking when she would come back, but the smartphone remains silent. Even so, I check the screen anyway.

As expected, there’s no reply.

Because of that, although the lecture is about to start soon, but I have no desire to go to university.

Since Miyagi disappeared, I’ve thought about it several times, but I hesitate over whether to go to her university.

If Miyagi is with Utsunomiya, she shouldn’t be skipping university, so if I go, I might be able to meet her. If I could go to Utsunomiya’s house, it would make things quicker, but I don’t know the location.

If I want to meet Miyagi, I should go to her university.

I know that, yet I continue to hesitate.

I know that going to see the real person is better than being trapped by Miyagi inside my memories, and I want to meet Miyagi. But I don’t know what kind of face to make when meeting her. Probably I think facing her as a roommate is even more difficult for me than for Miyagi.

The reason is very simple, and it’s something I’d prefer not to acknowledge if possible.

Even now, I want to pretend I hadn’t noticed it.

I am surely.

For a very long time.

Have liked Miyagi.

I don’t know when my feelings were breached. Rather than breached it feels more accurate to say they were worn down. Miyagi slowly crept into me, took root without my noticing, and settled there. I pushed those feelings, which had grown until I could no longer drive them out, into a dark and narrow place, covered them with a five-thousand-yen lid, and carefully avoided looking at them.

Even if something stimulated the feelings I had stored away, if I ignored them then it was as good as if they didn’t exist. Even when Miyagi, who hadn’t even been in a friendship with me, became my roommate, that didn’t change. Even when the thing that had been quietly breathing in the corner of my heart began to assert its existence after high school graduation, when the five-thousand-yen cover disappeared, I still carefully avoided looking at it.

Until Sunday came.

By touching Miyagi more than ever before, the feelings I had been hiding and avoiding so carefully easily entered my field of vision and leapt outward.

Sendai Hazuki likes Miyagi Shiori.

Once I became aware of it, I could no longer ignore it.

Even now, I’m thinking only about Miyagi.

Miyagi probably won’t forgive me anymore, but I still want to touch her again, kiss her, and hear the voice that only I know. If I meet Miyagi while feeling this way, I don’t know whether I can interact with her as a roommate. Now that I don’t know how to face the feelings I’ve become aware of, there’s also a part of me that feels relieved she isn’t here. And I hate myself for not going to look for Miyagi, using the feelings I’ve become aware of as an excuse.

Miyagi affects my feelings whether she’s here or not.

I really think she’s a troublesome one.

“...... I wonder if she won’t come back today either.”

If she comes back on her own, it seems I would have no choice but to force my feelings into order and would be able to act like a roommate. But it doesn’t seem she’ll come back on her own.

I raise my body and get down from the bed.

I think I should have asked for Utsunomiya’s contact information before graduating high school. No matter what I say, it would probably be useless, but if Utsunomiya tells her to return, Miyagi should obediently listen. However, since I can’t contact Utsunomiya, if I’m to bring Miyagi back, the only option is to go to her university.

“Normally one would come back at some appropriate point, right.”

I turn around once inside the room and look at my smartphone.

I take a breath and let it out slowly.

I send Miyagi another message asking when she’ll come back, and decide that if there’s no reply by noon, I’ll go to her university.

Today’s schedule is pretty much decided.

Since I don’t think a reply will come from Miyagi, I’ll end up skipping university.

Anyway, even if I go now I won’t make it in time for the lecture, and if time passes in this state the awkwardness when we meet will only grow. I don’t know whether I can find her, but if I’m going to Miyagi’s university, today is the only day.

If I go, even if I can’t meet Miyagi, I might meet Utsunomiya.

On Sunday I touched Miyagi and understood that she had accepted me more than I’d thought. I think she doesn’t hate me. If she hated me, she wouldn’t have allowed such things.

Right now, I have no choice but to think that way.

I place the smartphone that doesn’t ring on the table.

I collapse onto the bed and close my eyes.

As expected, Miyagi floats into my mind and a sigh escapes.

I’ve never skipped university before.

For me, university is something I should attend, not something to skip, so even today I think I should go. However, yesterday the lecture didn’t enter my head either. Today it should enter even less, and there’s no point in going.

Go to a good university, get a job at a good company, and not return to that house.

The future I had envisioned was rewritten by Miyagi.

I had no intention of sharing a room with anyone and no intention of becoming a person who skips university, yet I’m sharing a room with Miyagi and skipping university.

The feelings I noticed are more troublesome than I’d thought. Maybe it would be better to erase them, but I can’t bring myself to drive out Miyagi, who has taken root and settled inside me. I’ll wait for the reply until twelve o’clock.

I’d thought so too, but twelve o’clock slipped past in the blink of an eye, and now it’s nearing two in the afternoon, yet I’m still waiting for a reply from Miyagi.

“At least send something back.”

Lying on my bed, I mutter the same words I’ve repeated countless times since Monday and glare at my smartphone.

I’d decided I would only wait for Miyagi’s reply until twelve, so I know I should be leaving the house soon.

I have my tutoring part-time job today.

Even if I skip university, I can’t skip the part-time job where a student is waiting for me. If I keep waiting aimlessly for a reply like this, it’ll be time for work before I know it, so I really should head out. I understand that, but when I imagine the awkwardness of facing her, I just can’t bring myself to leave.

I don’t have the confidence to talk the way I usually do.

I don’t have the confidence to look at Miyagi’s face the way I usually do.

And if Miyagi notices that I’m acting differently and misunderstands, thinking I regret what we did on Sunday, I won’t be able to bear it. If I tell her I like her just to clear up that misunderstanding, it’ll seem like I’m using the word “like” to justify what happened on Sunday, and my true feelings won’t reach her. Besides, if I say I like her, Miyagi will surely disappear from my life again.

“No good.”

I mutter it to no one in particular and sit up.

Every time I look at my smartphone and see no reply, negative emotions pull at me more strongly than my desire to see Miyagi.

“Miyagi, reply!”

I send her a message, caught between irritation and hope.

But, as expected, my smartphone remains completely still.

Time passes uselessly. Finally, I steel myself and leave the house.

It’s the end of May. There are only a few clouds, the sun is shining, and although summer is still far off, it isn’t too hot yet.

I walk quickly toward the station and board the train. Inside my bag, my smartphone lies silent, as if it’s dead. It doesn’t react, even when the train rattles and sways.

I take it out and check the screen, but as expected, there’s still no reply. Asking when she’ll come back isn’t a difficult question, so she should’ve been able to answer right away.

I turn my gaze to the scenery flowing past outside the window.

When I think about what I’m about to do, I can’t calm down. I want to get off at the next station and go back home. Even as I feel myself drawn toward the opening doors, I step off at the station I’m supposed to and walk forward, my feet heavy as if I’m wearing iron shoes. One step, then another, toward the university where Miyagi should be. I don’t know how many minutes I walk, but after moving forward for a while, the destination finally comes into view, and I stop in my tracks.

“... Come to think of it, I never checked.”

When I chose the room-share house, I checked where the university was located, but I never looked into what it was like inside, so I know nothing about the campus itself. I was thinking only about Miyagi and didn’t bother doing any proper research. I take out my smartphone and search for a campus map.

“I hope I can find Miyagi.”

I knew it before I came, but a place as large and crowded as a university isn’t suited for searching for one person. Even at my own university, it’d be difficult to find someone whose whereabouts I don’t know and whom I can’t contact. I should’ve listened more carefully when she talked about her university.

It’s not like we never talked about it at all, but I never grasped her schedule, so I can’t even guess where Miyagi might be at this hour.

With my smartphone in one hand, I step onto the campus. Even though students from other universities are allowed to enter, I still feel slightly tense.

For the time being, I peer into places where students might gather between lectures, but no matter where I go, no matter how many people I pass, Miyagi isn’t there. In the first place, I don’t even know whether Miyagi came to campus today, so this entire search might be pointless.

After wandering around for nearly an hour, I sink down onto a bench.

It feels like I’m doing something meaningless, and even though I’ve only been walking, I’m strangely exhausted. I check my smartphone again, but there’s still no reply from Miyagi. I want to message her directly and ask where she is, but if she finds out I came all the way to her university, she’d probably run away, so I can’t allow that. Still, I don’t think I’ll find Miyagi even if I keep wandering like this.

“Maybe I should just wait by the front gate.”

Searching for one person in a university is like trying to find a single grain of salt in a pile of sugar. They’re clearly different things, but once they’re mixed together, separating them becomes almost impossible.

The students entering my field of vision look like spilled sugar, and I can’t imagine that Miyagi will be found among them. Even so, in a place where so many people pass through, the chances of finding Miyagi, who’s like a grain of salt and doesn’t reply to messages, should increase.

I stand up and head toward the main gate.

Perhaps because I’ve been walking around, even though there’s wind it feels a little hot.

The sky looks irritatingly blue.

If I were my usual self I’d probably think it’s good weather, but now the bluer it gets, the more that blue pissing me off. I let out a small breath.

After all, I think I should search a little more inside the university and then turn back. As I walk while looking around, thinking Miyagi might be somewhere nearby, a face I’ve seen before comes into view.

"Ah."

A loud voice escapes me without thinking.

The atmosphere has changed, but there’s no mistake.

"Utsunomiya!"

"......Eh, ehh? Sendai-san!?"

I run up to Utsunomiya, who’s walking alone in this direction, and grab her arm.

"What? Why is Sendai-san in a place like this?"

Utsunomiya looks at me with perfectly round eyes.

Just as I thought.

Miyagi hasn’t told Utsunomiya that she’s room-sharing with me.

If she knew, she wouldn’t be this surprised just by seeing me.

Miyagi said she told Utsunomiya that she’s living with me, but I thought she wasn’t telling the truth, so it’s exactly as I imagined.

"I’m searching for Miyagi."

Even though I think it’s bad for Miyagi, I still bring up her name.

"Miyagi, you mean Shiori?"

"Yes, that Miyagi. She isn’t staying at Utsunomiya’s house, is she?"

"......Why is Sendai-san searching for Shiori?"

"You didn’t hear?"

"What do you mean I didn’t hear?"

Utsunomiya, who hasn’t grasped the situation, makes a puzzled face.

Miyagi will definitely get angry.

But we’ve graduated from high school, and there’s no longer any need to hide from Utsunomiya that I have contact with Miyagi. It seemed like Miyagi wanted to hide it, but if I don’t say it the conversation won’t move forward. Even if it becomes troublesome and Miyagi gets in trouble, it’s her own fault. Miyagi, who lied to Utsunomiya, is at fault, and Miyagi, who doesn’t send a reply, is at fault.

"I’m living with Miyagi though. It seems Miyagi hasn’t told Utsunomiya."

I smile and look at Utsunomiya.

"I didn’t hear. ......Living together means living in the same house as Shiori?"

"That’s what it means."

"Really?"

"It’s true."

"Shiori said she’s living with relatives."

Utsunomiya wrinkles her brow. Then, after letting out a sigh, she continues.

"......Somehow it seemed like a lie, or rather her manner was strange, so I thought it wasn’t relatives. I didn’t think the one living together would be Sendai-san though."

"Miyagi said she’s living with relatives?"

"She said."

I think it’s a reasonable lie, but also one that would be exposed soon.

In fact, now that lie has been exposed to Utsunomiya.

"Sendai-san, why are you living with Shiori?"

Utsunomiya asks the most unwanted question in a way that can only be called natural. Considering the relationship between me and Miyagi in high school, I understand why she wants to ask, but it’s hard to answer. Because of that, I’ll end up telling a lie that will be exposed just as quickly, and I can’t say anything about Miyagi.

"Probably because we’re friends."

"I didn’t believe it, but when I asked in high school if you were friends with Shiori, Sendai-san said no, right?"

"Did I say something like that?"

I remember, but if I acknowledge Utsunomiya’s words the conversation will become complicated.

"You said."

"Well, it’s fine. Let’s say we’re friends."

I didn’t have the leeway to think of a suitable reason and couldn’t find anything else that could serve as a reason for living with Miyagi, so I can’t back down here. I put on the biggest smile I can manage and look at Utsunomiya.

"Then what was the trigger for becoming close enough to live together? In our second year, when we were in the same class, Sendai-san and Shiori didn’t look that close."

Utsunomiya asks in a serious voice, and I hesitate over how I should answer. Not only now but even in high school, Miyagi probably didn’t talk to Utsunomiya about us. I don’t think the relationship between Miyagi and Utsunomiya is something that would break over just a few secrets, but if something happens that puts a crack in their relationship, it would be bad for Miyagi.

"I once forgot my wallet at a bookstore, and the time when Miyagi lent me money became the trigger that brought us closer."

"I’m hearing that story for the first time. If you borrow money, do you get close enough to end up living together?"

A lie made entirely of lies is fragile, but a lie that mixes in a little truth gains strength and becomes harder to collapse.

But that only works for small lies, and it doesn’t apply to lies about Miyagi and me, who had no contact at all. It seems Utsunomiya won’t be satisfied with a harmless answer full of holes even if it’s mixed with facts, and she presses for more detailed explanations.

"Yeah. Ask Miyagi about the rest."

Utsunomiya is Miyagi’s friend, and how much to say should be decided by Miyagi. If I talk too much and end up damaging their relationship, that would be a problem. For now, I push the troublesome conversation onto Miyagi and decide to focus on my original purpose.

"So, getting back to the topic, isn’t Miyagi staying at Utsunomiya’s house?"

"The previous topic is fine as something to ask Shiori, and I don’t mind answering Sendai-san’s question, but could you let go of my arm?"

"Ah, sorry."

I release Utsunomiya’s arm that I’d been holding.

I grabbed her without thinking so she couldn’t escape, but when I think about it properly, she isn’t Miyagi. She wouldn’t look at my face and run away.

"If it’s Shiori, then yes, she’s staying at my house, but... The person she fought with is Sendai-san?"

"Fought?"

A sudden word I have no memory of comes out, and I reflexively repeat it.

"Shiori came to my house asking to stay because she fought with the person she lives with."

Utsunomiya speaks as if testing me and fixes her gaze on me.

If you’re going to stay at someone else’s house for several days, you need a reasonable excuse. Still, I can imagine she couldn’t tell Utsunomiya exactly what happened between us. I don’t know how Miyagi explained the cause of the fight to Utsunomiya, but for now I match her story and continue the conversation.

"Well, a little. The cause was something trivial, but it turned into an argument."

"An argument, with Shiori?"

Utsunomiya says it as if she’s genuinely surprised.

It seems the part about "the cause was something trivial" passed without issue, but the word "argument" was apparently a mistake.

"Yes, with Miyagi."

"I couldn’t imagine Shiori fighting, but I can’t imagine her arguing even more. ... What kind of relationship do you two have?"

I thought things had been settled by telling her to ask Miyagi, but I’m faced with yet another troublesome question.

More than that, though, my heart catches on Utsunomiya’s other words.

The Miyagi I know wouldn’t be strange even if she argued with me, but the Miyagi Utsunomiya knows isn’t like that. That means the Miyagi I know and the Miyagi Utsunomiya knows are different Miyagis. I’ve known that for a long time, yet hearing it made so clear by Utsunomiya brings a faint sense of superiority and a faint irritation. A rustling sensation, like the surface of my heart being stroked with bare hands, spreads through my body, and I clench my hands tightly.

"We’re just roommates. More importantly, could you tell Miyagi to come home soon?"

"Shiori is at the university, so I think it’s better to tell her directly. If you wait here, I’ll call her. Or do you want to come with me?"

"I think both are impossible. Miyagi will definitely run away if she sees me. So could you tell Miyagi, from Utsunomiya, to come home?"

"... Is the fight that serious?"

"Well, somewhat."

"Then it’s definitely better to talk face to face."

I think Utsunomiya is kind.

She doesn’t seem to have believed everything I said, yet she still looks concerned about me.

"I can only picture a future where Miyagi runs away."

"Then why not come to my house and talk? Shiori said she’s staying at my place today too."

If it’s Utsunomiya’s house, I think Miyagi won’t be able to run away. But I can’t form any good scenarios in my mind.

If I meet her like this, after exposing Miyagi’s lies, it’ll become terribly troublesome. And I don’t know if I can face Miyagi with the same expression as before.

"I’d like to, but I have a part-time job now. I’m doing tutoring, so I can’t take time off. So I’d appreciate it if Utsunomiya tells Miyagi."

I give a reason that isn’t a lie and decide to have Utsunomiya persuade her.

"Sendai-san does tutoring? That’s a bit different from the image I had."

"Is it? I’m actually pretty good at teaching."

"Then come to my house after your part-time job ends?"

"It’ll be late, though."

"That’s fine."

Utsunomiya answers readily and tells me where she lives. It seems there’s no option not to go. I have nothing but bad premonitions, yet I also think that in front of Utsunomiya, Miyagi won’t act too badly.

"Thanks. Keep it a secret from Miyagi that I’m coming. And just in case, I’ll give you my phone number."

I decide to go to Utsunomiya’s house as soon as my part-time job ends, and we exchange contact information.