Volume 6 Episode 03

 We didn't touch on the events of that Sunday.

It wasn't that we'd made any such promise, but since returning home from Utsunomiya's house on Thursday, neither Miyagi nor I'd mentioned even once the time we spent together that couldn't be called roommate-like. Knowing that if we were to continue living as we had until now, it'd be better not to strangely bring up that topic, we spent Friday and Saturday as well without talking about it.

But today I couldn't help being conscious of it.

It'd been exactly one week since that Sunday.

We were spending the new Sunday in the shared space.

“Want some tea? Should I make some for you too?”

I called out to Miyagi, who was sitting quietly on the other side of the table.

"Hot or Cold?"

"Which one do you want to drink?"

"The cold one."

"Then I'll take out the barley tea."

I stood up, prepared two glasses, and put three ice cubes in each. When I took the barley tea out of the refrigerator and poured it, a refreshing click sound echoed.

"Here."

I placed one of the two glasses in front of Miyagi and sat down in my chair.

"Thanks."

Miyagi said quietly and took a sip of the barley tea.

"Miyagi, aren't you going anywhere today?"

"I already told you yesterday that I'm not going."

A somewhat displeased voice came back.

I knew it was bad to ask multiple times, but because it was different from the behavior I'd imagined from Miyagi, I couldn't help wanting to confirm it again and again.

Since Miyagi had run away right in front of me like that, I'd thought that even after coming home she'd avoid me.

That's why I'd thought that on Sunday Miyagi would make up some suitable excuse like going out with Utsunomiya and wouldn't be at home from the morning. Instead, Miyagi hadn't returned to her room and was staying in the shared space, sitting in front of me without complaining. It wasn't that there was no awkwardness.

Sometimes I became even more unsure than before about what to talk about. Surely it was the same for Miyagi, and since returning from Utsunomiya's house our conversations sometimes cut off unnaturally. Even so, Miyagi didn't run away, and we spent Friday and Saturday as usual. Today as well we ate breakfast together, and we'd finished eating lunch a little while ago.

"By the way, what happened with Utsunomiya?"

Neither on Friday nor Saturday had any mention of Utsunomiya come from Miyagi's mouth.

It wasn't that Miyagi wouldn't meet Utsunomiya at the university, and if they met, Miyagi would talk about us.

If that happened, I thought Miyagi would at least come complain to me with something like, "Because of Sendai-san I went through something terrible," yet nothing had been said.

I hadn't asked because I wondered if there was some event Miyagi didn't want to talk about, but I was curious about how the conclusion of the matter I was involved in had turned out.

"Nothing in particular happened."

Miyagi said it in a tone that made it clear something had happened.

"If nothing happened then that's fine, but how did you explain our situation to Utsunomiya?"

"I said that lending money became the trigger for Sendai-san starting to help me with studies, but that I was embarrassed to say I was being taught so I kept quiet about it. I also said that the reason I didn't mention living together was because if I talked about that I'd have to bring up what happened in high school as well, so I kept quiet."

"You came up with a pretty plausible reason."

"I didn't want to think about it, but I had no choice but to think of something."

"And then what happened?"

There was some embellishment, but the fact that I was teaching Miyagi studies was true. It also served as an explanation for what we were doing after school, and as proof of that, Miyagi's grades had improved as well.

But I felt that, as a reason for keeping silent, it seemed a little weak.

"...Even if you say 'what'..."

"Utsunomiya, did she accept that?"

"...Not really. I think someday I'll have to tell her something more proper. ...But I don't know where to start talking about it."

As I thought Miyagi, who had been the one giving orders with money, would find it harder to talk to people about it than me, the one who'd been on the receiving end.

"Well, but if she accepted it for now, isn't that good?"

It was nothing more than postponing the problem, but for now there was no choice but to take advantage of Utsunomiya's kindness.

"It's not good."

"Why?"

"...Maika said she wants to come over here to play."

From the heaviness of her tone and the content, this was the reason Miyagi hadn't talked to me about Utsunomiya. And it must also have been the reason Utsunomiya chose to accept it even though the explanation was filmsy.

"Why not have her come?"

It was like a condition offered in place of not probing too deeply. If that was to come play here, then she could just come.

"No way. She also said she wants to talk with Sendai-san."

"That's fine. I want to talk with her too."

"...Sendai-san, you want to talk with Maika?"

"She seems like an interesting girl, and we might get along."

During high school I hadn't noticed, but I thought Utsunomiya was the type you could become friends with if you talked to her. Even if she wasn't the type to become friends easily, regarding the fact that she had cooperated with me about Miyagi, I wanted to thank her more properly.

"Become friends?"

Miyagi said in a slightly low voice and stared straight at me. There was no wrinkle between her brows, but her gaze hurt.

"Maybe."

We had been in the same high school and the same class. And considering that she was a friend of my roommate Miyagi, there was no reason not to become friends. The problem was whether Utsunomiya wanted to become friends with me, but since she said she wanted to come play at this house, she must have thought at least a little that it was okay for us to become close.

"Sendai-san."

Miyagi let out a stiff voice.

It wasn't a very good tone.

While thinking that she seemed about to say words I didn't want to hear, I asked back, "What?" and Miyagi said clearly.

"Maika is my friend."

I knew that without her having to say it on purpose.

For Miyagi, Utsunomiya was someone who could be called a best friend.

She didn't like the idea of her friend being taken away.

I could understand that kind of feeling.

I could understand it, but whether I could digest it inside myself was a separate issue.

Right now I felt irritated at the fact that Miyagi thought of her as precious to the point that she didn't want to allow any contact between me and Utsunomiya.

"I won't take her away."

So that the feeling inside me wouldn't reach Miyagi, I made my voice as bright as possible.

I picked up the glass wet with water droplets and drank about half of the barley tea.

The cold liquid passed through my throat and lowered my body temperature.

My wet hands were also cold.

But my head didn't cool down.

The inexplicable feeling I had felt toward Utsunomiya until now.

I had known the name of this feeling, but I'd been pretending not to know it all along.

I was jealous of Utsunomiya Maika.

I hadn't wanted to realize that I was jealous of the person who was closest to Miyagi and the person Miyagi met most often. Because I knew that Utsunomiya was a good person, the fact that this feeling would continue to haunt me from now on made my heart heavy.

Because I'd become aware that I liked Miyagi, the things I'd been pretending not to notice until now were appearing right in front of my eyes.

I let out a small breath.

It was natural to think of a friend as precious.

I tried to convince myself, but my stirred heart didn't calm down.

After letting out another breath and looking at Miyagi, our eyes met as if it were the most natural thing in the world.  Since the day we came back home together, I’d felt that Miyagi had started looking at me more often.

"Sendai-san, I want barley tea."

When Miyagi muttered that, I looked at the glass and saw that at some point only ice remained. I stood up, opened the refrigerator, took out the plastic bottle, went to Miyagi’s side, and poured barley tea into the emptied glass.

We were forcing ourselves a little.

At times like this, the usual Miyagi would've already gone back to the room, yet today she stayed seated without standing up and remained with me.

I also wanted to touch Miyagi far more than something like a plastic bottle, but I didn’t let myself.

I returned the plastic bottle to the refrigerator.

I didn’t know what to do.

We were supposed to have become in a deeper relationship than before, yet we remained roommates. It was I who’d decided to keep the word roommate if Miyagi needed it, and while I felt relieved to maintain the unchanged relationship by forcing ourselves, I also felt frustration.

My feelings remained scattered, and it wasn’t clear what I myself wanted to do. Even if I tried to organize them, I didn’t know where to start. Still, the only thing that was clear was the feeling that I was happy Miyagi was staying with me.

The daily life that was gradually returning to normal was precious, and I didn’t want to break it.

There was no mistake about that, but even as roommates I thought I wanted to get a little closer to Miyagi.

I sat down in my chair and drank the barley tea. Then I searched for words to connect the interrupted conversation.

We’d never had topics that got us excited even long ago, but now that we had fewer things in common, there were even fewer topics. Different universities and different friends.

Unknown time.

The interrupted conversation remained interrupted, and the barley tea that didn’t decrease and the glass covered with water droplets came into view.

Miyagi, who hadn’t drunk the second cup of barley tea she’d said she wanted, said nothing.

We were spending a Sunday that was the same as always yet somehow different.

"Right, the piercing. When are we going to buy it?"

It wasn’t a very good topic, but I brought up something I should talk about with Miyagi.

I was concerned about Utsunomiya, but I wanted to steer my feelings in a slightly different direction, even if only a little, and if I kept thinking about the timing of the promise that had been left hanging since Thursday, it would become something I could never talk about.

"I haven’t decided yet."

Miyagi said that while wiping the water droplets on the glass with her fingertip.

"I see."

"Anytime’s fine, right?"

"It’s fine. Miyagi, do you have a piercing you want?"

"Aren’t you the one choosing, Sendai-san?"

"I plan to choose, but I thought I should at least ask the person’s wishes."

The piercing was something that reminded me of the promise with Miyagi, and it was special to me.

It looked like a mark that Miyagi was mine because I’d pierced it and put it on, and even if it was no longer the one I’d put on at that time, I wanted it to hold special meaning for me.

That was why I wanted to buy it not with money from my parents’ wallet, but with my own part-time job earnings.

"...I don’t have anything in particular, so do as you like, Sendai-san."

The curt words returned were exactly as I’d imagined, but I had no intention of following them.

Miyagi wasn’t the type to seriously want something so expensive that I couldn’t buy it with my part-time job pay, but even if she said something like that, I wanted to put a piercing I’d bought on Miyagi’s ear so badly that I wanted to give it to her, so if there was a piercing she wanted, I wanted to know in advance.

If I said I’d use my part-time job money, she’d definitely say I didn’t have to buy it, so I had no intention of telling her that.

"Then show me some piercings."

"Why do I have to show you?"

"I thought I’d use them as reference when choosing."

Even today Miyagi’s piercing was hidden by her hair and couldn’t be seen. I knew what kind of piercing she was wearing, but I still wanted to see it.

"I’ll show you when we go to buy it."

I hadn’t been expecting a good reply, but it was far too boring of an answer.

After hesitating for a moment, I stood up and gently reached my hand toward Miyagi.

However, before my hand could touch her hair, Miyagi pulled her body away. The legs of the chair rattled loudly, and I stopped my hand before touching her. My hand, having lost its place, landed on the table, and I pressed it down with my other hand.

If it had been Utsunomiya, she would probably have shown her the piercing easily.

While that thought bothered me, the feeling that had been smoldering inside my heart grew stronger.

I wanted to touch Miyagi.

The me from just a short while ago would’ve already touched Miyagi, brushed her hair behind her ear, and looked at the piercing. But the memory from last week was far too vivid, and hesitation rose inside me. And Miyagi also reacted in a way that seemed excessive.

"There’s no need to be so surprised."

I said it lightly and smiled.

I didn’t want to make the seemingly calm atmosphere heavy.

But if things stayed like this, I felt like I’d never be able to touch Miyagi again.

"I wasn’t thinking of doing anything weird."

I conveyed my proper intention and slowly reached out my hand.

Miyagi didn’t run away.

I touched her hair.

My hand, carrying the intention to touch her, felt her for the first time in a week. I’d grabbed Miyagi’s arm at Utsunomiya’s house, but at that time there had only been the feeling of wanting to take her home.

Even though I’d touched only a part of Miyagi, my heartbeat grew so loud that it felt like she might hear it.

I was surprised at myself for getting tense over something so trivial. I combed through her soft hair and tucked it behind her ear. After stroking the piercing and feeling the hardness of the silver one, I ran my finger along her earlobe.

Miyagi started to grab my hand but stopped.

Our eyes met, but she didn’t complain.

The fact that the hand that should’ve been grabbed wasn’t grabbed, and that I wasn’t refused with an irritated voice, made the act of touching, which I’d repeated many times before, feel like it now held a different meaning.

Taking advantage of the fact that Miyagi didn’t resist, my hand grew bolder.

I slid the hand that had been touching her earlobe down to her neck.

I pressed my fingers firmly against her throat and slid them downward. The smooth skin felt good just from touching it, and the memory from last week came back. When I recalled Miyagi’s voice from that time, my chest tightened, and Utsunomiya, who had been lingering in my head, disappeared.

Slowly, I touched her collarbone.

When I stroked above the bone, Miyagi’s body trembled slightly and my hand was finally caught.

"Don’t touch anywhere other than my ear."

She gripped my arm tightly.

"I know."

I let my hand be pulled away by Miyagi.

I obediently sat back in my chair and looked at Miyagi.

She didn’t stand up, nor did she glare at me.

My heartbeat was clearly faster.

It was a small thing, but it was different from usual.

We were changing little by little, like the sky changing color from night to morning. But there was also a feeling inside me that wanted the change to be dramatic enough to overtake that.

If nothing changed even after something like that happened, there would be no trigger for change anywhere. However, if things stayed the same, Miyagi would remain here as a roommate during our university years. If I tried to change things by force, Miyagi might run away again and never come back.

I wanted to change it, and I didn’t want to change it.

When I thought about what would happen after I changed it, I found myself unable to move.

"I’m going back to my room soon."

Before my feelings could settle, Miyagi said that in an unsociable voice.

"Wait."

"I won’t wait."

"Why?"

"Sendai-san, you seem like you’re about to do something weird."

Miyagi stood up.

Before she could return to her room, I grabbed her arm.

"What kind of weird thing?"

"You put your hand on your own chest and think about it."

If it were about putting my hand on Miyagi’s chest, then I wouldn’t mind thinking about it carefully.

While thinking about such a stupid thing, a displeased voice reached me.

"Sendai-san, let go."

I released Miyagi's arm and grabbed her hand instead.

"That isn't what I meant."

I understood, but I didn't want to let Miyagi go back to her room like this.

My feelings and Miyagi's feelings didn't overlap.

Even so, the reason we could still stay together was thanks to the word "roommate" that I'd left behind on Sunday. It was a constricting word for me, and something I wanted to get rid of someday, but I hesitated to throw it away right now. Still, I thought I wanted to return to a relationship where we could do the things we'd been doing until now. To put it plainly, I at least wanted to kiss. But doing that now required as much courage as calling out to a stranger.

After thinking for a bit, I chose one action from among several that the current Miyagi might allow and pressed my lips to her fingertip.

She jerked, and Miyagi's hand stiffened.

I slowly pulled my lips away.

"Miyagi, is this weird?"

There was no reply, but she didn't run away either.

Feeling relieved that Miyagi was still right in front of me, I kissed the top of the second joint. The finger moved slightly.

When I pressed my lips hard enough that I felt the hardness of the bone more than the softness of the skin, Miyagi said "Sendai-san" in a voice harder than bone.

It'd be better not to do anything more than this.

Even if it wasn't on the lips, I should be satisfied with having kissed and end it there.

That was what I thought, but I couldn't stop myself and ran my tongue over the finger. Then Miyagi touched my hair.

The hand that would normally grab or pull my hair didn't move. I carefully pressed my lips to the back of her hand.

I'd done this many times in the past when commanded by Miyagi.

It wasn't a big deal for us.

I pulled my lips away once and pressed them again.

When I licked the smooth skin with the tip of my tongue, Miyagi tried to pull her arm back.

She'd commanded me countless times and made me do this over and over, yet today she wanted to say it was no good? I didn't want to let her. I gripped her hand tightly and gently bit the fingertip.

No sound came out.

I thought that, like last Sunday, she should at least let out a small voice.

I sank my teeth into the skin as if biting in and pressed the tip of my tongue against the pad of the finger. When I lightly sucked the finger as if drinking blood overflowing from a wound, Miyagi kicked my leg.

"That's enough already."

I heard a low voice and released the finger.

When I looked up, I saw Miyagi with wrinkles between her brows.

"You really are doing something weird. Sendai-san, you immediately do erotic things."

"Do you think what I just did is erotic?"

"Is it wrong to think so?"

"But it's something Miyagi commanded me to do many times and made me do."

It wasn't only that I did it because I was commanded, there were also times when Miyagi did similar things from her side. I hadn't expected Miyagi to call the things we'd done so many times until now "erotic" in a situation like today.

I'd heard such words several times in the past, but hearing them on a day like today made it sound as if Miyagi was also connecting last Sunday with what I was doing now, just like I had.

"It's kind of annoying."

Miyagi made a displeased sound and stepped on the tip of my foot.

Because the force was concentrated on one point, it hurt quite a bit.

"Should I stop doing it?"

I asked while pulling my stepped-on foot out from under hers.

"If you properly reflect on it, that's fine."

Saying that, Miyagi went back to her room without looking at me.