Volume 7 Episode 03

I froze.

Miyagi's question had caught me completely off guard.

I never imagined she'd suddenly bring up the subject of the person I liked at a moment like this.

Trying to steady the heart that had nearly stopped beating, I took slow, measured breaths as we walked.

I hadn't wanted to lie, so admitting that there was someone I liked might've been a mistake. I'd thought I'd managed to keep my expression as calm as ever, but Miyagi didn't seem convinced by my answer. I could feel her gaze pressing into my back. If I turned around, she might ask something else, so instead I pointed a little farther ahead.

"Miyagi, it says there's a jellyfish exhibit."

I didn't want the conversation about the person I liked to go any further. Right now, I wanted her attention on the tanks rather than on me.

We made our way to the exhibit where countless jellyfish drifted through the dimly lit water, glowing with an almost ethereal light.

There were far more jellyfish than I'd expected, floating with slow, graceful movements. The blue-lit room and the water inside the tank seemed to blur together in the dreamlike atmosphere. For a moment, it almost felt as though I were floating with them.

"Jellyfish can hurt if they sting you, but when you look at them like this... they're beautiful. Kind of soothing."

As I spoke while watching them drift, Miyagi stepped up beside me and answered quietly,

"Yeah. I could watch them forever."

When I shifted my eyes from the tank to the person standing beside me, Miyagi was gazing intently at the jellyfish as they drifted through the water.

Just a little while ago...

If, instead of saying Mike-chan was my favorite, I'd said, "It's you, Miyagi..."

If I told her now, "That's who I was talking about..."

There was no way I could actually say it. I didn't want to lose what we already had.

Still, I couldn't stop imagining it.

If I confessed that I liked her, would Miyagi tell me she felt the same?

I knew she didn't dislike me. I could tell she cared about me in some way. But I had no idea what shape those feelings took.

I wished they were the same as mine.

What we were doing could easily be called dating. Most of the time, that alone was enough to make me happy. But every now and then, I found myself wanting Miyagi's heart as well. Even so, I didn't have the courage to speak the words that might cost me everything I had now just for the chance of gaining that heart.

No matter how many times I turned it over in my mind, I always reached the same conclusion.

Maybe things would change someday.

But for now, I wanted to keep watching her while holding on to these quiet, happy feelings.

"Miyagi. The seals are upstairs. Are you still watching the jellyfish?"

I forced brightness into my voice, as though I could simply switch away everything I'd been feeling.

"Let's go."

The cheerful reply came from beside me, and I found myself thinking that coming to the aquarium had been the right choice after all.

The platypus tissue cover and the crocodile tucked away in the corners of our shared memories had made me think about suggesting the zoo. But I was hopeless in the summer heat, so that had never really been an option. Besides, when I'd looked into it, there wasn't anywhere in Japan where you could actually see a platypus, and I wasn't especially interested in going out of my way just to see crocodiles. In the end, I'd settled on the aquarium because of the connection to creatures that lived in water.

It had probably been the right decision.

...It had felt far too much like asking her out on a date, so I'd struggled to bring it up and ended up bringing her here without telling her where we were going.

"It kind of feels like a jungle. Are there really seals here?"

Miyagi murmured as we climbed the stairs.

The area had been designed to resemble the tropics, and it certainly didn't look like a place where seals would be. I pulled the pamphlet from my bag and checked the map.

"Looks like they're a little farther in. Want to go see the seals first?"

"Nah. Let's just look around in order."

We wandered at an easy pace, stopping to admire fish large and small. There were turtles and iguanas too, which made the walk even more interesting. By the time we finally reached the seals we'd been looking for, Miyagi's expression had visibly brightened. She wasn't the type to make a scene, but when one of the seals swam toward the glass, she leaned in so close she looked as though she might bump her forehead against it.

Apparently, she liked mammals more than fish.

I hardly ever got to see Miyagi enjoying herself this openly, so before long I found myself watching her more than the seals.

The rooftop had sea lions and oriental small-clawed otters.

Maybe she'd look even happier there.

Just imagining it made my chest tighten with anticipation.

Careful not to let her notice, I watched Miyagi as she watched the seals. I wished it could've been just the two of us, but the aquarium was packed with families enjoying their summer vacation.

I'd like us to come back again someday, when it wasn't so crowded.

As I was thinking that, Miyagi turned to me.

"Sendai-san, aren't you hungry?"

At the sound of her voice, I lightly pressed a hand against my stomach.

It wasn't growling or anything obvious, but I was definitely a long way from being full.

Come to think of it, quite a while had passed since breakfast.

"...Yeah, I am."

I'd been having so much fun spending time with Miyagi that I hadn't even noticed I'd gotten hungry. When I checked my phone, lunchtime had already come and gone.

Reluctantly saying goodbye to the seals, we decided it was time to eat.

"There's a café on the rooftop. Want to grab something there?"

"Yeah."

Her answer came from beside me.

We kept walking, passing clownfish hiding among sea anemones and displays of freshwater fish before making our way onto the rooftop. Deciding to save the sea lions and oriental small-clawed otters for afterward, we went into the café and ordered a hot dog and an iced tea each, along with a single pancake to share.

Without meaning to, our "Thanks for the food" overlapped.

Then we both bit into our hot dogs.

We'd been hungrier than we'd realized, and before long both mine and Miyagi's had disappeared. Miyagi took a sip of her iced tea before staring at the pancake that was apparently exclusive to this café.

"This is cute."

She wasn't exactly talkative, but she was speaking more than usual today. Her voice was soft as she looked at it.

She had a point.

The pancake had an adorable otter's face drawn on it.

Unfortunately, if we were going to eat it, the otter had to be sacrificed.

"I'm going to cut it, okay?"

When I asked, Miyagi replied, "Sure."

I sank the knife straight through the otter's face and sliced it neatly in half.

I heard Miyagi let out a small "Ah," but ignored it and continued cutting the pieces into bite-sized portions.

"Sendai-san, you really cut it up without a shred of mercy."

Miyagi sighed before picking up one of the pieces I'd cut and taking a bite.

"It was always going to end up eaten, whether we pitied it or not. If you feel that sorry for it, Miyagi, are you going to stop eating?"

"...I'll eat."

"Good. Since we're here, want me to feed you?"

"I'll feed myself."

"Too bad."

Once we'd finished the pancake as well, we left the café.

Unlike the cool interior of the aquarium, the rooftop was sweltering.

Even so, Miyagi was brimming with energy.

She walked a few steps ahead of me with an unusually light stride.

I looked at the sea lions, then at Miyagi. I looked at the oriental small-clawed otters, then at Miyagi again. She wasn't making a fuss, but she looked just as delighted as she had while watching the seals.

Watching Miyagi enjoy herself made me happy too.

Then an unwelcome thought crept into my mind.

If Miyagi had come to the aquarium with Utsunomiya instead, would she be even more animated than she was with me? Would she point excitedly and say things like, "The seal came over here," or, "The sea lions are rolling around, they're so cute," before dashing off with a cheerful, "Let's go over there!" and then, "Now let's check this out!"

I let out a quiet breath and pressed my fingers firmly against my temple.

Thinking about things like that would only drag me down.

I forced Utsunomiya out of my thoughts.

Miyagi seemed to like the oriental small-clawed otters even more than the seals or the sea lions. She refused to budge from where she stood.

"Don't oriental small-clawed otters look a little like platypuses?"

I asked while watching two otters sleeping, curled up snugly against each other.

"They don't look alike at all."

"Really?"

"If oriental small-clawed otters and platypuses look similar to you, you should go see an ophthalmologist."

After delivering that thoroughly rude remark, Miyagi started walking again.

As we followed the designated path together, her voice rose louder than usual.

"Sendai-san, there are so many penguins!"

She pointed toward an enclosure designed to resemble open grassland.

Sure enough, there were penguins everywhere.

"If we go a little farther, you can apparently see them from underneath."

I told her what I'd read before we came here.

"From underneath?"

"Yeah. They swim right over your head."

"I want to see. Where?"

After checking the pamphlet, I pointed in the right direction.

"Let's go."

The moment she said it, she grabbed my arm and tugged me forward.

We weren't holding hands.

Still, I let her pull me along.

Miyagi walked briskly ahead, her skirt fluttering with each step.

Before long, the penguins swimming across the sky came into view.

Of course, they weren't really flying through the sky. The aquarium had built an overhanging tank, and when you stood beneath it, you could look up and watch the penguins gliding through the water overhead.

"Amazing. It really looks like the penguins are flying."

Miyagi released my arm and looked up at the tank as she spoke.

Standing out on the rooftop beneath the open sky, it truly did look as though the penguins were soaring overhead.

But I couldn't take my eyes off Miyagi.

Because something hundreds of times rarer than flying penguins was right in front of me.

She was smiling.

Miyagi was smiling.

She looked so genuinely, unmistakably happy.

Back in high school, I'd seen Miyagi smile at school. I'd seen her smile when Utsunomiya came over to visit.

But when it was just the two of us, she never smiled.

If anything, she usually looked annoyed.

And yet here she was, smiling in front of me.

The penguins disappeared completely from my sight.

I wanted to spend forever looking at Miyagi instead.

It was a shame that the smile wasn't meant for me.

Even so, I was happy that I'd been able to see her smile while we were together.

"Do you like penguins?"

I asked as she continued gazing up at the tank.

"It's not that I especially like them... they're just cute."

Her lively reply sounded exactly like someone who liked penguins very much.

She kept smiling as she watched them drift across the sky, completely unaware of the smile on her own face.

"Miyagi."

"What?"

"Really cute."

"The penguins?"

She didn't even lower her gaze from the tank.

"Yeah."

The penguins were cute.

But Miyagi was far cuter.

I wanted to tell her that.

But if I did, her smile might disappear.

So I swallowed the words.

Against the bright blue sky, the penguins' white bellies glided overhead again and again.

I pretended to watch them while secretly watching Miyagi.

The Miyagi who showed me smiles she'd never shown me at home seemed to shimmer in the sunlight.

Outside had grown even hotter than before.

Even so.

Forever.

Forever, if only for as long as possible.

I wanted to keep looking at Miyagi.

Sweat trickled down my face.

Miyagi said something in her cheerful voice.

I answered without taking my eyes off her, though I pretended I was watching the penguins.

Her eyes remained fixed on the penguins.

Mine never left her.

Even if the penguins had stolen every one of her smiles, I wished this moment could last just a little longer.

Time that made me long for eternity lasted only an instant.

It vanished in the blink of an eye.

The sky remained blue.

The penguins continued swimming overhead.

But time always had an end, and eventually we left the penguin exhibit behind.

Even so, the enjoyable afternoon wasn't over.

The sky-flying penguins marked the final stop along the aquarium's route, but Miyagi seemed to have fallen in love with the rooftop exhibits. Smiling, she suggested we go around the area one more time, so we walked the same route again.

I might actually die today.

Her smile belonged to the penguins, not to me.

Still, she was happier than I'd ever seen her.

I didn't think an aquarium was the kind of place where people circled back to see the same exhibits again and again.

But if Miyagi was this happy...

I thought I wouldn't mind walking the same path beside her for the rest of my life.

Even if I got sunburned.

Even if sweat streamed down my forehead.

I didn't care.

We greeted the sea lions and the oriental small-clawed otters once more before returning to the penguins.

"Miyagi, it looks like the sea lion show's about to start. Want to watch it?"

I called out to her, but she still hadn't taken her eyes off the penguins.

"We don't have to. Sendai-san, is there anywhere else you want to see again?"

"Not really."

The only thing I wanted to keep looking at was Miyagi.

If she didn't want to watch the sea lion show, then neither did I.

If she said there was nothing left to see at the aquarium, then there was nothing left for me either.

"Then let's head home."

Finally pulling her gaze away from the penguins, Miyagi answered in her usual matter-of-fact tone.

"We're leaving already? Want to stop somewhere on the way?"

I still wasn't ready to go home.

It wasn't that there was somewhere in particular I wanted to visit.

I simply wanted to keep watching Miyagi while she looked this happy until the sun went down.

If possible, even after night had fallen.

But Miyagi replied shortly,

"We don't need to stop anywhere."

"Okay. Then let's head home. Are you sure you don't want a penguin plush?"

When I asked, thinking of how much she'd seemed to love the penguins, Miyagi looked at me in confusion.

"Sendai-san, do you want a penguin plush?"

"I don't need one. I just thought you seemed to like the penguins, so..."

"I don't need one. I already have stuffed animals."

“Miyagi, you have a penguin plush?”

That was news to me.

There hadn't been anything like that in her room back when we were in high school. A stuffed animal wasn't exactly the kind of thing you'd hide away, so if Miyagi owned a penguin plush, she'd have bought it after starting university.

There was nothing wrong with her buying a stuffed animal.

But if someone else had given it to her, I'd hate that.

And if she was keeping a stuffed animal someone had given her on display in her room, I'd hate it even more.

A drop of black ink fell into the depths of my heart and spread outward, staining everything in its path. Just as that darkness began to seep onto the surface, Miyagi's exasperated voice reached me.

“Not a penguin, a cat. You gave it to me for Christmas, Sendai-san. Did you forget?”

The moment she said that, the darkness flooding my heart vanished without a trace.

The black cat plush that vaguely resembled Miyagi.

There was no way I'd forget something I'd given her myself. I remembered clearly that when I handed it over, she hadn't looked particularly pleased about it either.

“I remember. ……So you brought it with you when you moved?”

Back in high school, the black cat had lived on the bookshelf in Miyagi's room. But I'd never been inside her room since she moved, so I had no idea what had become of it. If it was still sitting on that bookshelf the way it always had, I'd be happy, even if it wasn't simply because I was the one who'd given it to her.

“I brought it. That's why I don't need another stuffed animal.”

A crease formed between Miyagi's brows. She'd been in such a good mood only moments earlier.

Suppressing the sudden urge to wrap my arms around her, I simply replied, “I see.”

Apparently the black cat plush I'd given her was still cherished by the cat-like Miyagi. No, considering she was saying she didn't need a penguin because she already had that one, it was probably fair to say she treasured it quite a lot.

The thought that it ranked even higher than the penguins that had completely stolen Miyagi's heart made me wish, just for a moment, that I could become that black cat plush myself.

But if I became the black cat plush, I wouldn't be able to come to the aquarium with Miyagi or kiss her, so it wasn't enough to make me want to stop being human.

“Let's just head home. How about we grab something to eat on the way? I really don't feel like cooking dinner today. Though if you're willing to make mine too, Miyagi, I'd be fine with that.”

I didn't mind respecting her wish not to stop anywhere, but I still wanted to take it easy.

“I don't feel like cooking today either.”

Since we were in complete agreement, we started walking.

“Miyagi, what do you want to eat?”

“We had bread earlier, so maybe bentos.”

“Okay.”

I'd wanted to stay there forever, but hearing something that made me so happy was enough to lighten every step as we left the aquarium behind. The crease between Miyagi's brows had disappeared too.

We made our way toward the station at an unhurried pace.

Normally, Miyagi and I didn't have many shared interests that could keep a conversation going, but today was different. We never seemed to run out of things to talk about.

“I wonder what the difference is between seals and sea lions.”

I asked while picturing the two animals. I could tell them apart, but I couldn't explain how.

“The way they look, maybe?”

“Well, yeah, they obviously look different. But isn't there some proper distinction?”

“Don't ask me. I have no idea. Why don't you just look it up when we get home, Sendai-san?”

“Maybe I will.”

It wasn't exactly a meaningful conversation, but it was fun simply because Miyagi was talking so much.

As we drifted through that aimless conversation that didn't feel aimless to me at all, our pace slowed without either of us noticing. The conversation faded naturally, and the sounds of the city around us became clearer.

“……Sendai-san, do you go to aquariums often?”

Miyagi spoke without looking at me.

“Just a few times with my family when I was little. Not after I got older. What about you, Miyagi?”

“Same. Just once when I was a kid. ……We didn't really go out together as a family.”

“I see.”

“Dad was always busy and hardly ever home.”

Miyagi rarely talked about her family. 

Her eyes never turned toward me.

She kept looking straight ahead.

I hesitated over the question that had surfaced in my mind.

Normally she wouldn't answer.

But today, I thought she just might.

“……What about your mom?”

After Miyagi decided we'd live together, her parents had come to my house to greet us. But only her father had come. Her mother hadn't been there. Miyagi would occasionally mention her father, but never her mother.

“She isn't around.”

The answer I'd expected reached me.

Part of me thought it was something I shouldn't have asked.

But another part wanted to know more.

Miyagi still wouldn't look at me.

She kept her gaze fixed ahead, as though she'd made a rule never to look anywhere else.

I didn't want today's memories to become painful ones for her.

I wanted her to take home only the happy memories.

For both of us, today deserved to end as a good day.

“I see.”

I answered quietly and searched for something else to say.

Quite a few people were walking toward the station. It wasn't the sort of place for a serious conversation. Voices rose and overlapped all around us until they blurred into meaningless background noise.

I drew a slow breath.

Unable to think of anything better suited to preserving the day's happiness, I chose to tell her something about myself that she didn't know.

“You probably already know this, Miyagi, but my family's never really gotten along. ……Still, when I was little, things were different. They used to take me to aquariums, zoos, and places like that.”

To be precise, it was more that I was the only one who didn't get along with the rest of my family while everyone else seemed perfectly happy. But explaining that properly would take far more words than I wanted to say. So instead, I shared only as much of myself as she had shared with me. Then Miyagi, who'd been staring straight ahead the whole time, finally looked at me.

“You have an older sister, right?”

“Yeah.”

“……You don't get along?”

“Not particularly.”

I'd always kept my distance from my sister, who's two years older than me.

It wasn't the kind of strained relationship where we argued or fought. We simply hadn't had a real conversation in years. Even though she'd also left home to attend university and lived neither especially close nor especially far away, I'd never reached out to her.

She'd sent me a single message during spring break.

That was all.

The distance between us had shrunk physically, but nothing else had changed.

“Sendai-san.”

We reached the station, passed through the ticket gates, and Miyagi called my name in a quiet voice.

“What?”

“……Thanks for today. The aquarium was fun.”

The words slipped from Miyagi's lips and reached me with perfect clarity.

But my mind refused to process them.

I couldn't manage a single reply.

“Sendai-san?”

“Ah, sorry. I just never imagined you'd actually say you had fun.”

I'd watched her enjoying herself at the aquarium.

She'd smiled.

She'd talked more than usual.

I'd hoped we'd both end the day feeling happy, but I'd never expected Miyagi to go out of her way to tell me she'd had fun. Hearing her say those words felt as though spring had arrived immediately after summer.

“Sendai-san, what do you take me for? Of course I'd say it was fun.”

“Then from now on, whenever you have fun, tell me like you just did.”

“Why do you want to know something like that?”

“Because I want to know what kinds of things make you happy, Miyagi.”

If I could learn even the smallest things that Miyagi found enjoyable, maybe I could make her smile again the way I had today.

“……If something fun happens and I haven’t forgotten, I’ll tell you.”

“That’s fine.”

Miyagi’s answer had been uncertain, but for now I decided that was okay. The fact that she hadn’t immediately refused was already progress.

“Want to hold hands?”

I said something I knew full well Miyagi would never agree to, and nudged my elbow against her arm as she sat beside me.

“No.”

The reply that came back didn’t betray my expectations.

If we’d been at home, she probably would have kicked my leg.

But, well, that was just like Miyagi.

Still, I at least wanted her to look my way, so I nudged her elbow again. A small voice reached my ears.

“……When are we going to the zoo?”

I almost said “Huh?” but swallowed the word with a gulp.

If I said anything unnecessary and she told me to forget about it, that would be a problem.

“Winter’s cold, so maybe autumn or something?”

“I’ll remember.”

Miyagi answered briefly.

Summer vacation still wasn’t over.

I wanted to do more and more fun things with Miyagi, but at the same time I found myself wishing autumn would come sooner.

✧✧✧✧✧

“Did you figure out the difference between seals and sea lions?”

Miyagi’s voice reached me, and I answered while looking at the tablet.

“Hmm, things like the way they swim, or whether they have external ear flaps or not. Something like that, I guess.”

After finishing dinner with the bento we’d bought on the way back from the aquarium, Miyagi had come to my room as a matter of course and had been sitting beside me the whole time.

“External ear flaps?”

When I looked up from the tablet at Miyagi, who had voiced the question, our eyes met. She had been looking at the aquarium pamphlet.

“It seems to mean the part that sticks out on the outside of the ear.”

I reached out and traced the outline of Miyagi’s ear, then tugged gently on her earlobe. The hardness of her piercing came through clearly against my thumb, and I let go. Instead I tried to bring my lips to her earlobe, but Miyagi called me in a slightly lower voice—“Sendai-san”—and continued.

“Which one has external ear flaps, seals or sea lions?”

“Sea lions. It says they have something like earlobes here.”

I handed the tablet to Miyagi and kissed her earlobe.

“My earlobe has nothing to do with this right now.”

Along with her curt voice, Miyagi pushed my shoulder.

“Even if you say that, there aren’t any sea lions here.”

“Does that mean if there 'were' a sea lion, you’d kiss its ear?”

“I think sea lions are cute, but not enough to kiss them. More importantly, don’t you need to check the difference between seals and sea lions?”

When I pointed at the tablet I’d given her, she said “I’ll look” in a sulky tone and dropped her gaze to the screen.

“Miyagi, let’s go to the aquarium again to check the difference between seals and sea lions.”

“Weren’t we going to the zoo?”

Miyagi said, still looking at the tablet.

“We’ll go to the zoo too, but we can go to the aquarium as well, right? Don’t you want to see a sea lion’s ears?”

“I do, but don’t they have sea lions at the zoo too?”

“Then it’s fine. We’ll just go to both.”

“……Is that okay with you, Sendai-san? It’s not like you like fish so much that you want to keep going to the aquarium over and over, right?”

With that, Miyagi lifted her face from the tablet displaying a sea lion’s external ear flap and looked at me.

Apparently she was taking my likes and dislikes into consideration, which felt rare.

Miyagi had been unusually tolerant ever since summer vacation started, but today an almost frightening honesty and kindness had been added on top of that. Even though more than half of summer vacation still remained, it felt as if all the best parts of summer had been gathered into today, and somehow I felt a little wasteful about it.

If I made today the climax of summer vacation, the remaining days might end up feeling bland, so I wanted to spread the good things out a little thinner and make the happiness last longer. That kind of thought crossed my mind, but maybe it meant I wasn’t expecting enough from all the days still to come. So, believing there would still be even better things ahead, I answered Miyagi.

“Today at the aquarium was fun, and I want to go again. You said you had fun today too, didn’t you, Miyagi?”

The aquarium had become an important place to me. Miyagi looked like she was enjoying herself there, and the penguins she liked were cute. I wanted to go as many times as I could. So if Miyagi felt the same way and wanted to visit the aquarium over and over just like me, that would make me happy.

“……That’s true, but.”

“Then let’s go to the aquarium again. Before or after the zoo, either’s fine.”

“Okay, that’s fine.”

Miyagi didn’t clearly say she would go.

But when she gave an answer that showed she had accepted my words, she set the tablet down on the table.

“Sendai-san.”

Miyagi looked at me and spoke in a small voice.

“What?”

I asked back and waited for her next words.

Time flowed slowly.

Her voice didn’t come.

“Miyagi?”

No matter how long I waited, she said nothing. At the sound of my voice she lowered her gaze as if hesitating.

“What’s wrong?”

When I asked, unable to understand, Miyagi grabbed my arm. And without answering my question, she pressed her lips to mine.

I didn’t dislike kissing.

Kisses I initiated and kisses Miyagi gave me were equally pleasant.

But I hadn’t expected Miyagi to kiss me here and now, so while our lips were touching I found myself thinking about what this kiss meant.

A thank-you for the aquarium.

Was it that kind of kiss?

Just as I arrived at an answer, our lips parted.

Our eyes met.

Before she could say anything I closed my eyes, and she kissed me again.

I really did feel like I’d taken the best parts of summer vacation ahead of schedule.

Today was almost too perfect.

The second kiss ended before I could figure out its meaning, and Miyagi gripped my arm tightly.

When I looked at her carefully, her cheeks were a little red.

“Miyagi.”

Wanting to say something, I called her name, but I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say.

The hand that had been gripping my arm slipped free and touched my shoulder. She put a little weight into it, and I let her push me down without resisting.

Looking up at Miyagi from the cold floor, our eyes met.

I stroked her faintly flushed cheek.

“Close your eyes.”

Miyagi said quietly, still meeting my gaze.

“I don’t want to.”

I was sure she wanted to kiss me, but closing my eyes would be a waste.

A Miyagi who had pushed me down, whose cheeks were colored, and who wanted to kiss me—I might never see her like this again, so I wanted to keep looking at her.

But Miyagi wouldn't even grant me that small wish.

Even though she'd been the one to push me onto the floor, she immediately tried to sit back up. Before she could, I caught her by the arm.

"Just kiss me like this."

If I had the choice, I'd rather ask how she was feeling than steal a kiss.

But the moment I asked would be the moment this ended.

I couldn't bring myself to do that.

If those were my only options, then I'd choose the kiss. At least that way, this moment could last a little longer.

"Miyagi."

I called to the girl who refused to move.

"You can kiss me without closing your eyes, can't you?"

"I can't."

Her answer came without hesitation.

"You have to close them."

"Then let's do something that isn't a kiss."

"...What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm okay with it."

Still holding her arm, I brushed my fingers across the nape of her neck, slowly tracing the curve of it. When I drew her a little closer, she let out an irritated sigh.

"Okay with what?"

"I let you push me down without resisting."

I smiled.

"That means it's okay if I go a little further."

"It's not."

"Then maybe I should make you keep that promise from before."

My hand slid down her side over the fabric of her shirt. Catching the hem of her T-shirt, I slowly lifted it.

I wasn't planning to take it off.

If I stripped her clothes away, she'd probably run.

And if things went badly enough, she might never let me touch her again.

I'd only rolled the fabric up to just beneath her ribs when her body gave a small twitch.

My hand stopped.

"Sendai-san... what promise?"

There was no mistaking the annoyance in her voice.

"When you did it to me, you said it'd be okay if I did the same to you someday."

"...I did."

"And when I said I wanted to touch you too, you told me it wasn't possible back then."

"...I remember."

She looked away.

"But that doesn't mean it's okay today."

"Then decide that today it is."

"It's still impossible."

Even while grumbling under her breath and trying to catch my hand, Miyagi didn't stop me before I slipped it beneath her shirt.

My fingertips found the curve of her ribs.

I traced the warmth of her skin before stopping just below her chest. Slowly, carefully, I stroked along her side, as though trying to leave my warmth behind, then wrapped my arm around her back.

I'd touched her bare skin before.

That night, the room had been too dark to see her face.

This time, I could.

Her cheeks were redder than they'd been a moment ago.

Her lips were parted ever so slightly, as though words were caught there.

I wanted to pull her close.

I wanted to kiss her.

But I also wanted to keep looking at her just a little longer.

When my fingers lightly pressed the base of her spine above her waist, her body jumped.

A faint crease appeared between her brows.

"I said I don't want to."

She sounded annoyed.

Even so, she still didn't reach for my hand.

I slowly traced my fingers up the line of her spine.

"Sendai-san."

This time, my name came out sharper than before.

"I don't want to."

"Don't say that."

I smiled.

"Just let me stay like this a little longer."

My hand drifted higher until it rested over her bra.

My fingertips found the clasp.

I hesitated.

I wanted to undo it.

I wanted to.

But today, more than anything, I didn't want to do something that would make Miyagi angry.

"Can I take it off?"

I asked anyway.

"Absolutely not."

The answer came immediately.

...Yeah.

I knew she'd say that.

I'd asked even though I already knew the answer.

I wasn't going to force her.

Still, unable to give up completely, I rested my hand lightly against her chest through the fabric.

Miyagi caught my wrist.

"Why don't you want to?"

Before she could speak, I added,

"Why don't you want to do it... or let me?"

If all she needed was more time, I was willing to wait.

But I wanted to know why I was the one being made to wait.

Miyagi stayed silent.

"At least tell me why."

"If you move your hand, I'll answer."

She sounded genuinely fed up.

"Then let go of my hand first."

I looked at her.

"I can't move it otherwise."

After a brief pause, she released my wrist.

I pulled my hand away as well.

"Better?"

I asked.

Instead of answering, Miyagi turned her face away.

Several quiet moments passed before she finally spoke.

"...If we do that... whether I'm the one doing it or having it done..."

She hesitated.

"...It feels like everything would get mixed together."

Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"I don't want that."

Another pause.

"...Today... going to the aquarium together..."

She searched for the right words.

"It feels like all of that would get mixed up too."

The answer caught me completely off guard.

The way she'd said it...

It sounded as though touching me, or being touched by me, stirred up feelings she couldn't separate from everything else we'd shared today.

As though she was afraid this day would stop being just another happy memory and become something she couldn't untangle.

Would Miyagi really think something like that?

No.

She'd said it herself.

It had to be true.

Even so...

I could hardly believe it.

"...That's a pretty amazing thing to hear."

The words slipped out before I could stop them.

I looked at her, genuinely concerned.

"Are you okay?"

For one absurd moment, I wondered whether some important screw inside her had come loose.

"I'm not."

She shot me a glare.

"Fix my T-shirt."

Her answer was as blunt as ever.

...At this rate, it wouldn't be surprising if I died today.

Thinking that, I carefully pulled her T-shirt back down, smoothing the fabric into place.

Only then did Miyagi quietly sit up.