Volume 7 Episode 06

“Even though it’s September, it still feels strange that summer vacation isn’t over yet,” Maika said, her voice soft and thoughtful. It had been a while since we’d seen each other.

She’d spent about a month at her family home, and the slight tan on her skin gave her a healthy, sun-kissed look.

“College students really do get such long summer breaks, don’t they?”

“Yeah, it’s long, but I spent almost all of it at home, so I didn’t really get to do anything that felt like a proper college student. Even though I’m living on my own, I barely used this room at all.”

Maika flopped dramatically onto the floor, though she looked less like someone suffering and more like a seal basking on the beach. If anything, she seemed to be enjoying herself.

I shifted my gaze from Maika to the table.

Two glasses of barley tea sat there, along with a single bag of potato chips.

I picked up a glass beaded with condensation and took a sip, soothing my dry throat. She’d invited me over, saying she had souvenirs for me, and her room was kept at a comfortable temperature, neither too hot nor too cold.

“It’s still summer vacation, so why don’t we start doing some college-student stuff now?”

“What counts as college-student stuff?”

Maika asked without missing a beat.

“Beats me.”

I’d been a college student for nearly half a year, but my life wasn’t all that different from when I was in high school. Asking me probably wasn’t going to help.

Those sorts of things were better asked of Sendai-san. But if Maika said she was going to contact her, I knew it wouldn’t sit right with me, so I kept that thought to myself.

We went back and forth, naming things we each thought counted as “college-student stuff,” only to dismiss them one after another. It was a completely unproductive conversation.

“Shiori, what about going on a trip?”

When she asked for what must have been the umpteenth time, I answered, “Too much hassle.” Maika sat up, shifting from seal back into human form.

“Oh, right. Ami said you should come home for winter break.”

“I already told Ami last time that I wouldn’t be going home for winter break either.”

At the end of August, Ami had asked about my plans for winter, and I’d told her I wasn’t coming back. It was still a long way off, but that wasn’t going to change.

“She asked me to try to talk you into it. You’re not going home for New Year’s either?”

“I’m not.”

“Don’t your parents give you a hard time?”

“My family’s the hands-off type.”

My father put work first and didn’t care enough about me to interfere. He barely came home often enough to interfere in the first place, which was why I hadn’t gone back for summer vacation.

“I’m jealous. I’d love to stay here for the entire winter break too, but I guess I don’t have a choice. There’s the New Year’s money, after all.”

“Nice. New Year’s money.”

“Why don’t you go home too, Shiori? Ami would be happy.”

“I do want to see Ami, but…”

There was no lie in those words, yet the thought of returning to an empty house didn’t appeal to me at all.

“Everyone’s going to go home for New Year’s. Won’t it be boring being alone?”

She didn’t outright say, “Let’s go back together,” but her tone made it clear enough that was what she wanted.

“Sendai-san probably won’t go home either, so I don’t think I’ll end up alone.”

I hadn’t asked about her plans, but there was no way she’d suddenly decide to head home just because it was the New Year holidays. Staying here felt better than deliberately returning to a family home where no one else would be.

“Sendai-san’s not going home either, huh? Come to think of it, she didn’t go home for summer break either, right?”

“She was at our place.”

“Did the two of you go out anywhere?”

“We did go out a few times, but…”

I understood why she wanted to ask.

If I were in Maika’s position, I would’ve asked the same thing.

Still, it was difficult to answer.

It wasn’t as though I had anything to feel guilty about, yet a faint twinge of guilt stirred inside me anyway.

“Where’d you go?”

Maika asked lightly.

I knew there was no deeper meaning behind the question. It was only natural that saying we’d gone out would lead to, “Where?”

“An aquarium.”

I answered briefly and took a sip of barley tea.

“That’s unexpected. I figured Sendai-san would take you somewhere else. And an aquarium feels kind of like a date.”

“It wasn’t a date.”

There was nothing strange about going out with your roommate. Even if the place happened to be an aquarium, there was nothing wrong with that. It was a perfectly normal place to visit with friends, and just as normal with a roommate. Maika was the weird one for calling it date-like.

I was being weird too, though, by overthinking things whenever I talked about Sendai-san to other people. Then again, she and I did things that went beyond what roommates normally did, so maybe I was simply too conscious of it.

“Well, the date part was a joke. Still, I’m jealous. I wanted to go out and have some fun too.”

“Then why don’t the two of us go somewhere?”

“Sounds good. Where should we... wait, Shiori. Your birthday’s this month, right? Why don’t we go out for your birthday?”

“Ah, about my birthday...”

The sudden mention of it made me stumble over my reply.

Until last year, Maika and Ami had been the ones to celebrate my birthday. But this year would be different.

“Hm? Do you already have plans or something?”

Maika looked at me curiously.

It was difficult to say, but I had to.

“……I have a promise.”

“Oh, you’ve got plans.”

“Yeah. With Sendai-san.”

“Just the two of you?”

“Something like that.”

“Ehh, and here I was thinking I’d go out with you, just the two of us this year...”

Maika said it dramatically. Then she smiled and continued.

“……is what I want to say, but we didn’t do anything special last year either. I’ll leave your birthday to Sendai-san.”

“Sorry.”

I could tell she was being considerate, and it made me feel guilty. Ideally, I should’ve invited Maika too so the three of us could spend my birthday together, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

“We never made any promises, so you’ve got nothing to apologize for. Oh yeah, when’s Sendai-san’s birthday?”

“August.”

“Already over, huh. Did the two of you do anything?”

“Kind of.”

It wasn’t anything worth calling “something,” but as people living under the same roof, I felt we’d done at least a few things that could count as birthday celebrations.

Still, I wasn’t sure whether the present I’d given her, after hesitating over whether I should even hand it over, had been the right choice. Sendai-san had said she was happy, but she wasn’t the kind of person who’d push a gift back in someone’s face, so whether she’d meant it remained a mystery.

I’d wanted to repay at least a little of her kindness by celebrating her birthday, yet I still couldn’t shake the feeling that it hadn’t gone well.

“Shiori, it looks like you’re really enjoying your summer break. Unfair.”

“You got to hang out with Ami, so it’s fine.”

“Yeah, but still. I wanted to enjoy myself here too.”

Maika rarely acted spoiled, but now she flopped back onto the floor and turned into a beach seal once more.

Remembering the difference between seals and sea lions that Sendai-san had taught me, I chatted with Maika about how summer vacation was still going despite September already having arrived. We decided to meet up again and go somewhere before university classes resumed, then had dinner together before I caught the train home.

I climbed the stairs to the third floor and opened the front door. Sendai-san’s shoes were there. He’d said he wasn’t going anywhere today. I couldn’t be certain he truly hadn’t gone out, but at least he was home.

When I stepped into the shared space, Sendai-san came out of his room and said, “Welcome back.” I answered, “I’m home.”

“Utsunomiya, were she doing okay?”

Sendai-san, who’d been in a good mood more often than not since summer break began, spoke with a slightly downcast expression.

“She was fine. She’d gotten a little tan and looked healthy.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“Here. Souvenirs. She said the two of us should share them.”

I handed her the souvenirs Maika had given me, and he asked, “Want to eat them now?” I’d just finished dinner and didn’t have any room left, so I told her tomorrow would be fine. She sat down in a chair, as though she intended to talk for a while.

“Miyagi, did you have fun today?”

“I did. I got to see Maika for the first time in a while. We’re planning to hang out again during the break.”

“When’s that?”

“We haven’t decided yet.”

“I see.”

Sendai-san muttered, then started to get up from the chair she’d only just sat down in. It wasn’t that I desperately needed to talk about anything, but I didn’t want her to retreat to her room, so I opened my mouth.

“Sendai-san, are you going home for winter break?”

“I’m not. I was thinking of taking a short-term part-time job that I can only do over winter break.”

The answer I’d expected and the one I hadn’t both came back at once, and I clenched my hands tightly.

“What about the tutoring?”

“I’ll still do that. The short-term job would be separate.”

“……You’re going to take on more work?”

I looked at Sendai-san, who was already doing a tutoring job I still couldn’t accept, and now planned to add even more work on top of it.

“That’s the plan. Miyagi, you’re not getting a job?”

He said it as though it were nothing.

The tutoring work overlapped too much with her past self. Even though I knew she’d never do the same things with a student that she’d done with me, the thought of her working that job still left a cloud hanging over my heart. I wanted her to quit. There had been times when I thought I could accept her doing some other kind of job, but now it seemed I couldn’t accept Sendai-san working at all, not just tutoring.

“I’m not.”

I wasn’t going to get a job, and I didn’t think Sendai-san should either.

“What about home? Are you going back?”

Sendai-san looked at me.

“I’m not.”

“Then how about we go somewhere together over winter break?”

“If you’re taking on more work, you won’t have time for that.”

“I don’t plan on taking on so much that I can’t go anywhere at all.”

Sendai-san smiled, and for no reason at all, I wanted to kiss her.

Why?

Why did I keep wanting to do things that made no sense?

We were supposed to be nothing more than roommates, yet I always found myself wanting to touch her. Whenever we were together, I felt an urge to do things I would never do with anyone else, and I never had any real reason for it.

“Summer break isn’t even over yet. I don’t want to talk about winter break.”

Last summer, I’d kissed her over and over for no reason at all.

Surely, as long as summer vacation hadn’t ended, it would be fine to kiss her over and over again for no reason.

Clinging to that absurd logic, I reached out and touched Sendai-san’s lips.

When I pressed my fingertips firmly against them, she closed her eyes as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

As I brought my mouth closer, I could feel her warmth even before our lips met.

I closed my eyes, forcing the contradictory part of myself into a corner of my mind, and bit down on her lip.

Sendai-san leaned back and grabbed my arm.

When I bit harder, her grip on my arm tightened as well.

I didn’t intend to draw blood, but I wanted to leave a mark that would remind her of me no matter where she was or what she was doing. She wasn’t mine, yet I still wanted to leave a mark that anyone other than me would notice.

I bit down hard, then harder, on those soft lips that looked as though they might bleed at any moment before finally letting go.

“……That really hurt, you know.”

Sendai-san said it with a dissatisfied expression and ran a finger over her lip. After confirming there was no blood on her fingertip, she let out a small breath.

“Then get mad at me.”

I knew I was being unfair.

I said it knowing full well that Sendai-san would never truly get angry with me.

“I’ve gotten used to Miyagi doing incomprehensible things by now.”

She said it with an exasperated air, then stood up.

But she didn’t go back to her room.

“Are you in a bad mood?”

With those words, she gave my bangs a light tug.

“I’m not.”

There was no lie in my answer.

So, to prove it, I kissed her lips once more.

✧✧✧✧✧

“I’m home.”

“Welcome back.”

Today, less than a week after I’d bitten Sendai-san’s lip, I returned from being out and exchanged our usual greetings with her in the shared space. Then I placed a not-particularly-large bag on the table.

“There are puddings. There’s one for you too, Sendai-san.”

“From Utsunomiya?”

Sendai-san, who had been eating dinner alone, set down her rice bowl and looked at me.

“No. I bought them.”

“Miyagi did?”

“Is that a problem?”

“It’s not a problem, but……”

The plan to spend some time with Maika during the break had been fulfilled much sooner than I’d expected. The two of us had gone to see a movie and had a meal together afterward.

While we were out, I’d bought some highly rated puddings from a shop Maika and I had stopped to browse, but perhaps they weren’t something Sendai-san particularly wanted.

“I’ll put them in the fridge, so eat one whenever you feel like it.”

“Thanks.”

Normally, she would’ve said something like, “Let’s eat them together later,” but today there was none of that. She’d seemed the same as usual that morning, yet something might have happened while I was out, leaving her in a less-than-good mood.

I put the puddings in the refrigerator and decided to head back to my room. But before I could open the door, she called out to me.

“Stay here.”

I turned at the flatness of her voice and asked, “Why?”

“I’m almost finished eating.”

I glanced at the calico-cat chopstick rest sitting in front of her.

The day after her birthday, I’d hung it on the doorknob, and she’d been using it every day since. But a chopstick rest wasn’t something she actually needed. Maybe I should’ve chosen something else.

“Then call me when you’re done.”

With a faint twinge of regret, I started to turn my back on Sendai-san, only for her chopsticks to clatter softly against the rest.

“I’m finished. Thanks for the meal.”

With that, she began washing the dishes.

The sound of running water.

The clink of dishes.

Several sounds blended together, but Sendai-san’s voice was nowhere to be heard. She’d stopped me, yet now she was silently washing the dishes, leaving me unsure whether I should return to my room.

I leaned my back against the door.

The words “Stay here” still lingered in my mind. In the end, still leaning against the door, I called out to her.

“If you’re going to tell someone to stay here, then talk to me. Weren’t we supposed to have some pointless conversation?”

The moment I brought up the promise we’d made on her birthday, a voice devoid of emotion reached me.

“You said you were going to see a movie. What did you watch?”

“Something you wouldn’t watch.”

“Was it interesting?”

“Not really. Maika said it was a letdown too.”

“I see.”

Her half-hearted reply irritated me.

She was the one who’d said she wanted us to talk about the ordinary things anyone might discuss, so she ought to show a little more interest in me. If she was going to brush me off like this, I didn’t want to talk at all.

“I’m going back to my room.”

I threw the words at her back and tapped the floor once with the tip of my toe.

“Sorry. When I’m washing dishes, the sound of the water makes it hard to hear. I’m almost done, so just sit and wait.”

For someone who claimed she couldn’t hear, her voice came back awfully quickly, but I didn’t answer. When I remained silent, she turned around and set a time limit.

“Five more minutes.”

“Fine. Just five minutes.”

Even though it felt as though she’d already been washing the dishes for quite a while, I said it anyway and sat down in a chair without checking the clock.

Even if I timed it, the moment five minutes passed, she’d surely say, “Just one more minute,” or “Two more minutes.”

“Sendai-san, what about the pudding?”

I had no idea how many minutes had passed when I spoke up.

“I’ll eat it later.”

“That’s not what I meant. Do you like it or not?”

We’d eaten it together before, so I figured she didn’t dislike it.

“What about you, Miyagi?”

Having finished the dishes, Sendai-san came over and stood in front of me.

“I wouldn’t buy something I hate.”

“I like pudding too.”

Sendai-san smiled.

I didn’t like it.

The way she’d seemed uninterested in me, the way she’d made me wait five minutes, and now the way she was trying to pretend none of it had happened with that smile, it all rubbed me the wrong way.

I stood up and grabbed her arm with my left hand.

When I touched her lip with the thumb of my right hand, she called my name.

“Miyagi. If you’re going to bite, do it somewhere other than my lips.”

“I never said I was going to bite.”

“You’ve got a face that says you’re about to. Miyagi, my lips hurt too much. Pick somewhere else. I don’t mind if it leaves a little mark.”

With that, she took hold of my hand.

The word “mark” brought back what had happened before her birthday.

I’d left a mark on Sendai-san the day she came home soaked.

And I had told her to let me know when the mark disappeared, but that promise hadn’t been kept. No, it hadn’t been a promise in the first place, so she had no obligation to tell me when it disappeared. Even so, the fact that she hadn’t said anything about it bothered me, and I wanted to check.

But verifying the mark, or leaving a new one, was absolutely off-limits.

That had been an act that crossed the boundaries of what roommates should do. If I kept repeating it, Sendai-san might start demanding something new from me.

“I’m not going to do anything, so let go.”

It was true that I’d wanted to bite her, and the word “mark” had tugged at me, but I didn’t want to do exactly what she had suggested.

I released the arm I was still holding.

“You’re really not going to do anything?”

“I’m not.”

I looked straight into Sendai-san’s eyes and answered firmly.

Yet she still didn’t let go of my hand. Instead, she leaned closer and kissed me on the lips.

Her lips brushed lightly against mine before pulling away at once.

Then they touched mine again, and I gently bit down on her lower lip.

“Ow.”

When our lips parted, Sendai-san looked at me and said it with exaggerated indignation.

“I didn’t bite hard enough to hurt.”

“It hurt.”

I pressed my face against the side of her neck, where she was theatrically stroking her lips, and set my teeth against her skin. This time, I didn’t bite lightly. I bit hard enough to leave a mark.

Today’s me was full of contradictions too.

Whenever I was with Sendai-san, I could no longer remain the person I thought I was.

“Miyagi. That really hurts.”

I ignored the voice reaching me and kept my teeth pressed firmly against her skin. Sendai-san grabbed my arm. I sank my teeth into the soft flesh as though I meant to tear it away. My lips remained pressed against her neck, her body heat seeping into me. When I tightened my upper and lower jaws, the hand gripping my arm tightened in response.

The pressure on my arm grew painful enough that I finally pulled my face away from her neck. Still holding onto my arm, Sendai-san spoke.

“I never said you could bite that hard.”

“You’re the one who said it was okay to leave a mark, Sendai-san.”

“There’s a limit to these things, you know.”

“If there’s a limit, you should’ve said so from the start.”

Sendai-san let out a small breath, released my arm, and stroked the side of her neck.

Her fingers traced over the bite mark.

Watching those fingers slowly move back and forth made me want to press my teeth against her neck again. But before I could bite her once more, she began to speak.

“Miyagi, summer break is almost over. Did you have fun?”

“Why so suddenly?”

“Do you remember what we talked about, telling each other when we’d had a good time?”

I still remembered that conversation on the way back from the aquarium.

I let out a thin breath, then kept the promise I’d made back then.

“……It was pretty fun.”

This year’s summer break had been different from every summer break before it.

Until now, long vacations had meant long stretches of time spent alone. This year, though, Sendai-san had been here, so there hadn’t been many moments when I was by myself. I’d met up with her during last year’s summer break too, but that had only been three times a week. We hadn’t been living together the way we were this year.

I couldn’t imagine becoming roommates with anyone other than her, yet having someone constantly around during a long break didn’t feel bad at all.

“Then, Miyagi. Let’s have a sleepover starting now.”

Sendai-san said something completely unrelated with a bright smile, but I had no idea how she’d jumped from “then” to “sleepover.” Besides, we didn’t need a sleepover in the first place.

“Even though we live in the same house?”

“We live in the same house, but we don’t sleep in the same room, right?”

“That’s true, but……”

“The finishing touch to a fun summer break. Let’s talk about pointless things and deepen our friendship. In your room, Miyagi.”

“Wait. Why my room?”

I glared at Sendai-san, who was looking at me as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

Since her birthday, I’d let her into my room a few times, and that itself wasn’t a problem. But doing it under the pretext of a sleepover was another matter. Besides, I still hadn’t agreed to any sleepover.

“You’ve already stayed in my room, haven’t you? This time, let me stay in yours, Miyagi.”

“No way.”

“Come on. Let’s have a sleepover.”

“Sendai-san, you’re definitely planning something weird.”

“Don’t you remember what I said? I’ll wait. I won’t do anything beyond kissing until you say it’s okay, Miyagi.”

“I can’t trust that.”

“I swear on the piercing.”

“Then we’re staying up all night watching movies.”

“You already watched a movie with Utsunomiya, so save that for later.”

“We’re watching it first.”

I said it firmly and reached for the tablet, but she snatched it away before my hand could reach it.

“Movies come after we run out of things to talk about. I said we’d talk about pointless things and deepen our friendship, remember?”

Sendai-san smiled and set the tablet down on the bed she’d been leaning against.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“There is, plenty. For example, what we’re having for breakfast tomorrow.”

“Toast with butter and jam.”

“Then, what’s a memorable moment from your high-school life?”

“Is asking about that supposed to be fun?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Let’s talk about something else, or just watch a movie.”

The moment I said that, Sendai-san replied in an unusually bright voice.

“I will bring it.”

“I see.”

Sendai-san quietly scooped up some pudding.

“It’s rich and delicious.”

“Then I’m glad.”

The pudding I’d bought apparently used carefully selected ingredients. The milk flavor was strong, with a deep richness, and though it was baked pudding, it was moist and smooth enough that I felt I could easily eat another one.

Being able to find the same thing delicious like this made me happy.

“What kind of pudding do you like, Sendai-san?”

I took a big bite of pudding and asked.

“What about you, Miyagi?”

“Special ones like this are good, and the ones they sell at convenience stores are good too, I think.”

“Both are delicious, yeah.”

“Which do you prefer, Sendai-san?”

“Both.”

She answered briefly, took another bite of pudding, then stared steadily at me.

We ate the pudding slowly and cleared away the empty containers.

We took turns bathing, then gathered in my room.

The Sendai-san who had spoken in that emotionless voice was gone.

The Sendai-san who had traced her fingers over the bite mark was gone as well.

The tablet she’d deliberately brought from her own room sat on the table, and whether it was the effect of the delicious pudding or something else, we were sitting side by side as though the earlier events in the shared space had never happened.

Yet Sendai-san made no move to use the tablet. She sat beside me, elegantly sipping black tea.

“Isn’t a sleepover supposed to be a gathering where you watch movies together?”

When I asked Sendai-san, who was wearing a T-shirt instead of pajamas, she set down her mug and looked at me.

“The movie was only if you decided to stay up all night, Miyagi.”

Even though I hadn’t said anything about swearing, Sendai-san reached out and touched my ear. Then she kissed the piercing.

“I’ll wait until you say it’s okay, Miyagi.”

The promise she’d sworn on the piercing would be kept.

I understood that, yet I still hesitated over whether I could trust Sendai-san’s self-control.

“Miyagi. If you’re that worried, just stay up all night.”

“Stay up all night?”

“If we watch a movie or something and stay awake until morning, we won’t have to go to bed, so nothing like that will happen.”

“……Sendai-san, were you planning to sleep in my bed?”

“You slept in my bed, didn’t you, Miyagi?”

“It’s too narrow. If you’re staying over, bring your own futon.”

“That’s a hassle. We can just sleep together. If you don’t want to sleep, then stay awake. So it’s decided.”

Sendai-san clapped her hands once, as if cutting the conversation short.

I looked at the door to my room.

I wasn’t particularly sleepy yet.

Going without sleep for a single night would be fine.

I decided to stay up all night and accepted Sendai-san’s suggestion.

Sendai-san came into my room, and the two of us ate the highly rated pudding together.

“Did you pick this out with Utsunomiya?”

Looking at the pudding in its container, far cuter than anything sold at a convenience store, Sendai-san asked.

“I chose it.”

I’d bought it at the shop I went to with Maika, but I was the one who’d selected the pudding.

Not Maika. 

“Miyagi, let’s play rock-paper-scissors.”

“Huh?”

The unexpected suggestion caught me completely off guard, leaving me unable to give a proper response.

“Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors!”

At her cue, I reflexively threw out rock. When I looked at Sendai-san’s hand, she’d thrown paper, and a cheerful voice reached me.

“I win. Movies later, then.”

Apparently, the rock-paper-scissors match had been to decide who got to choose what we’d do next. Having won, Sendai-san began talking about whatever came to mind, as though it were only natural.

“Miyagi, you’re not getting a part-time job?”

“I’m not.”

If not getting a job somehow meant being dragged back to that empty house, I might’ve considered it, but so far, that hadn’t happened. My father was providing enough for me to get through college without working.

“Hey, I mentioned I was thinking of taking on more work over winter break. Why don’t you join me?”

“You can do it by yourself, Sendai-san.”

I couldn’t accept the idea of Sendai-san working a part-time job.

I didn’t want her going to places I didn’t know or meeting people I didn’t know, but that didn’t mean I wanted to work alongside her, either.

“If you’re not going home, you’ll have time over winter break, right?”

“Even if I have time, I’m not getting a job.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not cut out for it.”

If I worked the same job as Sendai-san, who handled everything so effortlessly, I’d inevitably be compared to her. I couldn’t do everything the way she could, and I wasn’t particularly quick on the uptake, either.

If we worked in the same place, I was sure I’d end up showing her all my less flattering sides.

It wasn’t that I wanted her to see only my good points, but there was no reason to deliberately put my shortcomings on display. Besides, whenever we were together somewhere with other people around, I never knew what expression I was supposed to wear. Working the same job was out of the question.

“You’re going to get a real job after graduating college anyway. You should at least do a part-time job as practice.”

“Even if I practice, I’m not doing it with you, Sendai-san.”

“……Would you do it with Utsunomiya, then?”

Her voice dropped slightly.

The pleasant atmosphere the pudding had created vanished, and the emotionless Sendai-san returned.

“Maika has nothing to do with this.”

“If you’re going to get a job, do it with me.”

“I’m not doing it with you, Sendai-san, and I’m not getting a job at all.”

In the first place, I thought it would be better if Sendai-san simply didn’t work.

Rather than telling me to get a job, it would be much easier if she gave up on the winter-break job herself. She should stop taking on extra work, quit the tutoring job, too, and just laze around at home. But she didn’t seem to think that way. She let out a dissatisfied breath and turned toward me.

“I’ll say it one more time. Let’s work together over winter break. I’ll find the job.”

“I already told you. I’m not working with you, Sendai-san.”

Having a job decided for me without my say was troublesome, so I refused clearly once more. No matter how many times she asked, I had no intention of working together.

“Absolutely not?”

“Absolutely not.”

“……Miyagi.”

Sendai-san called my name in a quiet voice.

When I remained silent, a hand settled on my shoulder.

“I think you should think about me a little more, Miyagi.”

“……I bought pudding for you, didn’t I?”

“That’s not what I mean. ——I’m saying it hurts.”

The hand resting on my shoulder slowly tightened. I almost toppled over, so I pushed against her shoulder and put a little distance between us.

“It hurts? Why?”

“If you don’t understand, then fine.”

With that, Sendai-san kissed me as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

Her lips pressed firmly against mine, and an arm slipped around my back.

Over my T-shirt, her hand stroked my shoulder blade before sliding lower. I rolled up the hem of her shirt and pushed her body away, but she brought her lips to mine again. This time, she came in deeper. I lightly bit the tongue that had slipped past my lips, trying to force it back out. Even so, she didn’t pull away. A tongue that wasn’t mine sought to intertwine with mine.

Her hand traced along my spine, moving upward.

While my attention was stolen by a tongue that had, at some point, become strangely familiar to me, the hooks of my bra came undone. I pushed Sendai-san away hard, hard, and forced away the hand that had slipped beneath my T-shirt as well.

“This wasn’t the kind of atmosphere for doing that.”

Kissing was one thing, but this shouldn’t have been the sort of situation where underwear got taken off.

And besides, it broke the promise.

“In the first place, you said you’d wait until I said it was okay.”

It wasn’t a promise I’d forced her to make.

It was something Sendai-san herself had suggested, something she’d sworn on her piercings even before we came into this room.

“I didn’t say we should have a sleepover intending to do this kind of thing… It’s Miyagi’s fault.”

“I haven’t done anything wrong. Even if I were at fault, you made a promise, so keep it.”

“I’ll keep the promise. But if Miyagi says it’s okay, then there’s no need to wait, right?”

Sendai-san said something I couldn’t accept as correct, as naturally as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and tried to slip her hand back beneath my clothes. I pushed her shoulder away.

The order was wrong.

She was supposed to ask whether it was okay before doing anything.

“Miyagi, if it’s no good, just say it’s no good. Then I’ll stop.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“I told you before.”

“Because doing it or having it done to you would make everything stop making sense?”

It was something I’d said myself, yet hearing it in Sendai-san’s voice made me painfully aware of how embarrassing those words had been. I never should’ve said something like that. I wanted to erase my past self.

“Miyagi.”

When I remained silent, Sendai-san stroked my cheek, and I ended up answering softly, “Yeah.”

“It’s fine even if things stop making sense, right? Tomorrow’s a day off too, so just relax and let everything stop making sense.”

The hand that had been stroking my cheek crept down along my neck.

Her fingertips touched my collarbone, and I caught her hand.

“Sendai-san, you said something similar last time, but I’m not okay with it.”

I peeled the hand clinging to my body away and pushed it toward Sendai-san.

“Then I’ll only do it to the point where things don’t stop making sense.”

Her voice reached my ear, and her lips pressed against the side of my neck. She sucked lightly, then set her teeth against my skin, but it was only a gentle nibble, so it didn’t hurt. Still, it tickled, and for an instant, the strength left my body.

Before I knew it, my back was against the floor.

“Sendai-san!”

When I called her name firmly, my lips were sealed.

A hand slipped smoothly beneath my T-shirt.

It rested on my stomach and slowly moved upward. The bra, whose hooks had already been undone, was shifted without hesitation. When I bit down on the lips pressed against mine, Sendai-san pulled away as if fleeing, but her hand came to rest over my chest.

I couldn’t help gasping.

But Sendai-san did nothing more than that.

The hand on my chest remained completely still.

Right now, I could only feel her warmth, so I was able to keep my composure, but if this continued—

“I haven’t said it’s okay.”

I grabbed Sendai-san’s hand through my T-shirt.

“It’s no good, right?”

“If you understand that, then take your hand off.”

“I want to respect Miyagi’s feelings, and I think I have been doing that, but—”

“…You’re not doing it now.”

“I still want to. So give me a reason for not wanting to other than ‘it would make everything stop making sense.’ Not some reason I could overturn that easily. Give me a reason that would leave me unable to do anything at all, and tell me that.”

Even though it didn’t seem logical, the tone of Sendai-san’s voice made it sound as though it were the only logical thing to say.

“Then answer me before I answer you. What’s your reason for wanting to do it?”

When I asked, she stared straight at me.

The hand I was holding moved downward of its own accord, and I pinned it in place against my stomach.

“…Is it okay for me to answer that?”

The voice that reached me was far less confident than before.

Sendai-san lowered her eyes as if hesitating.

The air in the room grew heavy.

I didn’t know what she wanted to say, but I had the feeling it was something I shouldn’t hear. My heart pounded irregularly, like raindrops striking the window. This shouldn’t have been a place where the air disappeared, yet my chest ached so badly that I could barely breathe.

The eyes that had been lowered lifted to meet mine.

She started to open her mouth, and I cut off the words that were about to come.

“You don’t have to answer.”

“Miyagi was the one who asked.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to answer.”

“Then I won’t. …But properly tell me the reason you don’t want to.”

With that, Sendai-san withdrew her hand from beneath my T-shirt.

The words between us disappeared, and silence settled in.

The quiet room felt uncomfortable.

I wanted to turn back time to when we’d been happily eating pudding, but I had no such magic. What I needed to think about was a “reason to stop Sendai-san,” yet my mind wouldn’t move, like a clock whose battery had died. The second hand that couldn’t advance brought time to a standstill.

I gently touched the place on Sendai-san where the mark I’d left must have already disappeared.

She would wait until I said it was okay.

The promise she’d sworn on her piercings, Sendai-san still hadn’t broken it.

She was only on the verge of breaking it.

If I told her the reason I didn’t want to do it with her, the promise would be kept.

But I didn’t have a strong enough reason to “leave Sendai-san unable to do anything,” the kind of reason that would make her keep the promise. She’d told me to “make one,” so it was fine to invent one if I didn’t have it, yet there was no way I could immediately come up with a reason capable of stopping her.

“Miyagi, the reason?”

A voice that was neither soft nor hard reached me, and I forced my reluctant mouth to move.

“…Sendai-san, you said it was fine even if there was no reason for kissing, right? Then it’s fine if there’s no reason for not wanting to do it either.”

Unable to find or invent a reason before being pressed for an answer, I ended up giving one that I didn’t think Sendai-san would accept.

“A reason like that won’t leave me unable to do anything, you know?”

Sendai-san stroked my arm where it emerged from the T-shirt.

Her soft hand slid slowly over my skin and poked at my upper arm.

“Is it okay?”

The voice asking was gentle, yet it didn’t seem as though she intended to wait for my answer. Her lips pressed against the side of my neck. The lips that clung firmly to my skin soon pulled away, only to press against it again. The hand that had been stroking my upper arm had, before I knew it, rolled up the hem of my T-shirt and slipped inside before I could catch it.

Fingertips crawled along my side, and she gently nibbled my neck.

This wasn’t good.

There was no way it was all right to continue, yet the hand moving beneath my T-shirt and the sensation of her lips against my neck stole my thoughts. I couldn’t come up with a reason that would satisfy her.

The hand that had been crawling along my side settled over my chest.

Not wanting her to see my face, I hesitated over whether to pull Sendai-san closer.

This room was too bright.

Everything I wanted to hide was visible.

Ordinarily, I would’ve wanted the lights off, but I couldn’t imagine the Sendai-san in front of me now turning them off for me, and I couldn’t turn them off myself, either. In that case, I wanted to pull Sendai-san close and erase myself from her field of vision. But if I pulled her close, it would be like giving her permission to continue.

The hand resting on my chest moved slowly.

Her fingertips traced the outline as if confirming its shape, stroking softly. The hand that had been moving gently stopped at the center of my chest, and my body reacted to her fingertips.

The same thing that had happened to her body when I touched Sendai-san’s chest was now happening to mine. I already knew that what I was feeling was being conveyed to her, yet, not wanting her to know, I grabbed her hand through my clothes.

The hand I had seized with force was pressed firmly back against my breast, unwilling to leave me. It was also an act that conveyed exactly what was happening beneath her touch, and my cheeks burned.

I averted my eyes from Sendai-san.

“Stop.”

I couldn’t look at whatever expression she was making right now.

“Why?”

There was no answer I could give to that gentle, questioning voice.

Sendai-san bit my ear.

The breath she blew against it robbed me of the strength I needed to push her away.

“If you can’t say it, then just give in like this.”

The voice whispered against my ear made what little strength I had left drain away.

The hand of Sendai-san’s that I had been holding slipped free and began moving freely over my breast. Her fingertips stroked firmly over the place that was clearly changing. Wherever Sendai-san touched, it tingled as though an electric current were running through me.

I bit down hard on my lip.

Even though I wanted to stop Sendai-san’s hand, my awareness kept being drawn toward the place her fingers touched. A sensation I didn’t want to put into words began to take shape. The room, which should have been cool from the air conditioning, felt strangely hot, and my breathing grew uneven.

“Doesn’t it feel good?”

Sendai-san was trying to drag out the emotion I was desperately turning my eyes away from, and I wanted to deny it immediately. But if I opened my mouth, I felt a voice I didn’t want her to hear might escape, so I couldn’t.

“Tell me, Miyagi.”

The hand roaming over my breast and the voice whispering beside my ear stirred something deep inside my head.

At some point, Sendai-san’s hand had become something capable of dismantling my reason. The wall that was supposed to keep Sendai-san out was battered into ruin by her hand; it crumbled and abandoned its role as a defensive barrier. The wall, full of gaps, readily accepted Sendai-san, and she slipped straight through.

Even now, the reason that had been knocked down was sounding an alarm. I knew I ought to run away, yet Sendai-san’s body heat felt good, and I was becoming someone who was no longer myself. Before I knew it, I found myself wanting to keep Sendai-san much, much closer.

This is a bad feeling.

So I gathered up the fragments of reason and put them back into their original places like puzzle pieces, repairing them, rebuilding the usual me who protected me.

I held my breath, then exhaled thinly.

I grabbed Sendai-san’s hand through her clothes.

Looking into her eyes, I voiced my reason, small though it was.

“…I don’t want to.”

“If you don’t like it, then give me a reason.”

Our gazes met.

Eyes that were neither cold nor warm stared fixedly at me.

“It’s bright, and everything’s visible.”

I glared at Sendai-san and peeled the hand clinging to my body away, pushing it outside my clothes.

“But I want to look at Miyagi?”

“I don’t want to be looked at.”

“Is that the only reason?”

I knew it wasn’t enough of a reason to stop her, but I couldn’t think of anything else.

When I remained silent, Sendai-san took hold of my hand.

“If being seen is embarrassing, then Miyagi can just hide my eyes.”

Saying that, Sendai-san used my hand to cover her own eyes and added, “There, now I can’t see.”

“That’s not what this is about.”

I answered firmly and tried to pull my hand back.

But the hand gripping mine wouldn’t let go. On the contrary, she tightened her grip and tried to yank it back.

“Then is it that you don’t like being the only one touched? In that case, Miyagi can just touch me too.”

My hand was forcibly placed on top of her breast.

I felt her body heat through the T-shirt.

Through the cloth isn’t enough.

I want to touch more.

Just like that time when I touched Sendai-san—

No.

Sendai-san was trying to distract me.

It wasn’t supposed to be a matter of “if you don’t like being the only one touched.”

We had been talking about something completely different, yet because Sendai-san was doing these strange things, I wanted to touch her even more.

“This way the conditions are the same, right?”

“They’re not the same.”

“Miyagi, if you want to touch me directly, you can. I’ll touch you too.”

Guided by Sendai-san, my hand was led inside her T-shirt, and I nearly let myself be distracted again. My hand was placed beneath her breast, and the speed at which I was repairing my crumbling reason couldn’t keep up. The warmth against my palm felt pleasant, and I slid my hand around to her back. As I stroked her smooth skin and let my fingers creep a little higher, they met the hooks of her bra, and she told me it was fine to undo them. My heart pounded violently, as though it had doubled in size.

I undid the hooks and touched her breast directly.

The me of now overlapped with the past.

Back then, I had thought I shouldn’t have turned off the lights.

I had wanted to see what kind of expression Sendai-san was making, and I had wanted to know.

Now I could see her face.

When I called “Sendai-san,” she met my gaze.

Her cheeks were flushed, and from her slightly parted lips, the name “Miyagi” slipped out. Sendai-san’s hand came into direct contact with my skin.

Her fingertips slowly traced my breast, and her palm pressed against it as though confirming the sensation. The hand pressed firmly against me was hot. But my body felt even hotter, and a breath escaped me. Her hand was pressed so closely against me that it seemed as though it might never leave.

My breathing grew labored, and wanting even more of Sendai-san, I wrapped my arms around her back and pulled her close. Her lips pressed against the side of my neck, then licked my skin.

In a corner of my mind, I managed to seize a fragment of the reason that had been driven away.

Even though I was the one who had pulled Sendai-san close, I thought I had to stop her.

I thought I had to find a reason quickly, something that would let me stop the hand exploring my body, yet the body heat flowing into me got in the way, and I couldn’t find one. My emotions were dragged along by the hand that moved over my body without ever leaving it.

Within the reason that was crumbling to pieces in my hands, something I shouldn’t see seemed about to emerge, so I closed my eyes.

Deep in my heart, in a place no one could see, not even me, was the thing that made Sendai-san special.

That thing, which ought to have remained sealed away, was something the version of me I didn’t know had kept covering up so it would never see the light of day, continually pushing its tiny sprouts back into the soil before they could emerge.

This was probably something fragile, something easily broken, something I didn’t need to know.

If we were going to live here until we graduated from university, then all we needed was the relationship of “roommates.”

“Just for today?”

I asked Sendai-san, who was sliding her hand along my side.

“What do you mean, just for today?”

“This kind of thing… is it just for today?”

“From now on, I want to do it as many times as I can.”

Hearing her soft voice, I grabbed Sendai-san’s hand, and it was pressed firmly against the top of my hipbone.

“That isn’t what you call roommates.”

Even though she could hear my words, Sendai-san didn’t let go of my hand.

If we kept repeating something like this over and over…

I would become unable to leave Sendai-san. If I ended up bound tightly to her, just like the hand pressed against my hipbone, it would surely hurt terribly when I was finally torn away. I didn’t think I could endure that pain.

“…Does Miyagi not want to become anything other than roommates?”

Even though I wanted her to stay the same, Sendai-san wanted to change.

Into something that wasn’t roommates.

Into something different from what we were now.

I knew we couldn’t stay the same forever.

But I couldn’t keep up with Sendai-san’s pace.

“…Stay as roommates a little longer.”

I had only just gotten used to being roommates, so suddenly changing our relationship would leave me at a loss.

I couldn’t walk at the same pace as Sendai-san. Sometimes I stopped, sometimes I looked back, somehow managing to move my feet, walking so slowly that I couldn’t even tell whether I was making any progress. If she walked too fast, I would want to give up on chasing after the Sendai-san who was growing distant. That was why I wanted her to slow down, just a little.

I didn’t want Sendai-san to go somewhere else.

Right now, I needed her to remain the roommate that no one else could be.

“Sendai-san.”

I grabbed her clothes.

I heard the faint sound of a breath being exhaled.

“Okay. For now, roommates is fine. I’ll stop already.”

Sendai-san took her hands off my body.

Then she looked at me.

“So, Miyagi. ———Praise me.”

Hearing her strangely vulnerable voice, I touched her hair and stroked her head.

“…Thanks.”

I didn’t think those were the words Sendai-san wanted to hear, but I couldn’t think of anything else. I combed my fingers through her long, unbound hair and gazed steadily at her.

“It doesn’t really feel like praise, but well, whatever.”

Speaking in her usual voice, Sendai-san sat up and began straightening her disheveled clothes. I turned my back to her and fastened the undone hooks.

“I’ll head back to my room today.”

I turned at the voice that came from behind me.

“You said it was a sleepover, didn’t you?”

At the words that slipped out before I could stop them, Sendai-san spoke as though troubled.

“…Miyagi, is testing my self-control your hobby or something?”

“It’s not like that, but you’re the one who swore on your piercings, and you’re the one who invited me to have a sleepover.”

I knew I was being selfish.

But I wanted Sendai-san to stay by my side.

Right now, if she left this room, it felt as though she might never come back, and that scared me.

“Sendai-san.”

I tugged on the T-shirt of the girl who was trying to leave the room. Even so, Sendai-san didn’t stop moving, and when I pulled the T-shirt hard, the fabric stretched with a pit, and Sendai-san plopped down into a sitting position.

“Miyagi. It’s not a lie that I’ll wait, but I don’t think I can wait forever. I’ve already realized that a lot of things just won’t work.”

“Don’t give up.”

“I’ll behave and sleep today, so it’s fine.”

“Aren’t you awake?”

“I’m going to sleep already. Miyagi can stay awake if she wants.”

Saying that, Sendai-san peeled my hand away from the T-shirt I had been gripping and, without asking permission, sprawled out on the bed.

“That’s my bed, though.”

“You’re not going to keep someone here and then tell them to sleep on the floor, right?”

Sendai-san smiled brightly and held out the tablet that had been lying on the bed, so I reluctantly accepted it and set it on the table. When I exhaled with a fuu, the lights were turned off without warning, and the room went pitch-black.

“Is Miyagi staying awake?”

“I’m sleeping.”

After pushing Sendai-san toward the wall side, I turned my back to her and lay down on the bed. When I closed my eyes, I was embraced, and my body pressed against Sendai-san with no space between us. My entire back was against Sendai-san, and the softness of her chest and the sound of her breathing were transmitted to me.

A pleasant feeling and an uncomfortable one.

The two opposing sensations mingled together, making me want to complain, but before I could say anything, Sendai-san whispered to me.

“As a reward for holding back earlier, allow me at least this much.”

Faced with the forceful yet gentle Sendai-san, I found myself unable to say anything.

I didn’t know what would become of us from here on.

I wished that things could stay exactly like this, forever.

Precisely because we couldn’t remain the same forever, right now I wanted to indulge in Sendai-san’s kindness and keep feeling the body heat of the girl who was staying by my side.

I took hold of the hand Sendai-san had wrapped around my body.

—Please let tomorrow be a continuation of today.

I made that small wish and closed my eyes.